What Makes a Story Awesome

I posted this back in June and I’m vaguely burnt out this week, plus I think it’s good advice, so I’m reposting it. Spoiler: I’m not vaguely burnt out. I’m pretty dragging.

It needs emotion.

Emotional tug and resonance. That’s a big key about what makes a story awesome, but there are a couple more important ingredients that you need to make your story shine bright like a diamond. Thanks Rihanna.

Your character has to have emotions and emotional reactions so that your reader has emotional reactions to what’s going on.

It needs conflict.

There needs to be a want and obstacles to the want.

It needs to be fresh.

When I wrote Tips on Having a Gay (Ex) Boyfriend, I was trying to understand a hate crime that I’d heard about, but I also was trying to write not from the point-of-view of the evil bully or the gay man. I decided to write from the point of view of the ex-girlfriend. It was a different angle. And it was picked up off the slush pile out of thousands of novels and published because it was fresh. And it won a IPPY award because of the same reason.

It needs to be believable.

It may end up being a story about a boy wizard, but it needs to start somewhere real, like ‘What if there were magical people and one of them was evil and killed the parents of a boy. But what if he didn’t die because his mother’s love was the greatest, strongest magic of all? And what if he survived to fight that wizard, eventually?” The what-ifs are a writer’s best weapon. But the premise needs to be based in something we all understand (or want to), which in that case was love.

Do Good Wednesday

So, since I have a tendency to come on people in stress and duress and since it’s my stepdad’s death-i-versary and he died of a heart attack, here is my do good Wednesday idea.

Take a CPR class.

It’s important. It helps. It can buy people time until an ambulance arrives or a defibrillator is there.

This link takes you to CPR classes run by the Red Cross, but there are so many places you can take them.



WRITING AND OTHER NEWS

IN THE WOODS – READ AN EXCERPT, PREORDER NOW!

My next book, IN THE WOODS, appears in July with Steve Wedel. It’s scary and one of Publisher’s Weekly’s Buzz Books for Summer 2019. There’s an excerpt of it there and everything! But even cooler (for me) they’ve deemed it buzz worthy! Buzz worthy seems like an awesome thing to be deemed!

You can preorder this bad boy, which might make it have a sequel. The sequel would be amazing. Believe me, I know. It features caves and monsters and love. Because doesn’t every story?

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is b5314ed645a47991655395d180f52f5c.jpg

HEAR MY BOOK BABY (AND MORE) ON PATREON

On February first, I launched my Patreon site where I’m reading chapters (in order) of a never-published teen fantasy novel, releasing deleted scenes and art from some of my more popular books. And so much more. Come hang out with me! Get cool things!

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is The-Last-Gods-3.jpg

WHAT IS PATREON? 

A lot of you might be new to Patreon and not get how it works. That’s totally cool. New things can be scary, but there’s a cool primer HERE that explains how it works. The short of it is this: You give Patreon your paypal or credit card # and they charge you whatever you level you choose at the end of each month. That money supports me sharing my writing and art and podcasts and weirdness with you. 

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is Superheroes-7-1.jpg


HELP US AND DO AN AWESOME GOOD DEED

Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness on the DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE podcast as we talk about random thoughts, writing advice and life tips. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of. Please share it and subscribe if you can. Please rate and like us if you are feeling kind, because it matters somehow. There’s a new episode every Tuesday!

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Risk Everything Like A Boss Dog, Man – Dogs are Smarter Than People Podcast

A good story involves risk – risk to the character – risk to the things she or he loves.

In our random thought we talk about a Twitter thread by writer John Paul Brammer (@jpbrammer), which details how a cat and two dogs showed up at his apartment door and how they wanted inside. He couldn’t figure out what the animals were doing there and what to do with them.

His tiny story had everything – confusion, an objective (to keep the animals safe), a mystery (where did the animals belong) and a conclusion when the owners came back home.

There was risk involved – a massive amount of risk to the animals and a smaller amount of risk to Mr. Brammer who obviously isn’t a pro about dogs.

But, he pushed back his confusion and put himself out there to help the animals and keep them safe. He took a risk by opening the door to the dogs and cat. Twitter heralded him for it.

A good story involves risk – risk to the character – risk to the things she or he loves.

In life, sometimes those risks work out well. And honestly, sometimes they don’t. But if you want to grow, you sometimes have to take those risks, reach beyond the ordinary and go after your dreams.

Writing Tip of the Pod

The act of writing, of communicating your thoughts is a risk in itself. Take it one step more and be risky in your story, your dialogue, your ideas.

