Grilled Potatoes with Cheese

Print Recipe
Grilled Potatoes With Cheese
This is for one Carrie or four people
Cuisine american, vegetarian
Prep Time 20 minutes
Cook Time 75 minutes
Passive Time 30 minutes
Servings
Carrie
Ingredients
Cuisine american, vegetarian
Prep Time 20 minutes
Cook Time 75 minutes
Passive Time 30 minutes
Servings
Carrie
Ingredients
Instructions
  1. Put the grill on high
  2. Cut those potatoes into 12 slices, but don't cut all the way through like a critic's opinion of your new book.
  3. Put those potatoes on a plate and cheat. Think of it as giving yourself a little boost. Drink some wine. Put the potato plate in the microwave and nuke them for five minutes.
  4. Think that your next book should feature potatoes, microwaves, and wine.
  5. Celebrate yourself and your idea.
  6. Get aluminum foil and tear it into four big pieces of awesome. Think of each piece as a happy section of your book. Vow to write your next book in sections as you put a potato on the center of each piece of aluminum foil.
  7. Brush the garlic and butter in between the potato slices. DO NOT THINK OF THESE HOLES AS PLOT HOLES! Do not realize suddenly that there are plot holes in your book that just came out today. There aren't. You are just being neurotic, writer!
  8. Step away from your cell phone. Do not call anyone. Big breaths. Focus on potatoes.
  9. Encase those potatoes in the foil so they are all tightly closed in. Look at that! It's a nicely tight plot. No holes! See? Aren't you glad you didn't call or email or panic or anything?
  10. Cook 30 minutes.
  11. Take the potatoes off the grill. Be careful. Open up the packages and put pieces of cheese in between the slices. Your potato will not adhere to itself like a beautiful book narrative.
  12. Wrap them back up.
  13. Put them back on the grill for another five minutes or so.
  14. Celebrate. You've created something great! Season that greatness if you feel like it.
Advertisements

COOKING WITH A WRITER – Black Bean Soup of the Soul

It’s a cooking blog redone. Why? Because I’ve been working for over 12 hours and I’m not done.

Yes, folks. I’m dialing it in. My apologies!

 

So, I am a bit down lately, mostly because:

  1. I am a writer
  2. I live in the U.S.
  3. Politics

I gave up and am giving you all this – the Black Bean Soup that Reflects the State of My Inner Soul Right This Second Because I am DIRE.

Yeah.

 

Black Bean Soup Because The World Sucks

 

Sometimes the world sucks and you need a dark soup to match your feelings. Am I right? 

This is a new version of a black bean soup I wrote about before. You can never have enough black bean soup recipes. Can you?

 

  • 3 tbsp olive or vegetable oil
  • 2 whole onions (chopped)
  • 6 whole garlic cloves (chopped/pressed)
  • 3 ribs celery (chopped)
  • 1 whole carrot (chopped)
  • 5 tsp cumin
  • .5 tsp red pepper flakes or hot sauce (to taste really)
  • 60 oz black beans (canned, drained)
  • 2 tsp lime juice
  • .5 cup cilantro (optional, to taste)
  1. Heatolive oil in soup pot over medium heat. 

    Stare at it until it shimmers. 

    Remember when you used to shimmer.

    Sigh dramatically.

    Throw in the onions, celery and carrot.

    Sigh again because honestly? What is the point.

    Put in salt, blood pressure be damned.  

  2. Stir once in awhile. Eventually the vegetable will get soft.

    “Eventually” is 10 to 15 minutes. This is a much shorter ‘eventually’ than when waiting for your editor to return your email. But whatever. 

  3. Add in the smelly things –  garlic, cumin and red pepper flakes.

    Wonder if you’re a smelly thing? When did you last bathe? Was it before 2018? Join the club.

    Cook until things smell more than you do  – 30 seconds. 

  4. It’s time for the dark soul part of this soup. You are miserable, aren’t you? Yes, writer you are. 

    Add beans. Add broth.

    Put the heat on medium high and watch it simmer. Reduce it so it only simmers gently. If only YOU were simmering gently, but honestly? The state of the world makes you SIMMER INTO ROARING, doesn’t it? Yes. Yes. It does.

    Soup is not you though. So simmer GENTLY for 30 minutes, or else it will boil over and stick to the pot and believe me, you do not have the emotional reserves to deal with that mess. 

  5. Put about 4 cups into a blender (make sure not to overload your blender because it is hot and you will get burned and you probably don’t have the medical insurance to deal with that if you are an American writer). 

    Blend carefully.

    You can also use a hot-pink immersion blender if you are tired of the darkness of this soup, your soul, and this world. 

    JUST BE CAREFUL! 

  6. Put the blended stuff back in the soup pot. Mix. Add in  cilantro, lime juice, salt and pepper.

    Sigh.

