Tips on Making Deviled Eggs and Not Killing Other Judge-y Humans

  • 1. Here’s a hint: They are called devilled eggs for a reason.
    2. And, no, it is not because of the little hint of jalepeno that gives them a kick.
    3. It’s because you have to HARD BOIL the little suckers first, and there are all these rules about boiling them. 
    Yes, rules about boiling an egg! WHY MUST THERE BE RULES ABOUT EVERYTHING!?!?!
    4. Boiling an egg should be simple.
    5. It isn’t. 
    6. It really isn’t simple if you get distracted by the fact that the 90-second rice pouch you put in the microwave just exploded.
    7. But this is about eggs, not exploding rice pouches.
    8. So, if you manage to boil the egg, you should then plunge the poor thing in cold, cold water.
  • And you must then PEEL THE EGG!
    9. Eggs are not meant to be peeled. This is why they are eggs. Not bananas.
  • 10. If you have happy, young fresh eggs they are harder to peel. The old buggers are better. 
    11. Be prepared to sacrifice many, many eggs in your egg-peeling quest for the perfect egg to devil.
    11. Once, eggs are peeled, halved, and stuffed, do not be offended when people in house say, “Holy crud. It’s like the egg has acne pits or something.”
    12. Do not be offended when people in the house say, “Um? Are you sure this is a devilled egg? Should it be all wobbly like this? And gooey? It’s kind of gooey.”
    13. Do not be offended when people in the house say, “Next time, can we just buy the premade kind in the grocery store? You know, the kind that is full of chemicals?”
    14. And do not have hurt feelings when they do not celebrate with you because you keep saying, “But look at the yolk. It isn’t green. That’s a big achievement, not to have green yolks.”
    15. Do not throw eggs at them.
    16. Breathe deeply and try to be one of those yoga-calm people who smell like lavender and sage incense and just say “Namaste” whenever they are pissed off.
    17. Honestly, just accept that you are not a gifted deviled egg maker. We can not all be gifted in all things eggy. You are a good scrambler. Be happy with this.

WHERE TO FIND OUR PODCAST, DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE

The podcast link if you don’t see it above. Plus, it’s everywhere like Apple Music, iTunesStitcherSpotify, and more. Just google, “DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE” then like and subscribe.

This week’s episode link. 

Last week’s interview with writer Jordan Scavone!

My newest adult novel. 

SO, HERE’S WHAT I’M UP TO. 

THE WRITING COURSE OF AWESOME

It’s our very own writing course! 

Basically, it’s set up a bit like a distance MFA program, only it costs a lot less and also has a big element of writer support built in and personalized feedback from me! This program costs $125 a month and runs for four-month sessions!

To find out more, check out this link. It’s only $125 a month, so it’s a super good deal. Come write with us! 

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When You are Terrified Nobody Will Buy Your Book and All Hope Is Gone Butternut Squash Recipe

So, sometimes you might have a new book coming out and you might freak out that nobody will read it and that is when you make this soup and try to breathe through your nose and cry. Not like I know this personally or anything. Not like I’ve been doing it all week.

Print Recipe
When You are Terrified Nobody Will Buy Your Book and All Hope Is Gone Butternut Squash Recipe
When You are Terrified Nobody Will Buy Your Book and All Hope Is Gone Butternut Squash Recipe
Cuisine american, vegetarian
Keyword soup
Servings
Ingredients
Cuisine american, vegetarian
Keyword soup
Servings
Ingredients
When You are Terrified Nobody Will Buy Your Book and All Hope Is Gone Butternut Squash Recipe
Instructions
  1. Look at that squash. It's so bright. It's like a writer's hope in finding a million readers. Put that hope in a soup pot and water it down with some water or writing statistics. Whatever.
  2. Bring it to a boil. Feel despondent. Will more than five people read your book? If you could resurrect your Mom from the dead, she'd read it. That would be six. Cry then lower heat.
  3. Cover and cook till that hope/squash is so tender and soft, which will be about 25 min or the time it takes to Google 'uplifting writer quotes.'
  4. Stop googling and instead heat oil in frying pan. Sauté the onions like you're a fancy author and not a starving one. Sauté the thyme with it until it's all nice and lightly browned.
  5. Add the onion to the squash.
  6. Puree the mix in a blender until all hope is unrecognizable. There are no chunks left really. It is smooth and deceptive. How could hope once have been in there? Just 30 minutes ago, you were so hopeful.
  7. Try to leave a few chunks. Pray to them. Pray to hope squash. Pray to anything that will get you more readers, honestly. Feel guilty about this and realize that if you are Christian it is probably a sin to pray to your soup.
  8. Find the frying pan again. Put the heat on low and melt the butter.
  9. Add flour.
  10. Stir butter and flower about 1 - 2 minutes. It should be vaguely brown and well mixed.
  11. Add half and half.
  12. Stir so it is all blended well and add to the soup.
  13. Heat the soup back up to a simmer.
  14. Add ginger, soy sauce and black pepper.
  15. Simmer 15 minutes uncovered.
  16. Garnish if you are feeling fancy, but how can you feel fancy when YOU ARE SO WORRIED NOBODY WILL BUY YOUR BOOK?