I think all writers should have one t-shirt that says Take The Risk. I’ve heard people say writing has changed their lives forever. I believe that. It changed mine in ways I couldn’t possibly imagine. Because the moment I let risk in, the world became a very easy place to navigate.

Susan Tupper, The Review Review.

Dog Tip For Life

Humans tend not to be risk takers, but dogs? Dogs come from wolves, but according to studies, wolves are totally into taking risks, while dogs are a bit more hesitant. That’s because dogs depend on their friends to help them out. Friends help alleviate the need for risks. Call on your friends when you need support and help. And be a friend when others need you.

SHOUT OUT! 

The music we’ve clipped and shortened in this podcast is awesome and is made available through the Creative Commons License. Here’s a link to that and the artist’s website. Who is this artist and what is this song?  It’s “Night Owl” by Broke For Free.


WRITING AND OTHER NEWS

IN THE WOODS – READ AN EXCERPT, PREORDER NOW!

My next book, IN THE WOODS, appears in July with Steve Wedel. It’s scary and one of Publisher’s Weekly’s Buzz Books for Summer 2019. There’s an excerpt of it there and everything! But even cooler (for me) they’ve deemed it buzz worthy! Buzz worthy seems like an awesome thing to be deemed!

You can preorder this bad boy, which might make it have a sequel. The sequel would be amazing. Believe me, I know. It features caves and monsters and love. Because doesn’t every story?

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is b5314ed645a47991655395d180f52f5c.jpg

HEAR MY BOOK BABY (AND MORE) ON PATREON

On February first, I launched my Patreon site where I’m reading chapters (in order) of a never-published teen fantasy novel, releasing deleted scenes and art from some of my more popular books. And so much more. Come hang out with me! Get cool things!

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is The-Last-Gods-3.jpg

WHAT IS PATREON? 

A lot of you might be new to Patreon and not get how it works. That’s totally cool. New things can be scary, but there’s a cool primer HERE that explains how it works. The short of it is this: You give Patreon your paypal or credit card # and they charge you whatever you level you choose at the end of each month. That money supports me sharing my writing and art and podcasts and weirdness with you. 

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is Superheroes-7-1.jpg


HELP US AND DO AN AWESOME GOOD DEED

Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness on the DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE podcast as we talk about random thoughts, writing advice and life tips. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of. Please share it and subscribe if you can. Please rate and like us if you are feeling kind, because it matters somehow. There’s a new episode every Tuesday!


BE A PART OF THE PODCAST!

Hey! If you download the Anchor application, you can call into the podcast, record a question, or just say ‘hi,’ and we’ll answer. You can be heard on our podcast! Sa-sweet!

No question is too wild. But just like Shaun does, try not to swear, okay?

Here is the link to the mobile app. Our latest episode is above. It’s also on YouTube here.

He Likes to Hug

“He likes to hug,” Terri Olivia tells us about her son, Liandro. “He likes to hug a lot.”

Terri is not lying. 

Come within a foot of Liandro, a thin-calved tall boy with thick, brown hair and the kindest eyes, and you will be hugged. Your elbow will possibly be kissed. If you are wearing sunglasses, they will fall off your head. 

“He is full of love,” she says to the Rotarians from Bar Harbor and Ellsworth, Maine as they bring Liandro a wheelchair. “His heart is so full of it.” 

Liandro’S Scars

His heart is full of love, but his forehead is full of scars. Every time Liandro’s parents try to take him from their home, he collapses, leaning forward, hitting the hard surface head first. It happens in the home, too, sometimes. But mostly it happens outside when he crosses the threshold of the house into the world, the boy whose heart is full of love, panics, and if his parents (who both work at a nearby radio station) do not catch him, his forehead gets another scar. 

“His head falls first. Always first,” Terri says, sighing. “There is a commotion and then he falls.” She turns to Shelly Falk, incoming president of the Rotary Club of Corozal. “Bless you for doing this for us.” 

We all have scars

For a second, I think of my own body and all its scars that have happened from falling – falls I don’t remember because they happen when I had seizures. Scars that appear in random places. For a second, I think of how scared I am sometimes when I step out into the world, worrying about seizure scars and scars that can come from people unlike Liandro, from people who don’t think kindness and love are priorities.

The Rotary Club of Corozal was in charge of the distribution of wheelchairs in its area. Members of the Bar Harbor/MDI Rotary Club and the Rotary Club of Ellsworth, Maine raised money to fund the wheelchairs through the Canadian Wheelchair Association and traveled to Belize to help fit, size, and distribute the chairs. 