    Eat it.

    Sigh more. 

 

Man Verdict – It tastes sad.

Dog Verdict – Isn’t this not good for dogs? 

My Verdict – Yep. Uh-huh. 

 

 

WRITING NEWS

ENHANCED, the follow-up to FLYING is here! And the books are out of this world. Please buy them and support a writer.

31702754 copy

The last TIME STOPPERS BOOK is out and I love it. You should buy it because it’s empowering and about friendship and bias and magic. Plus, dragons and elves.

Timestoppers3_005

How to Get Signed Copies: 

If you would like to purchase signed copies of my books, you can do so through the awesome Sherman’s Book Store in Bar Harbor, Maine or the amazing Briar Patch. The books are also available online at places like Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

For signed copies – email barharbor@shermans.com for Sherman’s or email info@briarpatchbooks.comand let them know the titles in which you are interested. There’s sometimes a waiting list, but they are the best option. Plus, you’re supporting an adorable local bookstore run by some really wonderful humans. But here’s the Amazon link, too!

Art Stuff

You can buy prints of my art here. Thank you so much for supporting my books and me and each other. I hope you have an amazing day.

A new episode of Dogs are Smarter Than People, the quirky podcast with writing tips, life tips and a random thought came out yesterday! Check it out, like and subscribe!

Red Curry Rice of 197,000-Word Picture Books

This week, we enter a place called revision, which is many authors’ vision of real-life hell. Since I was told to rot in hell earlier this week, it seems an appropriate place to venture.

Print Recipe
Red Curry Rice of Revision Hell
This recipe is adapted from the fantastic Cookie and Kate
Cuisine vegetarian
Servings
people
Ingredients
Cuisine vegetarian
Servings
people
Ingredients
Instructions
  1. Cook that jasmine rice. Worry that it isn't the right rice. Worry you aren't the right writer to cook it. Boil it in a pot of water for 30 minutes. Don't let it overflow like your 197,000-word picture book about anarchy.
  2. Drain. Put it back in the pot. Let it rest for 10 minutes or more. Fluff it up when it's time. All works need a good fluffer.
  3. Wonder how you can possibly chop 196,000 words out of your brilliant picture book so that it's the appropriate publishing-industry 'approved' length. Sob as you put a big skillet on medium heat.
  4. When it's hot, add the oil. Wonder if you can even judge this if you can't manage to cut a mere five words out of your picture book, the ABC's of ANARCHY.
  5. Throw in the onion, some salt. Stir a lot. Stir for 5 minutes. Cry. Why do no publishers understand that children under three are indeed ready for your picture book and can read things that long and sustain attention.
  6. Add garlic, ginger, cook 30 seconds. Continue stirring.
  7. All you do is stir.
  8. The man is making you stir, isn't he? He also created those picture book rules.
  9. To heck with the man. You'll self publish it. You don't need to cut or revise. You don't need the man.
  10. Put the peppers and carrots in. Cook for 5 minutes. Add curry past. Cook for two minutes
  11. Feel happy that you don't have to revise.
  12. Keep adding on words. I mean ingredients. Add kale, water, coconut milk, sugar. Keep stirring. Make it simmer and then lower that heat to keep it gentle but not too harsh. Just like the voice in your picture book. This should take between 5-10 minutes. You get to decide when it's ready. LOOK AT THAT POWER! Feel powerful. You are in charge of your destiny!
  13. Take it off the stove. Add soy sauce and juice. Add salt. If it's too mellow add more soy sauce. Serve it with that fluffy rice and rejoice!

Man Verdict

Love it.

Dog Verdict

Curry and dogs do not mix. May we please have bones?

Carrie Verdict

Curry paste makes me happy to be in hell.


Writing News

IN THE WOODS – READ AN EXCERPT, PREORDER NOW!

My next book, IN THE WOODS, appears in July with Steve Wedel. It’s scary and one of Publisher’s Weekly’s Buzz Books for Summer 2019. There’s an excerpt of it there and everything! But even cooler (for me) they’ve deemed it buzz worthy! Buzz worthy seems like an awesome thing to be deemed! 

You can preorder this bad boy, which might make it have a sequel. The sequel would be amazing. Believe me, I know. It features caves and monsters and love. Because doesn’t every story?

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is b5314ed645a47991655395d180f52f5c.jpg

HEAR MY BOOK BABY (AND MORE) ON PATREON

On February first, I launched my Patreon site where I’m reading chapters (in order) of a never-published teen fantasy novel, releasing deleted scenes and art from some of my more popular books. And so much more. Come hang out with me! Get cool things! 

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is The-Last-Gods-3.jpg

WHAT IS PATREON? 