Man Verdict: This tastes like hope.

Carrie Verdict: Exactly

Dogs’ Verdict: Please spill some on the floor.

Big News!

I’m about to publish a super cool adult novel. Gasp! I know! Adult! That’s so …. grown-up?

Rosie Jones, small town reporter and single mom, is looking forward to her first quiet Maine winter with her young daughter, Lily. After a disastrous first marriage, she’s made a whole new life and new identities for her and her little girl. Rosie is more than ready for a winter of cookies, sledding, stories about planning board meetings, and trying not to fall in like with the local police sergeant, Seamus Kelley.

But after her car is tampered with and crashes into Sgt. Kelley’s cruiser during a blizzard, her quiet new world spirals out of control and back into the danger she thought she’d left behind. One of her new friends is murdered. She herself has been poisoned and she finds a list of anagrams on her dead friend’s floor. 

As the killer strikes again, it’s obvious that the women of Bar Harbor aren’t safe. Despite the blizzard and her struggle to keep her new identity a secret, Rosie sets out to make sure no more women die. With the help of the handsome but injured Sgt. Kelley and the town’s firefighters, it’s up to Rosie to stop the murderer before he strikes again.

You can order it here. Please, please, order it. 

So, um, please go buy it. I am being brave, but that means that despite all my reasons for doing this, I’m still terrified that nobody will buy it and I really, really love this book. A lot.


DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE

This week’s podcast is up and excited to be there! Join 154,000 downloads and see how weird yet helpful we are.

Writers! Eat your Coffee in Brownie Form Recipe!

Vegan friends, this has eggs.

Print Recipe
WRITERS! EAT YOUR COFFEE, BROWNIES!
coffee in brownies
Cuisine american
Prep Time 15 minutes
Cook Time 45 minutes
Passive Time 45 minutes
Servings
Ingredients
Cuisine american
Prep Time 15 minutes
Cook Time 45 minutes
Passive Time 45 minutes
Servings
Ingredients
coffee in brownies
Instructions
  1. Turn the oven on to 350°. Not in a sexy way. Just set it to that temperature. Realize you need coffee.
  2. Dump the kitten out of your big bowl. Replace her with all the ingredients. Combine it. Wish you had coffee.
  3. Think about the writer Honore de Balzac who allegedly drank 50 cups of coffee a day! He would even eat the grounds to get caffeinated more quickly.
  4. Feel badly for him.
  5. Although, to be fair, people ARE still talking about him hundreds of years later.
  6. Coat a 9x9 or 8x8 baking dish with cooking spray.
  7. Pour batter into the dish. Think more about coffee. Go make some. It worked for de Balzac.
  8. Bake 40 to 45 minutes. That brownie center should be slightly firm. No mushy middles for our manuscripts or our brownies, writers!
  9. Think more about coffee. Make another cup. Smell the brownies.
  10. Cool to room temperature. DO NOT SNORT OR INGEST the hot brownies! Do not do a de Balzac! Have patience, writer friend. No burnt mouths and noses here.
Recipe Notes

This recipe is adapted from Billy Parisi's and Billy's is much more easy to follow! He also has beautiful photos on his website so you should check it out! 

 

Man Verdict: Please marry me again.

Dogs Verdict: People can also marry their dogs, you know.

My Verdict: I love all things. I love all things brownie. I will marry you all.


Gabby’s Thought for the Day

Humans,

You were given your dreams.

Make them true. You can do this.

Also, totally feel free to squint at your Thursdays. Thursdays can be like that. But don’t let Thursday stomp down you or your dream.

Gabby Dog

Big News!

I’m about to publish a super cool adult novel. Gasp! I know! Adult! That’s so …. grown-up?

Rosie Jones, small town reporter and single mom, is looking forward to her first quiet Maine winter with her young daughter, Lily. After a disastrous first marriage, she’s made a whole new life and new identities for her and her little girl. Rosie is more than ready for a winter of cookies, sledding, stories about planning board meetings, and trying not to fall in like with the local police sergeant, Seamus Kelley.