“I am very happy,” Terri says as Liandro is fitted into a wheelchair and backed out of their home. He doesn’t fall. He doesn’t get another scar. There is no commotion.

Liandro seems happy too. Within minutes he is already hugging from his wheelchair. Nothing can stop a young man who is full of love, not scars, not thresholds, especially not when he has a wheelchair. 


WRITING AND OTHER NEWS

IN THE WOODS – READ AN EXCERPT, PREORDER NOW!

My next book, IN THE WOODS, appears in July with Steve Wedel. It’s scary and one of Publisher’s Weekly’s Buzz Books for Summer 2019. There’s an excerpt of it there and everything! But even cooler (for me) they’ve deemed it buzz worthy! Buzz worthy seems like an awesome thing to be deemed!

You can preorder this bad boy, which might make it have a sequel. The sequel would be amazing. Believe me, I know. It features caves and monsters and love. Because doesn’t every story?

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is b5314ed645a47991655395d180f52f5c.jpg

HEAR MY BOOK BABY (AND MORE) ON PATREON

On February first, I launched my Patreon site where I’m be reading chapters (in order) of a never-published teen fantasy novel, releasing deleted scenes and art from some of my more popular books. And so much more. Come hang out with me! Get cool things!

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is The-Last-Gods-3.jpg

WHAT IS PATREON? 

A lot of you might be new to Patreon and not get how it works. That’s totally cool. New things can be scary, but there’s a cool primer HERE that explains how it works. The short of it is this: You give Patreon your paypal or credit card # and they charge you whatever you level you choose at the end of each month. That money supports me sharing my writing and art and podcasts and weirdness with you. 

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is Superheroes-7-1.jpg


HELP US AND DO AN AWESOME GOOD DEED

Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness on the DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE podcast as we talk about random thoughts, writing advice and life tips. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of. Please share it and subscribe if you can. Please rate and like us if you are feeling kind, because it matters somehow. There’s a new episode every Tuesday!


BE A PART OF THE PODCAST!

Hey! If you download the Anchor application, you can call into the podcast, record a question, or just say ‘hi,’ and we’ll answer. You can be heard on our podcast! Sa-sweet!

No question is too wild. But just like Shaun does, try not to swear, okay?

Here is the link to the mobile app. Our latest episode is below. It’s also on YouTube here.


Brood Me Up – Cheese Daisies


Print Recipe


Brood Me Up - Cheese Daisies

Cheese Daisies are amazing. The end.

This recipe is adapted from Charleston Receipts.

Brood Me Up - Cheese Daisies Recipe

Prep Time 30 minutes
Cook Time 12 minutes
Passive Time 30 minutes of chilling

Servings
people


Ingredients

Prep Time 30 minutes
Cook Time 12 minutes
Passive Time 30 minutes of chilling

Servings
people


Ingredients

Brood Me Up - Cheese Daisies Recipe


Instructions
  1. Writers are supposed to be brooding. Let us brood

  2. Cream that butter and then cream the butter and cheeses together.

    Pretend it is everyone who ever told you that writers were supposed to brood.

  3. They don't define you. You define you.

  4. Sift flour with salt and pepper. Look at the grains clutch each other like a happy writer community. Add it into the creamed stuff.

  5. Writer communities are made up of all kind of writers with all kind of differences, damn it. And some of us are not brooding.

  6. Repeat after me as you chill for a half hour, "Writers can be happy. Writers can be happy."

  7. Once the dough is chill and you are chill (30 minutes) take it out of the chilling place and roll it out.

  8. Use a small biscuit cutter and feel good about it. Make some of them less uniform because EVERYTHING DOES NOT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE THE SAME!

  9. Regain your chill.

  10. Spray a sheet pan. But the cheese daisies into the oven that's at 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Cook for 12 minutes.