A lot of you might be new to Patreon and not get how it works. That’s totally cool. New things can be scary, but there’s a cool primer HERE that explains how it works. The short of it is this: You give Patreon your paypal or credit card # and they charge you whatever you level you choose at the end of each month. That money supports me sharing my writing and art and podcasts and weirdness with you. 

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is Superheroes-7-1.jpg


HELP US AND DO AN AWESOME GOOD DEED

Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness on the DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE podcast as we talk about random thoughts, writing advice and life tips. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of. Please share it and subscribe if you can. Please rate and like us if you are feeling kind, because it matters somehow. There’s a new episode every Tuesday!

ART

Image

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is IMG_0393-2.jpeg

You can buy some of my art. I paint to help inform my stories and some of the prints are available now. There will be more soon. You can check it out here. 




Red Curry Rice of Revision Hell


Print Recipe


Red Curry Rice of Revision Hell

This recipe is adapted from the fantastic Cookie and Kate

Cuisine vegetarian

Servings
people


Ingredients

Cuisine vegetarian

Servings
people


Ingredients


Instructions
  1. Cook that jasmine rice. Worry that it isn't the right rice. Worry you aren't the right writer to cook it. Boil it in a pot of water for 30 minutes. Don't let it overflow like your 197,000-word picture book about anarchy.

  2. Drain. Put it back in the pot. Let it rest for 10 minutes or more. Fluff it up when it's time. All works need a good fluffer.

  3. Wonder how you can possibly chop 196,000 words out of your brilliant picture book so that it's the appropriate publishing-industry 'approved' length. Sob as you put a big skillet on medium heat.

  4. When it's hot, add the oil.

    Wonder if you can even judge this if you can't manage to cut a mere five words out of your picture book, the ABC's of ANARCHY.

  5. Throw in the onion, some salt. Stir a lot. Stir for 5 minutes. Cry. Why do no publishers understand that children under three are indeed ready for your picture book and can read things that long and sustain attention.

  6. Add garlic, ginger, cook 30 seconds. Continue stirring.

  7. All you do is stir.

  8. The man is making you stir, isn't he? He also created those picture book rules.

  9. To heck with the man. You'll self publish it. You don't need to cut or revise. You don't need the man.

  10. Put the peppers and carrots in. Cook for 5 minutes. Add curry past. Cook for two minutes

  11. Feel happy that you don't have to revise.

  12. Keep adding on words. I mean ingredients. Add kale, water, coconut milk, sugar.

    Keep stirring.

    Make it simmer and then lower that heat to keep it gentle but not too harsh. Just like the voice in your picture book. This should take between 5-10 minutes. You get to decide when it's ready. LOOK AT THAT POWER! Feel powerful. You are in charge of your destiny!

  13. Take it off the stove. Add soy sauce and juice. Add salt. If it's too mellow add more soy sauce. Serve it with that fluffy rice and rejoice!

What the Hummus is in that Quesadilla?

Print Recipe
What the Hummus is in that Quesadilla?
This is from the fantastic blog, Cookie and Kate (of awesome).
What the Hummus is in that Quesadilla? Hummus Quesadilla recipe from Cooking with a Writer, vegetarian recipes with a weird twist.
Cuisine american
Prep Time 5 minutes
Cook Time 8 minutes
Servings
normal people
Cuisine american
Prep Time 5 minutes
Cook Time 8 minutes
Servings
normal people
What the Hummus is in that Quesadilla? Hummus Quesadilla recipe from Cooking with a Writer, vegetarian recipes with a weird twist.
Instructions
  1. Put hummus all over the tortilla. Realize this is so outside of the box. This is like having a hamster and a human fall in love in a YA THRILLER outside the box.
  2. Go for it anyway. Critics be damned.
  3. Spread the rest of the fillings over one half of the tortilla.
  4. Seriously. WHO CARES WHAT PEOPLE THINK! This is the mash-up to end all mash-ups like if you crossed TRUE BLOOD with GO DOG GO.
  5. Fold those tortillas in half. Brush with olive oil.
  6. Heat up a pan on medium. Put the quesadillas in it. Cook for two minutes. Flip. Cook two minutes more. Brush with oil. Flip again until both sides are a pretty golden color.
  7. Dude Should you write a TRUE BLOOD/GO DOG GO mashup? How about a HUNGER GAMES/LOOKING FOR ALASKA mashup?
  8. Eat your quesadilla and realize that sometimes writers brains are weird. Be good with that. Who wants to be normal?

So, I’m trying to make the Man in the house eat more vegetarian foods because:

  1. I don’t like killing things.
  2. I want to be healthier.
  3. I don’t like killing things.

This time he thought I was insane. I explained all writers are insane.

Man Verdict:

I miss meat.

My Verdict:

This is delicious.

Dog Verdict:

Where the heck is the cheese?

