Authors Are LIARS – Let’s Pretend It Ain’t Winter Smoothie Recipe

Print Recipe
Let's Pretend It Ain't Winter Smoothie Recipe
This recipe is adapted from life and also an All Recipes by Licia McClung O'Neill! Many thanks to Licia!
Let's Pretend It Ain't Winter Smoothie Recipe
Course drinks, side dish
Prep Time 10 minutes
Cook Time 0 minutes
Passive Time 0 minutes
Servings
people
Ingredients
Course drinks, side dish
Prep Time 10 minutes
Cook Time 0 minutes
Passive Time 0 minutes
Servings
people
Ingredients
Let's Pretend It Ain't Winter Smoothie Recipe
Instructions
  1. Dear God, how is it still winter?
  2. Winter will never end
  3. Winter is not coming, Game of Thrones people. Winter is freaking here.
  4. Okay. Try to breathe. The days will eventually get longer. The sun will eventually shine. You can fight this! YOU CAN SURVIVE THIS NEVER-ENDING WHITENESS AND COLD.
  5. Find your blender. Wipe the ice off it. Remember all the happy times you and your blender had in the summer? You can do that again.
  6. Pour juice into blender.
  7. Remember being warm. Remember not having to constantly wear layers. Remember when your fingers weren't too frozen to text or type.
  8. Add fruit to blender.
  9. Though your brain is frozen, remember to put the cover on the blender and turn it on. Blend. Make it smooth. This takes 1 minute.
  10. Try not to drink summer right out of the blender, but put it in glasses (two). Drink. Remember what it was to be warm.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am not the best person to live in a climate that has winter.

I develop anxiety every night – just this slow-roll that starts at 8 p.m. and ends when I finally fall asleep. It’s like a constant hum of, “YOU WILL DIE SOON. HUMANS ARE MORTAL. THE NIGHT IS DARK AND SO IS YOUR FUTURE. MUAH-HA-HA-HA.”

Then I wake up. I’m fine. I look at the world of white and it starts again. If a psychiatrist ever looked at the use of ‘snow’ and ‘cold’ as imagery in my books they’d be like, “Yo, this writer has a vendetta against cold.”

And the above recipe? It was my attempt to trick my brain into summer-time thoughts. Did it work?

Man Verdict: This would be amazing with alcohol.

Dogs’ Verdict: This would be amazing with dog treats dipped inside. Where is the box of dog treats?

My Verdict: There is still snow outside, but inside of me is tropical.



WRITING AND OTHER NEWS

IN THE WOODS – READ AN EXCERPT, PREORDER NOW!

My next book, IN THE WOODS, appears in July with Steve Wedel. It’s scary and one of Publisher’s Weekly’s Buzz Books for Summer 2019. There’s an excerpt of it there and everything! But even cooler (for me) they’ve deemed it buzz worthy! Buzz worthy seems like an awesome thing to be deemed!

You can preorder this bad boy, which might make it have a sequel. The sequel would be amazing. Believe me, I know. It features caves and monsters and love. Because doesn’t every story?

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is b5314ed645a47991655395d180f52f5c.jpg

HEAR MY BOOK BABY (AND MORE) ON PATREON

On February first, I’m going to launch my Patreon site where I’ll be reading chapters (in order) of a never-published teen fantasy novel, releasing deleted scenes and art from some of my more popular books. And so much more.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is The-Last-Gods-3.jpg

WHAT IS PATREON? 

A lot of you might be new to Patreon and not get how it works. That’s totally cool. New things can be scary, but there’s a cool primer HERE that explains how it works. The short of it is this: You give Patreon your paypal or credit card # and they charge you whatever you level you choose at the end of each month. That money supports me sharing my writing and art and podcasts and weirdness with you. 

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is Superheroes-7-1.jpg


HELP US AND DO AN AWESOME GOOD DEED

Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness on the DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE podcast as we talk about random thoughts, writing advice and life tips. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of. Please share it and subscribe if you can. Please rate and like us if you are feeling kind, because it matters somehow. There’s a new episode every Tuesday!