  11. Eat all the servings. Be happy.

Brood Me Up – Cheese Daisies Recipe

Print Recipe
Brood Me Up - Cheese Daisies
Cheese Daisies are amazing. The end. This recipe is adapted from Charleston Receipts.
Brood Me Up - Cheese Daisies Recipe
Prep Time 30 minutes
Cook Time 12 minutes
Passive Time 30 minutes of chilling
Servings
people
Ingredients
Prep Time 30 minutes
Cook Time 12 minutes
Passive Time 30 minutes of chilling
Servings
people
Ingredients
Brood Me Up - Cheese Daisies Recipe
Instructions
  1. Writers are supposed to be brooding. Let us brood
  2. Cream that butter and then cream the butter and cheeses together. Pretend it is everyone who ever told you that writers were supposed to brood.
  3. They don't define you. You define you.
  4. Sift flour with salt and pepper. Look at the grains clutch each other like a happy writer community. Add it into the creamed stuff.
  5. Writer communities are made up of all kind of writers with all kind of differences, damn it. And some of us are not brooding.
  6. Repeat after me as you chill for a half hour, "Writers can be happy. Writers can be happy."
  7. Once the dough is chill and you are chill (30 minutes) take it out of the chilling place and roll it out.
  8. Use a small biscuit cutter and feel good about it. Make some of them less uniform because EVERYTHING DOES NOT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE THE SAME!
  9. Regain your chill.
  10. Spray a sheet pan. But the cheese daisies into the oven that's at 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Cook for 12 minutes.
  11. Eat all the servings. Be happy.

Hey! I’ve been thinking about writer stereotypes and how we’re all supposed to be brooding and it made me brood! No. It’s just annoying.

This recipe is old, old, old and Shaun insists it’s Southern.

Who knows? I just know it’s adorable because it has the word ‘daisies’ in it.

I hope you like it!

And if you feel like supporting us, please check out my Patreon or any of the things below. Or just like and share. It’s all good.

Man Verdict:

Yum

Dog’s Verdict:

We adore this.

My Verdict:

Carbs are magic.


WRITING AND OTHER NEWS

IN THE WOODS – READ AN EXCERPT, PREORDER NOW!

My next book, IN THE WOODS, appears in July with Steve Wedel. It’s scary and one of Publisher’s Weekly’s Buzz Books for Summer 2019. There’s an excerpt of it there and everything! But even cooler (for me) they’ve deemed it buzz worthy! Buzz worthy seems like an awesome thing to be deemed!

You can preorder this bad boy, which might make it have a sequel. The sequel would be amazing. Believe me, I know. It features caves and monsters and love. Because doesn’t every story?

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is b5314ed645a47991655395d180f52f5c.jpg

HEAR MY BOOK BABY (AND MORE) ON PATREON

On February first, I launched my Patreon site where I’m reading chapters (in order) of a never-published teen fantasy novel, releasing deleted scenes and art from some of my more popular books. And so much more. Come hang out with me! Get cool things!

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is The-Last-Gods-3.jpg

WHAT IS PATREON? 

A lot of you might be new to Patreon and not get how it works. That’s totally cool. New things can be scary, but there’s a cool primer HERE that explains how it works. The short of it is this: You give Patreon your paypal or credit card # and they charge you whatever you level you choose at the end of each month. That money supports me sharing my writing and art and podcasts and weirdness with you. 

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is Superheroes-7-1.jpg


HELP US AND DO AN AWESOME GOOD DEED

Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness on the DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE podcast as we talk about random thoughts, writing advice and life tips. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of. Please share it and subscribe if you can. Please rate and like us if you are feeling kind, because it matters somehow. There’s a new episode every Tuesday!


BE A PART OF THE PODCAST!

Hey! If you download the Anchor application, you can call into the podcast, record a question, or just say ‘hi,’ and we’ll answer. You can be heard on our podcast! Sa-sweet!

No question is too wild. But just like Shaun does, try not to swear, okay?

Here is the link to the mobile app. Our latest episode is above. It’s also on YouTube here.


Don’t Hate the People You Write For, Writing Tip Wednesday

It seems pretty simple, doesn’t it?

You write books for readers. You shouldn’t hate your readers or think you’re better than them and yet…?

This is one of those blog entries you regret later, but I don’t care. I’ll erase it tomorrow morning if I get terribly regretful.

On a forum for Children’s book writers, a long time ago, a fellow student wrote, “Kids are morons.”

I had a really hard time with that.

Why?

Because that statement is just so wrong on so many levels.

1. It’s bigoted. Why do people think it’s okay to write bigoted statements about kids? Why is this somehow more acceptable than writing a bigoted statement about gender, race, religion, sexual orientation, class. I know. I know. People do say bigoted statements about all of those things, too. But it seems like no one at all notices when the bigotry is against kids.

2. This person who said that “kids are morons” is a children’s book writer. HOW WRONG IS THIS? YES! I AM SHOUTING! Talk about a total disrespect for your client. How condescending. How not to market yourself. Can you imagine if a congressman openly said, “All voters are morons.” Or if a singer said, “Everyone who listens to my songs is an idiot.” They’d be getting a lot of votes and downloads.

3. It’s also wrong because it’s a blanket statement. It’s the classic bigotry set-up. Show difference (Kids are not adults). Make differences bad (Kids have less life experience than adults). Make the other group lesser (Kids are morons). 