But after her car is tampered with and crashes into Sgt. Kelley’s cruiser during a blizzard, her quiet new world spirals out of control and back into the danger she thought she’d left behind. One of her new friends is murdered. She herself has been poisoned and she finds a list of anagrams on her dead friend’s floor. 

As the killer strikes again, it’s obvious that the women of Bar Harbor aren’t safe. Despite the blizzard and her struggle to keep her new identity a secret, Rosie sets out to make sure no more women die. With the help of the handsome but injured Sgt. Kelley and the town’s firefighters, it’s up to Rosie to stop the murderer before he strikes again.

You can preorder it here. Please, please, preorder it. 

DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE PODCAST

This week’s episode is here and it’s all about how to tell a good story (aloud or on paper).  And https://dogsaresmarterthanpeople.castos.com/player/140325" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" width="100%" height="150">last week’s episode is here and it’s all about how to be happy, Big Foot, and statues that pee, so basically Shaun’s head.

WHERE TO FIND US

The podcast link if you don’t see it above. Plus, it’s everywhere like Apple Music, iTunesStitcherSpotify, and more. Just google, “DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE” then like and subscribe.

LEARN WITH ME AT THE WRITING BARN!

The Write. Submit. Support. format is designed to embrace all aspects of the literary life. This six-month course will offer structure and support not only to our writing lives but also to the roller coaster ride of submissions: whether that be submitting to agents or, if agented, weathering the submissions to editors. We will discuss passes that come in, submissions requests, feedback we aren’t sure about, where we are feeling directed to go in our writing lives, and more. Learn more here! 

“Carrie’s feedback is specific, insightful and extremely helpful. She is truly invested in helping each of us move forward to make our manuscripts the best they can be.”

“Carrie just happens to be one of those rare cases of extreme talent and excellent coaching.”


IN THE WOODS – READ AN EXCERPT, ORDER NOW!

My new book, IN THE WOODS, is out!

Gasp!

It’s with Steve Wedel. It’s scary and one of Publisher’s Weekly’s Buzz Books for Summer 2019. There’s an excerpt of it there and everything! But even cooler (for me) they’ve deemed it buzz worthy! Buzz worthy seems like an awesome thing to be deemed!

Order this bad boy, which might make it have a sequel. The sequel would be amazing. Believe me, I know. It features caves and monsters and love. Because doesn’t every story?

In the Woods
In the Woods

ART NEWS

Becoming

Buy limited-edition prints and learn more about my art here on my site. 

Writers! Eat Your Coffee in Brownie Form Recipe!

This recipe is adapted from Billy Parisi’s and Billy’s is much more easy to follow! He also has beautiful photos on his website so you should check it out! 

Print Recipe
WRITERS! EAT YOUR COFFEE, BROWNIES!
coffee in brownies
Cuisine american
Prep Time 15 minutes
Cook Time 45 minutes
Passive Time 45 minutes
Servings
Ingredients
Cuisine american
Prep Time 15 minutes
Cook Time 45 minutes
Passive Time 45 minutes
Servings
Ingredients
coffee in brownies
Instructions
  1. Turn the oven on to 350°. Not in a sexy way. Just set it to that temperature. Realize you need coffee.
  2. Dump the kitten out of your big bowl. Replace her with all the ingredients. Combine it. Wish you had coffee.
  3. Think about the writer Honore de Balzac who allegedly drank 50 cups of coffee a day! He would even eat the grounds to get caffeinated more quickly.
  4. Feel badly for him.
  5. Although, to be fair, people ARE still talking about him hundreds of years later.
  6. Coat a 9x9 or 8x8 baking dish with cooking spray.
  7. Pour batter into the dish. Think more about coffee. Go make some. It worked for de Balzac.
  8. Bake 40 to 45 minutes. That brownie center should be slightly firm. No mushy middles for our manuscripts or our brownies, writers!
  9. Think more about coffee. Make another cup. Smell the brownies.
  10. Cool to room temperature. DO NOT SNORT OR INGEST the hot brownies! Do not do a de Balzac! Have patience, writer friend. No burnt mouths and noses here.
Recipe Notes

This recipe is adapted from Billy Parisi's and Billy's is much more easy to follow! He also has beautiful photos on his website so you should check it out! 

 

Refried Beans Recipe – Yang Gang Style

Recipe Inspiration

So, my quest to make the family eat less meat and be more vegetarian is kicking mostly because meat cost so much! This made me think about presidential candidate Andrew Yang and Universal Base Income and how many cans of beans this writer could afford if I had a guaranteed $1000 a month.

But also the environment and the animals and commercial farming and all the other real reasons for me to move towards this choice.

As always – this is meant to be silly, but the recipe works and is delicious!