BE A PART OF THE PODCAST!

Hey! If you download the Anchor application, you can call into the podcast, record a question, or just say ‘hi,’ and we’ll answer. You can be heard on our podcast! Sa-sweet!

No question is too wild. But just like Shaun does, try not to swear, okay?

Here is the link to the mobile app.

ART.

I do art stuff. You can find it and buy a print here. 

Bar Harbor Art Carrie Jones Welcome to Magic
Bar Harbor Art Carrie Jones Welcome to Magic

TIME STOPPERS!

You can order my middle grade fantasy novel Time Stoppers Escape From the Badlands here or anywhere.

People call it a cross between Harry Potter and Percy Jackson but it’s set in Maine. It’s full of adventure, quirkiness and heart.

Time Stoppers Carrie Jones Middle grade fantasy

FLYING AND ENHANCED

Men in Black meet Buffy the Vampire Slayer? You know it. You can buy them here or anywhere. It’s fun, accessible science fiction. ImageImage

31702754 copy
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Let’s Pretend It Ain’t Winter Smoothie Recipe


Print Recipe


Let's Pretend It Ain't Winter Smoothie Recipe

This recipe is adapted from life and also an All Recipes by Licia McClung O'Neill! Many thanks to Licia!

Let's Pretend It Ain't Winter Smoothie Recipe

Course drinks, side dish

Prep Time 10 minutes
Cook Time 0 minutes
Passive Time 0 minutes

Servings
people


Ingredients

Course drinks, side dish

Prep Time 10 minutes
Cook Time 0 minutes
Passive Time 0 minutes

Servings
people


Ingredients

Let's Pretend It Ain't Winter Smoothie Recipe


Instructions
  1. Dear God, how is it still winter?

  2. Winter will never end

  3. Winter is not coming, Game of Thrones people. Winter is freaking here.

  4. Okay. Try to breathe. The days will eventually get longer. The sun will eventually shine. You can fight this! YOU CAN SURVIVE THIS NEVER-ENDING WHITENESS AND COLD.

  5. Find your blender. Wipe the ice off it. Remember all the happy times you and your blender had in the summer? You can do that again.

  6. Pour juice into blender.

  7. Remember being warm.

    Remember not having to constantly wear layers.

    Remember when your fingers weren't too frozen to text or type.

  8. Add fruit to blender.

  9. Though your brain is frozen, remember to put the cover on the blender and turn it on. Blend. Make it smooth. This takes 1 minute.

  10. Try not to drink summer right out of the blender, but put it in glasses (two). Drink. Remember what it was to be warm.