It’s bigger than kids

This is obviously bigger than just a kids book writer hating on kids. It’s about generalizations and not realizing that you can’t make a blanket statement of any category of people because of their demographics. All 15-year-old kids from Maine are not the same. All 47-year-old men from Seattle are not the same.

When we make blanket statements that are full of derision we hurt ourselves and others. We miss out on how cool other people are, but we also add to the amount of stupidity and hate in the world.

As writers, we’re supposed to understand difference, character, choices and actions. We’re supposed to be able to create stories that resonate with multiple truths, not just our own. It’s suppose to be about empathy, responsibility and story. Not judgement and derision.

I’m wandering off to grumble now.


WRITING AND OTHER NEWS

IN THE WOODS – READ AN EXCERPT, PREORDER NOW!

My next book, IN THE WOODS, appears in July with Steve Wedel. It’s scary and one of Publisher’s Weekly’s Buzz Books for Summer 2019. There’s an excerpt of it there and everything! But even cooler (for me) they’ve deemed it buzz worthy! Buzz worthy seems like an awesome thing to be deemed!

You can preorder this bad boy, which might make it have a sequel. The sequel would be amazing. Believe me, I know. It features caves and monsters and love. Because doesn’t every story?

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is b5314ed645a47991655395d180f52f5c.jpg

HEAR MY BOOK BABY (AND MORE) ON PATREON

On February first, I launched my Patreon site where I’m be reading chapters (in order) of a never-published teen fantasy novel, releasing deleted scenes and art from some of my more popular books. And so much more. Come hang out with me! Get cool things!

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is The-Last-Gods-3.jpg

WHAT IS PATREON? 

A lot of you might be new to Patreon and not get how it works. That’s totally cool. New things can be scary, but there’s a cool primer HERE that explains how it works. The short of it is this: You give Patreon your paypal or credit card # and they charge you whatever you level you choose at the end of each month. That money supports me sharing my writing and art and podcasts and weirdness with you. 

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is Superheroes-7-1.jpg


HELP US AND DO AN AWESOME GOOD DEED

Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness on the DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE podcast as we talk about random thoughts, writing advice and life tips. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of. Please share it and subscribe if you can. Please rate and like us if you are feeling kind, because it matters somehow. There’s a new episode every Tuesday!


BE A PART OF THE PODCAST!

Hey! If you download the Anchor application, you can call into the podcast, record a question, or just say ‘hi,’ and we’ll answer. You can be heard on our podcast! Sa-sweet!

No question is too wild. But just like Shaun does, try not to swear, okay?

Here is the link to the mobile app. Our latest episode is below. It’s also on YouTube here.


Dutch Oven Your Hero

So, last month Carrie was on an airplane, where she was trapped on a Philadelphia runway for awhile. Okay, hours. And someone kept expelling gas out the rectum.

In Shaun language that means fart.

Anyways, they were all trapped there, smelling this smell, and it was bad. Not bad enough for them to cancel the flight, which has allegedly happened in the past, but it was bad.

It was a giant multi-person dutch oven.

We’re not talking about the nice kind of dutch ovens from Le Creuset where you make phenomenal meals. We’re talking about the kind where you’re in bed with someone and you make a bad smell and then yank up the covers and trap your loved one in there so they must smell the smell and they can’t escape.


What does this have to do with writing?

Dutch ovens are all about being trapped in a situation you’d rather not be in, right? That tension and need to escape is a big part of writing, especially writing thrillers.

Writing Tension Tip #1

Writers need tension in their story, but you don’t want to kill your reader with that tension. Your tension has a goal and a purpose. It’s not just thrown in there for no reason. It’s like when you’re in a fight. You don’t throw a punch without a purpose. You want to knock someone down.

Tension is like that.

But if you let it all loose at once (think bad gas) and then trap someone in there with it? They’re going to want to escape. If there’s no point in the tension except for tension then the reader is going to be overwhelmed and try to escape.

Writing Tension Tip #2

However, your hero? You want to trap them. You want that hero to be stuck in the dutch oven and trying to get out. Trapping your hero makes the reader sympathize with the hero.

Trap your hero. Put her in an impossible situation. Make him work to get out of it. Have them trapped emotionally and physically and need desperately to escape. All the tension must be around that.

Writing Tip of the Pod

Trap your hero but not your readers.

Dog Tip for Life

It’s best to expel gas silently and blame the humans.



SHOUT OUT!