Print Recipe
Beans, Refried like Revised but Better
Servings
Ingredients
Servings
Ingredients
Instructions
  1. Mince the cilantro, garlic, parsley. Stay true to your vision. Don't think about the cilantro haters. They won't know it's in there if you don't tell them just like NO READER will ever figure out that the evil mayor in your magical town in your middle grade fantasy is actually the president. Oops. They know now.
  2. Dice the onion and tomato. Don't think about the tomato haters. They are always whining. This is why they have no Twitter followers. Stay true to your vision.
  3. Open the cans of pinto beans. Yep. Open them. Don't just toss them around and juggle them like your subplots. Drain excess liquid and think about how draining is such a mean-sounding verb. "DRAIN THE BEANS!" Wonder if this could be a campaign slogan if you ever transition from writer to politician.
  4. Cough uncomfortably. You'd secretly like that, wouldn't you? All those cool speeches. People would APPLAUD your words or write mean tweets about you, but you would get attention - real attention. Imagine how many Twitter followers you could have. Maybe you should write about this.
  5. Go write. Think about UBI and how many cans of pinto beans you could afford if that happened.
  6. Actually come back and make the food. Put oil in a pot.
  7. Set the temp to medium.
  8. Saute the garlic, onion and tomato in there.
  9. Season with salt, pepper, cumin, and oregano.
  10. Add the parsley and cilantro.
  11. Cook 10 minutes or so until onions are translucent or about 10 minutes.
  12. YOU CAN WRITE YOUR SPEECH IN THIS AMOUNT OF TIME! GO WRITE!
  13. Make sure to get "DRAIN THE BEANS" in there.
  14. Add beans.
  15. Stir.
  16. Add 1/2 cup water.
  17. Lower temperature to a simmer that resembles your new political aspirations.
  18. Realize you have a chance at this if you use the hashtag #yanggang on a all social media.
  19. For 30 minutes write your political thoughts on Twitter using the hashtag. Watch your following grow.
  20. Eat.
Recipe Notes

UBI stands for Universal Base Income. You can find out more about Andrew Yang's proposal here

Man Verdict: Anytime you have beans or rice I love it.

My Verdict: HE DIDN’T NOTICE THE TOMATOES! Also, I could totally afford cilantro if Andrew Yang became president.

Dog Verdict: We should probably not give the man this many beans. Evacuate!

Sparty’s Daily Doggy Wisdom

Look at how beautiful you are.

Yes you.

Nobody else gets to be you, know you the way YOU know you.

So enjoy who you are.

You’re beautiful.

Yes. You.

Just own it.

You’re made of stars and magic and imagination. You deserve snacks.

xo Sparty Dog

Writing News

I’m about to publish a super cool adult novel. Gasp! I know! Adult! That’s so …. grown-up?

The Places We Hide by Carrie Jones
The Places We Hide by Carrie Jones

I have a new book coming out!

Rosie Jones, small town reporter and single mom, is looking forward to her first quiet Maine winter with her young daughter, Lily. After a disastrous first marriage, she’s made a whole new life and new identities for her and her little girl. Rosie is more than ready for a winter of cookies, sledding, stories about planning board meetings, and trying not to fall in like with the local police sergeant, Seamus Kelley.

But after her car is tampered with and crashes into Sgt. Kelley’s cruiser during a blizzard, her quiet new world spirals out of control and back into the danger she thought she’d left behind. One of her new friends is murdered. She herself has been poisoned and she finds a list of anagrams on her dead friend’s floor. 

As the killer strikes again, it’s obvious that the women of Bar Harbor aren’t safe. Despite the blizzard and her struggle to keep her new identity a secret, Rosie sets out to make sure no more women die. With the help of the handsome but injured Sgt. Kelley and the town’s firefighters, it’s up to Rosie to stop the murderer before he strikes again.

You can preorder it here. Please, please, preorder it. 

So, um, please go buy it. I am being brave, but that means that despite all my reasons for doing this, I’m still terrified that nobody will buy it and I really, really love this book. A lot.


This week’s writing podcast.

WHERE TO FIND US

The podcast link if you don’t see it above. Plus, it’s everywhere like Apple Music, iTunesStitcherSpotify, and more. Just google, “DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE” then like and subscribe.

LEARN WITH ME AT THE WRITING BARN!

The Write. Submit. Support. format is designed to embrace all aspects of the literary life. This six-month course will offer structure and support not only to our writing lives but also to the roller coaster ride of submissions: whether that be submitting to agents or, if agented, weathering the submissions to editors. We will discuss passes that come in, submissions requests, feedback we aren’t sure about, where we are feeling directed to go in our writing lives, and more. Learn more here! 

