Okay. I’m still talking about deviled eggs because? Well, you’ll see.
Tips on Making Deviled Eggs
1. Here’s a hint: They are called devilled eggs for a reason.
2. And, no, it is not because of the little hint of jalepeno that gives them a kick.
3. It’s because you have to HARD BOIL the little suckers first, and there are all these rules about boiling them.
Yes, rules about boiling an egg.
4. Boiling an egg should be simple.
5. It isn’t.
6. It really isn’t simple if you get distracted by the fact that the 90-second rice pouch you put in the microwave just exploded.
7. But this is about eggs, not exploding rice pouches.
8. So, if you manage to boil the egg, then plunge the poor thing in cold, cold water, you must then PEEL THE EGG!
9. Eggs are not meant to be peeled. This is why they are eggs. Not bananas.
10. If you have happy, young fresh eggs they are harder to peel. The old buggers are better.
11. Be prepared to sacrifice many, many eggs in your egg peeling quest for the perfect egg to devil.
11. Once, eggs are peeled, halved, and stuffed do not be offended when people in house say, “Holy crud. It’s like the egg has acne pits or something.”
12. Do not be offended when people in the house say, “Um? Are you sure this is a devilled egg? Should it be all wobbly like this? And gooey? It’s kind of gooey.”
13. Do not be offended when people in the house say, “Next time, can we just buy the premade kind in the grocery store.”
14. And do not have hurt feelings when they do not celebrate with you because you keep saying, “But look at the yolk. It isn’t green. That’s a big achievement, not to have green yolks.”
15. Do not throw eggs at them.
16. Or men in banana suits.
17 Just accept that you are not a gifted devilled egg maker. We can not be gifted in all things eggy. You are a good scrambler. Be happy with this.
WRITING AND OTHER NEWS
IN THE WOODS – READ AN EXCERPT, PREORDER NOW!
My next book, IN THE WOODS, appears in July with Steve Wedel. It’s scary and one of Publisher’s Weekly’s Buzz Books for Summer 2019. There’s an excerpt of it there and everything! But even cooler (for me) they’ve deemed it buzz worthy! Buzz worthy seems like an awesome thing to be deemed!
You can preorder this bad boy, which might make it have a sequel. The sequel would be amazing. Believe me, I know. It features caves and monsters and love. Because doesn’t every story?
HEAR MY BOOK BABY (AND MORE) ON PATREON
On February first, I launched my Patreon site where I’m reading chapters (in order) of a never-published teen fantasy novel, releasing deleted scenes and art from some of my more popular books. And so much more. Come hang out with me! Get cool things!
WHAT IS PATREON?
A lot of you might be new to Patreon and not get how it works. That’s totally cool. New things can be scary, but there’s a cool primer HERE that explains how it works. The short of it is this: You give Patreon your paypal or credit card # and they charge you whatever you level you choose at the end of each month. That money supports me sharing my writing and art and podcasts and weirdness with you.