WRITING NEWS

IN THE WOODS – READ AN EXCERPT, PREORDER NOW!

My next book, IN THE WOODS, appears in July with Steve Wedel. It’s scary and one of Publisher’s Weekly’s Buzz Books for Summer 2019. There’s an excerpt of it there and everything! But even cooler (for me) they’ve deemed it buzz worthy! Buzz worthy seems like an awesome thing to be deemed! 

You can preorder this bad boy, which might make it have a sequel. The sequel would be amazing. Believe me, I know. It features caves and monsters and love. Because doesn’t every story?

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is b5314ed645a47991655395d180f52f5c.jpg

HEAR MY BOOK BABY (AND MORE) ON PATREON

On February first, I launched my Patreon site where I’m reading chapters (in order) of a never-published teen fantasy novel, releasing deleted scenes and art from some of my more popular books. And so much more. Come hang out with me! Get cool things! 

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is The-Last-Gods-3.jpg

WHAT IS PATREON? 

A lot of you might be new to Patreon and not get how it works. That’s totally cool. New things can be scary, but there’s a cool primer HERE that explains how it works. The short of it is this: You give Patreon your paypal or credit card # and they charge you whatever you level you choose at the end of each month. That money supports me sharing my writing and art and podcasts and weirdness with you. Image

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is Superheroes-7-1.jpg


HELP US AND DO AN AWESOME GOOD DEED

Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness on the DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE podcast as we talk about random thoughts, writing advice and life tips. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of. Please share it and subscribe if you can. Please rate and like us if you are feeling kind, because it matters somehow. There’s a new episode every Tuesday!

ART

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is IMG_0393-2-963x1024.jpeg

You can buy some of my art. I paint to help inform my stories and some of the prints are available now. There will be more soon. You can check it out here. 

It’s the raspberry pie of courage and quotes and Ted Talks

First off, I apologize because WordPress is not letting me put the ´ above the e in Brene Brown’s name.

Print Recipe
Raspberry Pie of Bravery
This is adapted from the great HORN OF THE MOON COOKBOOK by Ginny Callan
raspberry pie of courage and quotes
Cuisine american, vegetarian
Prep Time 10 minutes
Cook Time 40 minutes
Passive Time 2 hours
Servings
humans
Ingredients
Cuisine american, vegetarian
Prep Time 10 minutes
Cook Time 40 minutes
Passive Time 2 hours
Servings
humans
Ingredients
raspberry pie of courage and quotes
Instructions
  1. Put the oven on 375-degrees Fahrenheit
  2. Think about Brene Brown and how she is telling you that you always have to take risks. Making this damn pie is taking a risk because raspberries are so damn expensive.
  3. Feel powerful for taking a risk.
  4. Oh damn. Honey is expensive too. Pretend you are not a starving writer, but a bad-a** woman with a six-figure book deal, a Brene Brown of writers selling your ideas about courage to other writers and you can totally afford honey and raspberries, damn it.
  5. Put the expensive honey, flour, and cream all in a bowl and beat them there until your dreams come true and you are this writer. No, actually just beat it until there are no lumps.
  6. Now, be gentle writers. Pretend the expensive raspberries are your creations, your book babies, and you want to gentle stir them into this mixture, which represents the book buying public aka readers.
  7. Pour it all into the pie crust.
  8. Pray that it will be good and not a sad, little mess. Channel your inner Brene Brown and repeat for 40 minutes, "Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen."
  9. Once 40 minutes is over , take the pie out. It looks good, doesn't it? Look at you, brave one! Taking the risks. Leaving courage via story and honey and raspberries and other expensive ingredients.
  10. Refrigerate it for 2 hours and go watch TED Talks by B. Brown.

Man Verdict: SUGAR! SUGAR IS GOOD!

Me: Actually, it’s honey.

Man: Isn’t that expensive?

Dog Verdict: This is delicious and almost as expensive as our dog food!

Writing News

From April 23-27 NEED and TIME STOPPERS ebooks are on sale on Nook. Please go buy one. They’re only $1.99 and $.99, which is so cheap that even I can afford them.

Time Stoppers Middle Grade Fantasy Series by Carrie Jones
Time Stoppers Front and Back Covers – US versions

IN THE WOODS – READ AN EXCERPT, PREORDER NOW!

My next book, IN THE WOODS, appears in July with Steve Wedel. It’s scary and one of Publisher’s Weekly’s Buzz Books for Summer 2019. There’s an excerpt of it there and everything! But even cooler (for me) they’ve deemed it buzz worthy! Buzz worthy seems like an awesome thing to be deemed! 

You can preorder this bad boy, which might make it have a sequel. The sequel would be amazing. Believe me, I know. It features caves and monsters and love. Because doesn’t every story?