“Carrie’s feedback is specific, insightful and extremely helpful. She is truly invested in helping each of us move forward to make our manuscripts the best they can be.”

“Carrie just happens to be one of those rare cases of extreme talent and excellent coaching.”


IN THE WOODS – READ AN EXCERPT, ORDER NOW!

My new book, IN THE WOODS, is out!

Gasp!

It’s with Steve Wedel. It’s scary and one of Publisher’s Weekly’s Buzz Books for Summer 2019. There’s an excerpt of it there and everything! But even cooler (for me) they’ve deemed it buzz worthy! Buzz worthy seems like an awesome thing to be deemed!

Order this bad boy, which might make it have a sequel. The sequel would be amazing. Believe me, I know. It features caves and monsters and love. Because doesn’t every story?

In the Woods
In the Woods

ART NEWS

Liminal Ascent

Buy limited-edition prints and learn more about my art here on my site. 

Beans, Refried like Revised but Better, YangGang Style


Print Recipe


Beans, Refried like Revised but Better

Servings


Ingredients

Servings


Ingredients


Instructions
  1. Mince the cilantro, garlic, parsley. Stay true to your vision. Don't think about the cilantro haters. They won't know it's in there if you don't tell them just like NO READER will ever figure out that the evil mayor in your magical town in your middle grade fantasy is actually the president. Oops. They know now.

  2. Dice the onion and tomato. Don't think about the tomato haters. They are always whining. This is why they have no Twitter followers. Stay true to your vision.

  3. Open the cans of pinto beans. Yep. Open them. Don't just toss them around and juggle them like your subplots. Drain excess liquid and think about how draining is such a mean-sounding verb. "DRAIN THE BEANS!" Wonder if this could be a campaign slogan if you ever transition from writer to politician.

  4. Cough uncomfortably. You'd secretly like that, wouldn't you? All those cool speeches. People would APPLAUD your words or write mean tweets about you, but you would get attention - real attention. Imagine how many Twitter followers you could have. Maybe you should write about this.

  5. Go write. Think about UBI and how many cans of pinto beans you could afford if that happened.

  6. Actually come back and make the food. Put oil in a pot.

  7. Set the temp to medium.

  8. Saute the garlic, onion and tomato in there.

  9. Season with salt, pepper, cumin, and oregano.

  10. Add the parsley and cilantro.

  11. Cook 10 minutes or so until onions are translucent or about 10 minutes.

  12. YOU CAN WRITE YOUR SPEECH IN THIS AMOUNT OF TIME! GO WRITE!

  13. Make sure to get "DRAIN THE BEANS" in there.

  14. Add beans.

  15. Stir.

  16. Add 1/2 cup water.

  17. Lower temperature to a simmer that resembles your new political aspirations.

  18. Realize you have a chance at this if you use the hashtag #yanggang on a all social media.

  19. For 30 minutes write your political thoughts on Twitter using the hashtag. Watch your following grow.

  20. Eat.


Recipe Notes

UBI stands for Universal Base Income. You can find out more about Andrew Yang's proposal here

Hungover Writer Burrito

Sometimes your writer self (the vegetarian kind) might need a bit of a pick-me-up after a long night of channeling Hemingway or any of the other dead authors of the 1900s or living authors of the 1980s.

Here is our offering, tweaked and twisted from a really good recipe (see the notes) and super yummy.

Print Recipe
Hungover Writer Burritos
Man Verdict: YOU do NOT have to be hungover to eat this. Or a writer. My Verdict: All vegetarian burritos are good burritos. Dog Verdict: They'd only let us eat the plain rice and the tortillas. No fun at all.
Burritos
Cuisine american
Keyword burrito
Servings
Ingredients
Cuisine american
Keyword burrito
Servings
Ingredients
Burritos
Instructions
  1. 1. Toss the rice and cilantro. Do it in a microwave-safe bowl. Don’t just toss it. You aren’t still drunk are you? NYE was two days ago, writer! Get a grip!
  2. 2. Drizzle lime juice on it. Think about how the word drizzle is a cool word.
  3. 3. Drizzle.
  4. 4. Put it in the microwave for 45 seconds or so.
  5. 5. Take it out of the microwave.
  6. 6. Stir it, but not super enthusiastically. More like a last revision pass where you’re just putting in the time and trying to find out how many times you’ve made your characters nod. 87? That’s too many.
  7. 7. Back to cooking. In a big skillet, saute garlic and onion in oil for ttwo minutes. The onion wants to be soft like the protagonist’s skin in a romantic thriller featuring damsels and pirates. The damsel is the protagonist.
  8. 8. Lower the heat (medium-low). Add beans. Put the cumin, hot sauce, and chili powder on there. Roll with salt if you’re into that. Let it cook for five minutes.
  9. 9. Put rice into tortillas. Put bean mixture in tortillas. Realize you did not warm up the tortillas.
  10. 10. Warm up those tortillas in the microwave (under paper towel that’s damp for 15 seconds) if that’s how you roll or in an oiled-pan on the stovetop (low heat) if you’re like that. It really depends on your level of lazy. If you’re still hung-over, I’m guessing that lazy level is high.
  11. 11. Eat.
  12. 12. Watch Hulu or Netflix or something while you eat. Claim it’s book research. Realize that in 2020 writers lie like that to themselves. That’s why they do fiction. Be glad you write fiction
  13. 13. Eat more.
  14. 14. Go get a beer to go with it. Actually get the whole case so you don’t have to get up off the couch too many times.
  15. 15. Realize you’ll have to make this again tomorrow. Decide you’re okay with that.
Recipe Notes