The music we’ve clipped and shortened in this podcast is awesome and is made available through the Creative Commons License. Here’s a link to that and the artist’s website. Who is this artist and what is this song?  It’s “Night Owl” by Broke For Free.


WRITING AND OTHER NEWS

IN THE WOODS – READ AN EXCERPT, PREORDER NOW!

My next book, IN THE WOODS, appears in July with Steve Wedel. It’s scary and one of Publisher’s Weekly’s Buzz Books for Summer 2019. There’s an excerpt of it there and everything! But even cooler (for me) they’ve deemed it buzz worthy! Buzz worthy seems like an awesome thing to be deemed!

You can preorder this bad boy, which might make it have a sequel. The sequel would be amazing. Believe me, I know. It features caves and monsters and love. Because doesn’t every story?

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is b5314ed645a47991655395d180f52f5c.jpg

HEAR MY BOOK BABY (AND MORE) ON PATREON

On February first, I launched my Patreon site where I’m reading chapters (in order) of a never-published teen fantasy novel, releasing deleted scenes and art from some of my more popular books. And so much more.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is The-Last-Gods-3.jpg

WHAT IS PATREON? 

A lot of you might be new to Patreon and not get how it works. That’s totally cool. New things can be scary, but there’s a cool primer HERE that explains how it works. The short of it is this: You give Patreon your paypal or credit card # and they charge you whatever you level you choose at the end of each month. That money supports me sharing my writing and art and podcasts and weirdness with you. 

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is Superheroes-7-1.jpg


HELP US AND DO AN AWESOME GOOD DEED

Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness on the DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE podcast as we talk about random thoughts, writing advice and life tips. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of. Please share it and subscribe if you can. Please rate and like us if you are feeling kind, because it matters somehow. There’s a new episode every Tuesday!


BE A PART OF THE PODCAST!

Hey! If you download the Anchor application, you can call into the podcast, record a question, or just say ‘hi,’ and we’ll answer. You can be heard on our podcast! Sa-sweet!

No question is too wild. But just like Shaun does, try not to swear, okay?

Here is the link to the mobile app.

ART.

I do art stuff. You can find it and buy a print here. 

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is IMG_9486.jpeg

TIME STOPPERS!

You can order my middle grade fantasy novel Time Stoppers Escape From the Badlands here or anywhere.

People call it a cross between Harry Potter and Percy Jackson but it’s set in Maine. It’s full of adventure, quirkiness and heart.

Time Stoppers Carrie Jones Middle grade fantasy

FLYING AND ENHANCED

Men in Black meet Buffy the Vampire Slayer? You know it. You can buy them here or anywhere. It’s fun, accessible science fiction. Image

31702754 copy

Boys Who Broke My Heart

I once saw a blog all about BOYS WHO BROKE MY HEART.

I, of course, had to write my own list.  Here’s the thing, I never was actually physically attracted to any of these boys, but I had romantic attachments to some of them. They broke my heart in different ways.

Carl

Carl of the brown cords. He lived next to Debbie Muir. During one of our huge group tag games, he tackled me. I think he attempted to pinch my non-existent fifth-grade butt, which was also encased in cords (blue). He then flashed a slow smile, yelled “Gotcha!” and ran off. I was tagged.

Obviously, this was the ultimate in romance. Not. But I was stupid back then.

The next day at our school’s annual Fun Fair he won me a cake in the cake walk. It was angel food. Yum. 


Then he faded away because his best friend Paul liked me. He just stopped talking to me. Oh, Carl… What cute corded babies we would have had together.

Jed

Jed of the jeans. Blonde hair. Blue eyes. Seventh grade. Never looked at me. Not once. Not even the day when I had the flu and threwup all over my social studies notebook in front of everyone. Oh, Jed…What apathetic children we would have had.

Steve

Steven of the pleated Chinos.. Uck. No, I didn’t love him, but he did say to me at the CCD Dance, “Let’s face it Carrie, neither of us are lookers so we might as well make do with each other.”


Did I have a snappy come-back?

No.

I cried in the bathroom of the Roman Catholic Church and hit the stall with my fist, which I thought was appropriately melodramatic. Have I used this in a story? Yep. Girl, Hero. Oh, Steve…What insecure, neurotic children we would have had.


NOTE TO ALL BOYS: Do not wear pleated chinos!!!

Chris

Chris of the Bruce Springsteen-style jeans. He was our freshman high school quarterback or something. At the time we had the worst football team in all the nation. It was featured on ESPN.

He could not understand anything about me, but he held my hand at the movies and kissed me! I looked past his feathered hair and right at his bottom. It was an aesthetically-pleasing bottom that all my friends approved of.