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is b5314ed645a47991655395d180f52f5c.jpg

HEAR MY BOOK BABY (AND MORE) ON PATREON

On February first, I launched my Patreon site where I’m reading chapters (in order) of a never-published teen fantasy novel, releasing deleted scenes and art from some of my more popular books. And so much more. Come hang out with me! Get cool things! 

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is The-Last-Gods-3.jpg

WHAT IS PATREON? 

A lot of you might be new to Patreon and not get how it works. That’s totally cool. New things can be scary, but there’s a cool primer HERE that explains how it works. The short of it is this: You give Patreon your paypal or credit card # and they charge you whatever you level you choose at the end of each month. That money supports me sharing my writing and art and podcasts and weirdness with you. 

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is Superheroes-7-1.jpg


HELP US AND DO AN AWESOME GOOD DEED

Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness on the DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE podcast as we talk about random thoughts, writing advice and life tips. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of. Please share it and subscribe if you can. Please rate and like us if you are feeling kind, because it matters somehow. There’s a new episode every Tuesday!

ART

You can buy some of my art. I paint to help inform my stories and some of the prints are available now. There will be more soon. You can check it out here. 

TIPS ON MAKING DEVILED EGGS – Cooking With a Writer

Okay. I’m still talking about deviled eggs because? Well, you’ll see.

Tips on Making Deviled Eggs

1. Here’s a hint: They are called devilled eggs for a reason.


2. And, no, it is not because of the little hint of jalepeno that gives them a kick.


3. It’s because you have to HARD BOIL the little suckers first, and there are all these rules about boiling them. 


Yes, rules about boiling an egg. 


4. Boiling an egg should be simple.


5. It isn’t. 


6. It really isn’t simple if you get distracted by the fact that the 90-second rice pouch you put in the microwave just exploded.


7. But this is about eggs, not exploding rice pouches.


8. So, if you manage to boil the egg, then plunge the poor thing in cold, cold water, you must then PEEL THE EGG!


9. Eggs are not meant to be peeled. This is why they are eggs. Not bananas.

10. If you have happy, young fresh eggs they are harder to peel. The old buggers are better. 


11. Be prepared to sacrifice many, many eggs in your egg peeling quest for the perfect egg to devil.


11. Once, eggs are peeled, halved, and stuffed do not be offended when people in house say, “Holy crud. It’s like the egg has acne pits or something.”


12. Do not be offended when people in the house say, “Um? Are you sure this is a devilled egg? Should it be all wobbly like this? And gooey? It’s kind of gooey.”


13. Do not be offended when people in the house say, “Next time, can we just buy the premade kind in the grocery store.”


14. And do not have hurt feelings when they do not celebrate with you because you keep saying, “But look at the yolk. It isn’t green. That’s a big achievement, not to have green yolks.”


15. Do not throw eggs at them.


16. Or men in banana suits.


17 Just accept that you are not a gifted devilled egg maker. We can not be gifted in all things eggy. You are a good scrambler. Be happy with this.

WRITING AND OTHER NEWS

IN THE WOODS – READ AN EXCERPT, PREORDER NOW!

My next book, IN THE WOODS, appears in July with Steve Wedel. It’s scary and one of Publisher’s Weekly’s Buzz Books for Summer 2019. There’s an excerpt of it there and everything! But even cooler (for me) they’ve deemed it buzz worthy! Buzz worthy seems like an awesome thing to be deemed! 

You can preorder this bad boy, which might make it have a sequel. The sequel would be amazing. Believe me, I know. It features caves and monsters and love. Because doesn’t every story?

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is b5314ed645a47991655395d180f52f5c.jpg

HEAR MY BOOK BABY (AND MORE) ON PATREON

On February first, I launched my Patreon site where I’m reading chapters (in order) of a never-published teen fantasy novel, releasing deleted scenes and art from some of my more popular books. And so much more. Come hang out with me! Get cool things! 

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is The-Last-Gods-3.jpg

WHAT IS PATREON? 

A lot of you might be new to Patreon and not get how it works. That’s totally cool. New things can be scary, but there’s a cool primer HERE that explains how it works. The short of it is this: You give Patreon your paypal or credit card # and they charge you whatever you level you choose at the end of each month. That money supports me sharing my writing and art and podcasts and weirdness with you. 