This is adapted from a much better recipe on the amazing website of awesome called Spruce Eats. You can find it here. 

 

Cooking With a Writer – Ghostly Pizza

As you know, I’m trying desperately to make the family vegetarian and I am TOTALLY failing.
But here is my recipe for Halloween pizza. Halloween is a frantic night for us because we get about 800 – 1,000 trick-or-treaters. So, I tend to make things that are fast and easy like calzone snakes or mummy Stromboli, but this… this, my friends, is the ultimate in easy. It’s sort of embarrassingly easy. Stay tuned below for the story of my first-ever ghost sighting.

Ghostly Pizza

So, sometimes I cheat because on Halloween things get hectic here.

  • 1 lb Frozen Pizza Doug (do not judge)
  • 1 tbsp olive oil
  • .75 cup pizza sauce
  • .5 lb mozarella slices
  • some little capers (for the eyes)
  1. Realize that you have no time to make food that isn’t candy.
  2. Preheat oven to 475ºF.

    Spray bottom of a 16-by-11-inch rimmed baking sheet with the stuff that makes things not stick. Or use olive oil, but olive oil is expensive, so maybe don’t. I mean olive oil is awesome, but we’re already using pre-made pizza dough here so pretension is gone, right?

    Spray the darn sheet.

    Celebrate by eating candy.

  3. Stretch that dough evenly to cover bottom of sheet.

    This is a lot like stretching your 20,000-word story into a 50,000-word novel. You might have to take a couple of rounds, and rest in between to get this stretched.

    Do not give up.

    Celebrate by eating candy.

  4. Open the jar of sauce.

    Cry because you have no wrist strength.

    Celebrate when you finally open the jar. Celebrate by eating candy.

    Spread that sauce over the dough. Try to make it even. Leave a border on all sides of the rectangle. Try to make that border a 1-inch border.

    Celebrate with candy.

    Set a timer. Put it in the oven.

  5. Bake about 15 minutes.

    Celebrate that. Celebrate that with candy.

    Now, you get to have fun! Yay, fun! Remember fun?

    Scrounge up a ghost-shaped cookie cutter and cut ghosts out of cheese.

    That is so cool.

    Put the ghosts on the pizza. It is hot. Be careful. Obviously these ghosts have been hanging out in hell. The sauce is like red flames. And the whole scene is hot.

    Celebrate liberating the ghosts from hell with candy.

    Hide the candy wrappers in the garbage during the final five minutes of baking.

  6. Take the pizza out. Look how cool that is!

    Put caper eyes on each ghost.

    Let is stand for five minutes. Eat it. Eat it with a celebratory side dish of candy.

Man Verdict: It needs meat and more cheese.
My Verdict: Seriously? I’m so full from the candy.
Dogs’ Verdict: We agree with the man. If you’re going to dress us up, the least you can do is add more meat.

Writing News

Last Time Stoppers Book

I love this book baby and you can order my middle grade fantasy novel Time Stoppers Escape From the Badlands here or anywhere.

People call it a cross between Harry Potter and Percy Jackson but it’s set in Maine. It’s full of adventure, quirkiness and heart.

Timestoppers3_005

OUR PODCAST – DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE.

Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness as we talk about random thoughts, writing advice and life tips. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of. Please share it and subscribe if you can. Please rate and like us if you are feeling kind, because it matters somehow. There’s a new episode every Tuesday!

dogs are smarter than people carrie after dark being relentless to get publishedWriting Coach

I offer solo writing coach services. For more about my individual coaching, click here.

COOL CONTEST OF SPOOKY AWESOMENESS!