He called me up on the phone and said, “Listen.”

Then he held the phone to his speaker and played Madonna’s Crazy for You. I hated Madonna! I was a U2, The Waterboys, The Alarm, Marvin Gaye kind-of-girl. I had to listen to the entire song because I didn’t want to be rude.

I should have been rude.

He called me up a week later and had his seven-year-old sister dump me. Sigh. Oh, Chris…what poor musical taste our children would have had, but, oh, their heinies would have been f-f-fine.

Joe

Joe of the nicely tailored pants. Joe was my high school boyfriend for three years and we broke up when I started college. We remained best friends. He was Harvest King. I was Harvest Queen. I loved him horribly true. Then one time I came home from college and he told me he was gay. Sigh. He is one of my favorite people in existence. He is an astonishingly good singer. Oh, Joe… what great pipes are children would have had if you had been the type of guy who wanted to have children with a woman.

Oh, this has become way too long. But what a good way to get character stuff. Excuse me while I go incorporate all this stuff into my WIP and sob over my broken, broken heart.

Stayed tuned for All the Girls Who Broke My Heart. 🙂


WRITING AND OTHER NEWS

IN THE WOODS – READ AN EXCERPT, PREORDER NOW!

My next book, IN THE WOODS, appears in July with Steve Wedel. It’s scary and one of Publisher’s Weekly’s Buzz Books for Summer 2019. There’s an excerpt of it there and everything! But even cooler (for me) they’ve deemed it buzz worthy! Buzz worthy seems like an awesome thing to be deemed!

You can preorder this bad boy, which might make it have a sequel. The sequel would be amazing. Believe me, I know. It features caves and monsters and love. Because doesn’t every story?

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is b5314ed645a47991655395d180f52f5c.jpg

HEAR MY BOOK BABY (AND MORE) ON PATREON

On February first, I launched my Patreon site where I’m reading chapters (in order) of a never-published teen fantasy novel, releasing deleted scenes and art from some of my more popular books. And so much more. Come hang out with me! Get cool things!

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is The-Last-Gods-3.jpg

WHAT IS PATREON? 

A lot of you might be new to Patreon and not get how it works. That’s totally cool. New things can be scary, but there’s a cool primer HERE that explains how it works. The short of it is this: You give Patreon your paypal or credit card # and they charge you whatever you level you choose at the end of each month. That money supports me sharing my writing and art and podcasts and weirdness with you. 

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is Superheroes-7-1.jpg


HELP US AND DO AN AWESOME GOOD DEED

Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness on the DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE podcast as we talk about random thoughts, writing advice and life tips. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of. Please share it and subscribe if you can. Please rate and like us if you are feeling kind, because it matters somehow. There’s a new episode every Tuesday!


BE A PART OF THE PODCAST!

Hey! If you download the Anchor application, you can call into the podcast, record a question, or just say ‘hi,’ and we’ll answer. You can be heard on our podcast! Sa-sweet!

No question is too wild. But just like Shaun does, try not to swear, okay?

Here is the link to the mobile app. Our latest episode is below. It’s also on YouTube here.


Tempeh Fries of Revision Hell

Print Recipe
Tempeh Fries of Revision Hell
This is a recipe adapted from thespruceats.com and epicurious, which are awesome websites.
Tempeh Fries of Revision Hell
Course side dish
Cuisine american
Prep Time 10 minutes
Cook Time 5 minutes
Passive Time 0 minutes
Servings
people
Ingredients
Course side dish
Cuisine american
Prep Time 10 minutes
Cook Time 5 minutes
Passive Time 0 minutes
Servings
people
Ingredients
Tempeh Fries of Revision Hell
Instructions
  1. Realize that you have to cut 11,000 words out of your time travel story.
  2. Die inside.
  3. Realize that even though you've worked on it for three days straight, you've only cut 3,000 words. Decide you need fries but then remember that you don't eat potatoes anymore.
  4. Hate yourself for your decisions.
  5. Decide to make tempeh fries instead. Get out the tempeh and cut in into French-fry shapes. If you squint hard enough, you could maybe fool yourself into thinking they are really French fries.
  6. Wonder if there's a way you can fool your agent into thinking you've cut 11k out of your story.
  7. Put an inch of water in a big skillet and boil it. Realize this is an objective correlative to your anxiety level, boiling past calmness. Simmer the tempeh in there for 10 minutes so something good comes of all this.
  8. In a bowl put the cornmeal and salt together and mix them. Roll the tempeh in there so stuff sticks.
  9. Cry.
  10. Wonder why you are a writer.
  11. Medium-high heat is important so set things to that. Put a skillet on the burner Put the oil in the skillet. Sauté the tempeh. This should be 2 minutes on one side and then the other. Drain it on a paper towel because JUST LIKE TOO MANY WORDS, TOO MUCH GREASE IS A BAD THING, APPARENTLY.
  12. Make the dip by combining the remaining ingredients. Sob into it. Decide to just cut off the first half of the book and call it good..