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is Superheroes-7-1.jpg

Cheesy Broccoli of Horror’s Renaissance

Print Recipe
Cheesey Broccoli Minus the Velvet
Cheesey Broccoli Minus the Velvetta because it's expensive and also processed even though it's super delicious. This bad boy is adapted from Dinner At the Zoo
Cheesy Broccoli of Horror's Renaissance
Cuisine american
Prep Time 5 minutes
Cook Time 10 minutes
Passive Time 0 minutes
Servings
cheese lovers
Ingredients
Cuisine american
Prep Time 5 minutes
Cook Time 10 minutes
Passive Time 0 minutes
Servings
cheese lovers
Ingredients
Cheesy Broccoli of Horror's Renaissance
Instructions
  1. Think about how horror is having a renaissance and decide to make all your works in progress about horror somehow. You can do this. Let's start now.
  2. Find a bowl, look at your reflection is that you or shadow you? Is it the demon inside? Ignore this possibility and instead add cheese and corn starch. Combine it until all reflective surfaces are gone.
  3. Put that mixture and evaporated milk into a pan. DO NOT LOOK AT REFLECTIVE SURFACES!
  4. Put it on low heat. Watch the gauge turn it to medium heat. Turn it back to low.
  5. What was that behind you? Nothing. No. Just the cat. Ha! Jump scare.
  6. It was a jump scare, wasn't it?
  7. Realize you might not be cut out to write horror. Stir until cheese has melted like a bad guy's face in an Indiana Jones movie. The sauce should be thick, smooth like blood.
  8. If it's too thick (like maybe your plot?) add more milk.
  9. Use salt and pepper. Don't think you heard the shower turn on.
  10. Did someone whisper, "Too much salt is bad for the heart?"
  11. No. No of course they didn't. Turn off the stove burner. Unplug the stove for good measure. Poor the cheese over the broccoli. Lock the doors.

When I was little (okay all the way through high school), the only way my mom would eat broccoli or cauliflower was if she smothered it in Velveeta cheese mixed with skim milk.

This, of course, would terrify the healthy people of this world.

So, I found a recipe on dinneratthezoo and adapted it. To see the real recipe, check out the link. And let me give a shout-out to that website, which is just beautifully done.

So, what was the verdict in the House That I’m Trying To Make More Vegetarian?

Man Verdict

I miss Velveeta.

Dog Verdict

Are we allowed cheese? Or broccoli?

My Verdict

I miss my mom. This is good though.


WRITING AND OTHER NEWS

IN THE WOODS – READ AN EXCERPT, PREORDER NOW!

My next book, IN THE WOODS, appears in July with Steve Wedel. It’s scary and one of Publisher’s Weekly’s Buzz Books for Summer 2019. There’s an excerpt of it there and everything! But even cooler (for me) they’ve deemed it buzz worthy! Buzz worthy seems like an awesome thing to be deemed!

You can preorder this bad boy, which might make it have a sequel. The sequel would be amazing. Believe me, I know. It features caves and monsters and love. Because doesn’t every story?

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is b5314ed645a47991655395d180f52f5c.jpg

HEAR MY BOOK BABY (AND MORE) ON PATREON

On February first, I launched my Patreon site where I’m reading chapters (in order) of a never-published teen fantasy novel, releasing deleted scenes and art from some of my more popular books. And so much more. Come hang out with me! Get cool things!

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is The-Last-Gods-3.jpg

WHAT IS PATREON? 

A lot of you might be new to Patreon and not get how it works. That’s totally cool. New things can be scary, but there’s a cool primer HERE that explains how it works. The short of it is this: You give Patreon your paypal or credit card # and they charge you whatever you level you choose at the end of each month. That money supports me sharing my writing and art and podcasts and weirdness with you. 

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is Superheroes-7-1.jpg


HELP US AND DO AN AWESOME GOOD DEED

Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness on the DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE podcast as we talk about random thoughts, writing advice and life tips. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of. Please share it and subscribe if you can. Please rate and like us if you are feeling kind, because it matters somehow. There’s a new episode every Tuesday!


BE A PART OF THE PODCAST!

Hey! If you download the Anchor application, you can call into the podcast, record a question, or just say ‘hi,’ and we’ll answer. You can be heard on our podcast! Sa-sweet!

No question is too wild. But just like Shaun does, try not to swear, okay?

Here is the link to the mobile app. Our latest episode is above. It’s also on YouTube here.