Um. MacMillan is having a super cool sweepstakes where you can win the book I wrote with Steve (IN THE WOODS) and four other scary books.
Go enter! Go win! I’m rooting for you! 

IN THE PAPER, BABY

I was just in the newspaper and I think the photo of my head is actually larger than my real-life head. Go figure. It was super kind of them to notice me and to write about me. Here is the link.

LEARN WITH ME AT THE WRITING BARN!

The Write. Submit. Support. format is designed to embrace all aspects of the literary life. This six-month course will offer structure and support not only to our writing lives but also to the roller coaster ride of submissions: whether that be submitting to agents or, if agented, weathering the submissions to editors. We will discuss passes that come in, submissions requests, feedback we aren’t sure about, where we are feeling directed to go in our writing lives, and more. Learn more here! 

“Carrie’s feedback is specific, insightful and extremely helpful. She is truly invested in helping each of us move forward to make our manuscripts the best they can be.”

“Carrie just happens to be one of those rare cases of extreme talent and excellent coaching.”

IN THE WOODS – READ AN EXCERPT, ORDER NOW!

My new book, IN THE WOODS, is out!

Gasp!

It’s with Steve Wedel. It’s scary and one of Publisher’s Weekly’s Buzz Books for Summer 2019. There’s an excerpt of it there and everything! But even cooler (for me) they’ve deemed it buzz worthy! Buzz worthy seems like an awesome thing to be deemed!

Order this bad boy, which might make it have a sequel. The sequel would be amazing. Believe me, I know. It features caves and monsters and love. Because doesn’t every story?

In the Woods
In the Woods

Cooking With A Writer – Butter My Biscuits Recipe

Okay. Cough. We had a bit of hiatus here on Cooking With a Writer mostly because I lived in a camper all summer while we rented out our house to make cash.

Not a good excuse, I know!

This wonderful recipe was adapted from Serious Eats and Stella Parks. She is a genius and has a much easier to follow version and all sorts of good stuff. You should check them out and also eat biscuits

Print Recipe
Biscuits Without Buttermilk, Baby
Butter my biscuits recipe
Cuisine southern, vegetarian
Servings
Ingredients
Cuisine southern, vegetarian
Servings
Ingredients
Butter my biscuits recipe
Instructions
  1. Okay, writers. Are you ready? You can do this.
  2. Find your oven. Put the rack to the second lowest place it can be in the oven. Close the door. Turn the oven onto 400-degrees Fahrenheit. Think about the word Fahrenheit. Darn that is such a fun word.
  3. Say it a few times for fun, "Fahrenheit. Fahrenheit. Fahrenheit." Start singing it.
  4. Continue singing as you sift flour into a bowl. While you add sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt, turn that chant into a song. Give it a Billie Eilish vibe as you whisk for about 1 minute.
  5. Realize you should not write Russian-sized novels and should be a songwriter instead. That would be cool, right?
  6. Imagine accepting your Grammy for songwriting as you add the butter.
  7. Smash the butter cubes. Make them flat. Do not make your song flat, that would be depressing.
  8. Rub and smash and mix that butter until it has almost completely disappeared - like your dreams of a Pulitzer. It's okay. You have Grammy dreams now.
  9. Get the yogurt out of the fridge and add it. Let the flour take it into its mix. Does it look dry? DO NOT STRESS. Mix it until it all comes together like a really tight band singing your Fahrenheit song.
  10. Is it kind of a ball now? Good. Put it on a surface that you've sprinkled some flour on.
  11. Sing.
  12. Make that dough kind of square. Make it 1/2 inch thick. Sing more. Fold the square in half. Fold it two more times. Pat it like you're patting the bunny and that bunny is now only ¾ inch thick. Cut those babies into 1 3/4-inch circles.
  13. THINK OF A BISCUIT SONG! That could be your second hit. Decide to call it, "Butter my Biscuit as you put the dough circles in a 10-inch cast iron skillet.
  14. Put it in the oven for 20 minutes. Rest for 5 minutes. During that time go buy songwriting software even though you were too cheap to buy buttermilk, you writing dork, you. Enjoy the carbs!
Recipe Notes

This wonderful recipe was adapted from Serious Eats and Stella Parks, who is a genius and has a much easier to follow version and all sorts of good stuff. You should check them out and also eat biscuits

Shaun Verdict:

This is not a main meal, but it’s delicious.

Dogs’ Verdict:

YUM! MORE!

Carrie Verdict:

I love carbs.

WRITING NEWS

THE NETHERLANDS IS AWESOME

Steve Wedel and I wrote a super creepy book a few years back called After Obsession and it’s making a big freaking splash in the amazing Netherlands thanks to Dutch Venture Publishing and its leader Jen Minkman. 