So, yeah. This happened.

Man Verdict: Why are you crying into your tempeh?

Me: I gave up potatoes.

Man: Why?

My Verdict: Because I obviously hate myself and carbs are bad

Man: This tastes good though.

Dogs: Please make steak.


WRITING AND OTHER NEWS

IN THE WOODS – READ AN EXCERPT, PREORDER NOW!

My next book, IN THE WOODS, appears in July with Steve Wedel. It’s scary and one of Publisher’s Weekly’s Buzz Books for Summer 2019. There’s an excerpt of it there and everything! But even cooler (for me) they’ve deemed it buzz worthy! Buzz worthy seems like an awesome thing to be deemed!

You can preorder this bad boy, which might make it have a sequel. The sequel would be amazing. Believe me, I know. It features caves and monsters and love. Because doesn’t every story?

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is b5314ed645a47991655395d180f52f5c.jpg

HEAR MY BOOK BABY (AND MORE) ON PATREON

On February first, I launched my Patreon site where I’m be reading chapters (in order) of a never-published teen fantasy novel, releasing deleted scenes and art from some of my more popular books. And so much more. Come hang out with me! Get cool things!

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is The-Last-Gods-3.jpg

WHAT IS PATREON? 

A lot of you might be new to Patreon and not get how it works. That’s totally cool. New things can be scary, but there’s a cool primer HERE that explains how it works. The short of it is this: You give Patreon your paypal or credit card # and they charge you whatever you level you choose at the end of each month. That money supports me sharing my writing and art and podcasts and weirdness with you. 

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is Superheroes-7-1.jpg


HELP US AND DO AN AWESOME GOOD DEED

Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness on the DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE podcast as we talk about random thoughts, writing advice and life tips. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of. Please share it and subscribe if you can. Please rate and like us if you are feeling kind, because it matters somehow. There’s a new episode every Tuesday!


BE A PART OF THE PODCAST!

Hey! If you download the Anchor application, you can call into the podcast, record a question, or just say ‘hi,’ and we’ll answer. You can be heard on our podcast! Sa-sweet!

No question is too wild. But just like Shaun does, try not to swear, okay?

Here is the link to the mobile app. Our latest episode is below. It’s also on YouTube here.

Tempeh Fries of Revision Hell


Print Recipe


Tempeh Fries of Revision Hell

This is a recipe adapted from thespruceats.com and epicurious, which are awesome websites.

Tempeh Fries of Revision Hell

Course side dish
Cuisine american

Prep Time 10 minutes
Cook Time 5 minutes
Passive Time 0 minutes

Servings
people


Ingredients

Course side dish
Cuisine american

Prep Time 10 minutes
Cook Time 5 minutes
Passive Time 0 minutes

Servings
people


Ingredients

Tempeh Fries of Revision Hell


Instructions
  1. Realize that you have to cut 11,000 words out of your time travel story.

  2. Die inside.

  3. Realize that even though you've worked on it for three days straight, you've only cut 3,000 words. Decide you need fries but then remember that you don't eat potatoes anymore.

  4. Hate yourself for your decisions.

  5. Decide to make tempeh fries instead. Get out the tempeh and cut in into French-fry shapes. If you squint hard enough, you could maybe fool yourself into thinking they are really French fries.

  6. Wonder if there's a way you can fool your agent into thinking you've cut 11k out of your story.

  7. Put an inch of water in a big skillet and boil it. Realize this is an objective correlative to your anxiety level, boiling past calmness. Simmer the tempeh in there for 10 minutes so something good comes of all this.

  8. In a bowl put the cornmeal and salt together and mix them. Roll the tempeh in there so stuff sticks.

  9. Cry.

  10. Wonder why you are a writer.

  11. Medium-high heat is important so set things to that. Put a skillet on the burner Put the oil in the skillet. Sauté the tempeh. This should be 2 minutes on one side and then the other. Drain it on a paper towel because JUST LIKE TOO MANY WORDS, TOO MUCH GREASE IS A BAD THING, APPARENTLY.

  12. Make the dip by combining the remaining ingredients. Sob into it. Decide to just cut off the first half of the book and call it good..