Stuffed Eggs Like My Aunts Made

Print Recipe
Stuffed Eggs
Eggs stuffed with Stuff
Stuffed Egg Recipe
Cuisine american
Prep Time 20 minutes
Cook Time 0 minutes
Passive Time 0 minutes
Servings
servings
Ingredients
Cuisine american
Prep Time 20 minutes
Cook Time 0 minutes
Passive Time 0 minutes
Servings
servings
Ingredients
Stuffed Egg Recipe
Instructions
  1. Hard boil the eggs. Feel positive. You've got this.
  2. Peel the eggs.
  3. Cut the eggs in half.
  4. Worry about the eggs. It must be hard to be boiled, peeled, and cut in half. It feels like having your book reviewed.
  5. Find wine.
  6. Sip it like the writer you are and DO NOT CHUG it because some random reviewer is probably watching right now and judging.
  7. Be thankful that there aren't life reviewers.
  8. Remember to be grateful that there are book reviewers because even if they hated your book that's okay. It means one other person beside your mom actually read the book.
  9. Toast book reviewers.
  10. Continue cooking. Scoop out the yolks. Mash those yolks and then add mayo and mustard.
  11. Season it. Think of how you can use these stuffed eggs as an objective correlative of your life.
  12. Decide against that. Drink another sip. REMEMBER NOT TO GUZZLE!
  13. Season the yolk mixture. Put it inside the white part of the eggs' empty cavity. Look at you replacing what was lost and making things better and tastier. Feel proud writer.
  14. Cut tomatoes in half. Be careful because you've had wine and now you're using a knife.
  15. Put each tomato half on top of a tiny piece of lettuce.
  16. It looks so pretty! EAT THEM ALL! DO NOT SHARE! You deserve it writer, plus low carbs. WIN!

My aunts always refused to call stuffed eggs, deviled eggs because they were pretty sure that would make the devil come hang out in their kitchen.

Nobody wants the devil in their kitchen.

My mom thought this was nonsense. She also thought stuffed eggs required relish or pickles and putting lettuce or a tomato on top was sinful and that’s what would make the devil come to your kitchen.

And there you have their relationship all wrapped up in an egg. Oh! The aunts were pro-Coke and my mom was all Pepsi all the time. That might help envision the situation.

Anyways, I made the eggs and hopefully the ghosts of my aunts and the ghost of my mom are bickering over it right now. 🙂

Man Verdict:

Why would you ruin a good egg with a tomato? Hold on while I pick it off.

Dogs’ Verdict:

All eggs are good eggs. Thank you.

My Verdict:

I love everyone. The end. No, also I love these eggs.


WRITING AND OTHER NEWS

IN THE WOODS – READ AN EXCERPT, PREORDER NOW!

My next book, IN THE WOODS, appears in July with Steve Wedel. It’s scary and one of Publisher’s Weekly’s Buzz Books for Summer 2019. There’s an excerpt of it there and everything! But even cooler (for me) they’ve deemed it buzz worthy! Buzz worthy seems like an awesome thing to be deemed!

You can preorder this bad boy, which might make it have a sequel. The sequel would be amazing. Believe me, I know. It features caves and monsters and love. Because doesn’t every story?

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is b5314ed645a47991655395d180f52f5c.jpg

HEAR MY BOOK BABY (AND MORE) ON PATREON

On February first, I launched my Patreon site where I’m reading chapters (in order) of a never-published teen fantasy novel, releasing deleted scenes and art from some of my more popular books. And so much more. Come hang out with me! Get cool things!

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is The-Last-Gods-3.jpg

WHAT IS PATREON? 

A lot of you might be new to Patreon and not get how it works. That’s totally cool. New things can be scary, but there’s a cool primer HERE that explains how it works. The short of it is this: You give Patreon your paypal or credit card # and they charge you whatever you level you choose at the end of each month. That money supports me sharing my writing and art and podcasts and weirdness with you. 

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is Superheroes-7-1.jpg


HELP US AND DO AN AWESOME GOOD DEED

Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness on the DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE podcast as we talk about random thoughts, writing advice and life tips. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of. Please share it and subscribe if you can. Please rate and like us if you are feeling kind, because it matters somehow. There’s a new episode every Tuesday!


BE A PART OF THE PODCAST!

Hey! If you download the Anchor application, you can call into the podcast, record a question, or just say ‘hi,’ and we’ll answer. You can be heard on our podcast! Sa-sweet!

No question is too wild. But just like Shaun does, try not to swear, okay?

Here is the link to the mobile app. Our latest episode is above. It’s also on YouTube here.