Check out this spread in a Dutch magazine. I met a whole bunch of Dutch readers last Friday and let me tell you? They are the best. 

LEARN WITH ME AT THE WRITING BARN! 

The Write. Submit. Support. format is designed to embrace all aspects of the literary life. This six-month course will offer structure and support not only to our writing lives but also to the roller coaster ride of submissions: whether that be submitting to agents or, if agented, weathering the submissions to editors. We will discuss passes that come in, submissions requests, feedback we aren’t sure about, where we are feeling directed to go in our writing lives, and more. Learn more here! 

“Carrie’s feedback is specific, insightful and extremely helpful. She is truly invested in helping each of us move forward to make our manuscripts the best they can be.”

“Carrie just happens to be one of those rare cases of extreme talent and excellent coaching.”

IN THE WOODS – READ AN EXCERPT, ORDER NOW!

My new book, IN THE WOODS, is out!

Gasp! 

It’s with Steve Wedel. It’s scary and one of Publisher’s Weekly’s Buzz Books for Summer 2019. There’s an excerpt of it there and everything! But even cooler (for me) they’ve deemed it buzz worthy! Buzz worthy seems like an awesome thing to be deemed! 

You can order this bad boy, which might make it have a sequel. The sequel would be amazing. Believe me, I know. It features caves and monsters and love. Because doesn’t every story?

In the Woods
In the Woods


ART NEWS

You can buy limited-edition prints and learn more about my art here on my site. 

PATREON OF AWESOME

You can get exclusive content, early podcasts, videos, art and listen (or read) never-to-be-officially published writings of Carrie on her Patreon. Levels go from $1 to $100 (That one includes writing coaching and editing for you wealthy peeps). 

Check it out here. 

WHAT IS PATREON? 

A lot of you might be new to Patreon and not get how it works. That’s totally cool. New things can be scary, but there’s a cool primer HERE that explains how it works. The short of it is this: You give Patreon your paypal or credit card # and they charge you whatever you level you choose at the end of each month. That money supports me sharing my writing and art and podcasts and weirdness with you. 

THIS WEEK’s podcast

Butter My Biscuit Recipe

Sometimes, you just have to make biscuits. Sometimes, you don’t want to buy a whole big thing of buttermilk to make biscuits. This, my friend, is why God created plain yogurt.

Print Recipe
Biscuits Without Buttermilk, Baby
Butter my biscuits recipe
Cuisine southern, vegetarian
Servings
Ingredients
Cuisine southern, vegetarian
Servings
Ingredients
Butter my biscuits recipe
Instructions
  1. Okay, writers. Are you ready? You can do this.
  2. Find your oven. Put the rack to the second lowest place it can be in the oven. Close the door. Turn the oven onto 400-degrees Fahrenheit. Think about the word Fahrenheit. Darn that is such a fun word.
  3. Say it a few times for fun, "Fahrenheit. Fahrenheit. Fahrenheit." Start singing it.
  4. Continue singing as you sift flour into a bowl. While you add sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt, turn that chant into a song. Give it a Billie Eilish vibe as you whisk for about 1 minute.
  5. Realize you should not write Russian-sized novels and should be a songwriter instead. That would be cool, right?
  6. Imagine accepting your Grammy for songwriting as you add the butter.
  7. Smash the butter cubes. Make them flat. Do not make your song flat, that would be depressing.
  8. Rub and smash and mix that butter until it has almost completely disappeared - like your dreams of a Pulitzer. It's okay. You have Grammy dreams now.
  9. Get the yogurt out of the fridge and add it. Let the flour take it into its mix. Does it look dry? DO NOT STRESS. Mix it until it all comes together like a really tight band singing your Fahrenheit song.
  10. Is it kind of a ball now? Good. Put it on a surface that you've sprinkled some flour on.
  11. Sing.
  12. Make that dough kind of square. Make it 1/2 inch thick. Sing more. Fold the square in half. Fold it two more times. Pat it like you're patting the bunny and that bunny is now only ¾ inch thick. Cut those babies into 1 3/4-inch circles.
  13. THINK OF A BISCUIT SONG! That could be your second hit. Decide to call it, "Butter my Biscuit as you put the dough circles in a 10-inch cast iron skillet.
  14. Put it in the oven for 20 minutes. Rest for 5 minutes. During that time go buy songwriting software even though you were too cheap to buy buttermilk, you writing dork, you. Enjoy the carbs!
Recipe Notes

This wonderful recipe was adapted from Serious Eats and Stella Parks, who is a genius and has a much easier to follow version and all sorts of good stuff. You should check them out and also eat biscuits