Basil-Tomato Creamy Pasta for Valentines Day

Print Recipe
Basil Tomato Creamy Pasta for Valentines Day
This recipe was recommended by Alyson and is adapted from Lee Hirsh of Fit Foodie Finds
Quirky and funny vegetarian recipes redone with author Carrie Jones featuring Basil Tomato Creamy Pasta for Valentines Day
Cuisine american, Italian
Keyword pasta
Prep Time 15 minutes
Cook Time 30 minutes
Passive Time overnight soaking
Servings
people
Ingredients
Cuisine american, Italian
Keyword pasta
Prep Time 15 minutes
Cook Time 30 minutes
Passive Time overnight soaking
Servings
people
Ingredients
Quirky and funny vegetarian recipes redone with author Carrie Jones featuring Basil Tomato Creamy Pasta for Valentines Day
Instructions
  1. First, prepare for your meal of love and put your beautiful, expensive cashews in a big bowl and leave them there overnight while you dream of their beautiful, exquisite form. Maybe write a sonnet about them.
  2. It is the next day! Writer, you are in love with your story and therefore you are in love with life so go put that stove on 400.
  3. Line a pan with tinfoil or aluminum foil. Wait. What is it? When did this word change? Resist the urge to look it up and just use the shiny stuff.
  4. Look at all your adorable ingredients. They are the character in the story called DINNER. Love them up. Maybe kiss them quickly. Make sure nobody is watching
  5. Put all the tomatoes, onions, garlic, olive oil, salt, and pepper on top of the lined baking sheet. ADORE THEM!
  6. Find the olive oil and drizzle its juice all over the vegetables on the sheet. Do not breathe heavily. This is not porn. This is dinner.
  7. Feel guilty that your brain even went there.
  8. Put it in the oven and shut it. Are you feeling ashamed? It's okay. It's all behind the oven door now. Keep it all back there, hidden, for 20 minutes.
  9. Take the pan out. Skin the tomatoes. Dear God! What have you become? It started out so lovingly and now you are skinning tomatoes! YOU ARE A WRITER NOT A DEMON! YOU ARE NO HANNIBEL! Take no pleasure in this step. Also be careful not to burn your fingers.
  10. Cook pasta according to its directions.
  11. Hide it all in the oven again for ten minutes and breathe deeply. Practice your mantras. Repeat after me, "I cook with love. I cook with love. I cook with love."
  12. You know those cashews you've been drowning all night? Put them in a blender. Add the vegetables and their juices. Blend. Blend it until smooth until there's no damn evidence that these things were once separate entities. Add salt.
  13. Mix it up with the pasta. Eat it. Check for cameras.

As many of you know, I’m trying to get the man who lives in this house to eat less meat.

Important note: He hates tomatoes, but you can disguise them and he’s cool with it.

This works as a disguise.

HAPPY LOVE DAY! Maybe all your loves be good ones.

Man Verdict:

I LOVE THIS AND I LOVE YOU! BECAUSE IT IS Valentine’s Day AND I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE.

My Verdict:

I LOVE THIS AND I LOVE EVERYTHING.

DOGS VERDICT:

PLEASE DROP THINGS ON THE FLOOR!

Gabby the Dog Cooking with a Writer Recipes - Peanut Butter is Awesome
Food is Awesome!



WRITING AND OTHER NEWS

IN THE WOODS – READ AN EXCERPT, PREORDER NOW!

My next book, IN THE WOODS, appears in July with Steve Wedel. It’s scary and one of Publisher’s Weekly’s Buzz Books for Summer 2019. There’s an excerpt of it there and everything! But even cooler (for me) they’ve deemed it buzz worthy! Buzz worthy seems like an awesome thing to be deemed!

You can preorder this bad boy, which might make it have a sequel. The sequel would be amazing. Believe me, I know. It features caves and monsters and love. Because doesn’t every story?

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is b5314ed645a47991655395d180f52f5c.jpg

HEAR MY BOOK BABY (AND MORE) ON PATREON

On February first, I’m going to launch my Patreon site where I’ll be reading chapters (in order) of a never-published teen fantasy novel, releasing deleted scenes and art from some of my more popular books. And so much more.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is The-Last-Gods-3.jpg

WHAT IS PATREON? 

A lot of you might be new to Patreon and not get how it works. That’s totally cool. New things can be scary, but there’s a cool primer HERE that explains how it works. The short of it is this: You give Patreon your paypal or credit card # and they charge you whatever you level you choose at the end of each month. That money supports me sharing my writing and art and podcasts and weirdness with you. 

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is Superheroes-7-1.jpg


HELP US AND DO AN AWESOME GOOD DEED

Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness on the DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE podcast as we talk about random thoughts, writing advice and life tips. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of. Please share it and subscribe if you can. Please rate and like us if you are feeling kind, because it matters somehow. There’s a new episode every Tuesday!


BE A PART OF THE PODCAST!

Hey! If you download the Anchor application, you can call into the podcast, record a question, or just say ‘hi,’ and we’ll answer. You can be heard on our podcast! Sa-sweet!

No question is too wild. But just like Shaun does, try not to swear, okay?

Here is the link to the mobile app.

ART.

I do art stuff. You can find it and buy a print here. 

Bar Harbor Art Carrie Jones Welcome to Magic
Bar Harbor Art Carrie Jones Welcome to Magic

TIME STOPPERS!

You can order my middle grade fantasy novel Time Stoppers Escape From the Badlands here or anywhere.

People call it a cross between Harry Potter and Percy Jackson but it’s set in Maine. It’s full of adventure, quirkiness and heart.

Time Stoppers Carrie Jones Middle grade fantasy

FLYING AND ENHANCED

Men in Black meet Buffy the Vampire Slayer? You know it. You can buy them here or anywhere. It’s fun, accessible science fiction.

31702754 copy