Basil-Tomato Creamy Pasta for Valentines Day

Print Recipe
Basil Tomato Creamy Pasta for Valentines Day
This recipe was recommended by Alyson and is adapted from Lee Hirsh of Fit Foodie Finds
Quirky and funny vegetarian recipes redone with author Carrie Jones featuring Basil Tomato Creamy Pasta for Valentines Day
Cuisine american, Italian
Keyword pasta
Prep Time 15 minutes
Cook Time 30 minutes
Passive Time overnight soaking
Servings
people
Ingredients
Cuisine american, Italian
Keyword pasta
Prep Time 15 minutes
Cook Time 30 minutes
Passive Time overnight soaking
Servings
people
Ingredients
Quirky and funny vegetarian recipes redone with author Carrie Jones featuring Basil Tomato Creamy Pasta for Valentines Day
Instructions
  1. First, prepare for your meal of love and put your beautiful, expensive cashews in a big bowl and leave them there overnight while you dream of their beautiful, exquisite form. Maybe write a sonnet about them.
  2. It is the next day! Writer, you are in love with your story and therefore you are in love with life so go put that stove on 400.
  3. Line a pan with tinfoil or aluminum foil. Wait. What is it? When did this word change? Resist the urge to look it up and just use the shiny stuff.
  4. Look at all your adorable ingredients. They are the character in the story called DINNER. Love them up. Maybe kiss them quickly. Make sure nobody is watching
  5. Put all the tomatoes, onions, garlic, olive oil, salt, and pepper on top of the lined baking sheet. ADORE THEM!
  6. Find the olive oil and drizzle its juice all over the vegetables on the sheet. Do not breathe heavily. This is not porn. This is dinner.
  7. Feel guilty that your brain even went there.
  8. Put it in the oven and shut it. Are you feeling ashamed? It's okay. It's all behind the oven door now. Keep it all back there, hidden, for 20 minutes.
  9. Take the pan out. Skin the tomatoes. Dear God! What have you become? It started out so lovingly and now you are skinning tomatoes! YOU ARE A WRITER NOT A DEMON! YOU ARE NO HANNIBEL! Take no pleasure in this step. Also be careful not to burn your fingers.
  10. Cook pasta according to its directions.
  11. Hide it all in the oven again for ten minutes and breathe deeply. Practice your mantras. Repeat after me, "I cook with love. I cook with love. I cook with love."
  12. You know those cashews you've been drowning all night? Put them in a blender. Add the vegetables and their juices. Blend. Blend it until smooth until there's no damn evidence that these things were once separate entities. Add salt.
  13. Mix it up with the pasta. Eat it. Check for cameras.

As many of you know, I’m trying to get the man who lives in this house to eat less meat.

Important note: He hates tomatoes, but you can disguise them and he’s cool with it.

This works as a disguise.

HAPPY LOVE DAY! Maybe all your loves be good ones.

Man Verdict:

I LOVE THIS AND I LOVE YOU! BECAUSE IT IS Valentine’s Day AND I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE.

My Verdict:

I LOVE THIS AND I LOVE EVERYTHING.

DOGS VERDICT:

PLEASE DROP THINGS ON THE FLOOR!

Gabby the Dog Cooking with a Writer Recipes - Peanut Butter is Awesome
Food is Awesome!



WRITING AND OTHER NEWS

IN THE WOODS – READ AN EXCERPT, PREORDER NOW!

My next book, IN THE WOODS, appears in July with Steve Wedel. It’s scary and one of Publisher’s Weekly’s Buzz Books for Summer 2019. There’s an excerpt of it there and everything! But even cooler (for me) they’ve deemed it buzz worthy! Buzz worthy seems like an awesome thing to be deemed!

You can preorder this bad boy, which might make it have a sequel. The sequel would be amazing. Believe me, I know. It features caves and monsters and love. Because doesn’t every story?

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is b5314ed645a47991655395d180f52f5c.jpg

HEAR MY BOOK BABY (AND MORE) ON PATREON

On February first, I’m going to launch my Patreon site where I’ll be reading chapters (in order) of a never-published teen fantasy novel, releasing deleted scenes and art from some of my more popular books. And so much more.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is The-Last-Gods-3.jpg

WHAT IS PATREON? 

A lot of you might be new to Patreon and not get how it works. That’s totally cool. New things can be scary, but there’s a cool primer HERE that explains how it works. The short of it is this: You give Patreon your paypal or credit card # and they charge you whatever you level you choose at the end of each month. That money supports me sharing my writing and art and podcasts and weirdness with you. 

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is Superheroes-7-1.jpg


HELP US AND DO AN AWESOME GOOD DEED

Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness on the DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE podcast as we talk about random thoughts, writing advice and life tips. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of. Please share it and subscribe if you can. Please rate and like us if you are feeling kind, because it matters somehow. There’s a new episode every Tuesday!


BE A PART OF THE PODCAST!

Hey! If you download the Anchor application, you can call into the podcast, record a question, or just say ‘hi,’ and we’ll answer. You can be heard on our podcast! Sa-sweet!

No question is too wild. But just like Shaun does, try not to swear, okay?

Here is the link to the mobile app.

ART.

I do art stuff. You can find it and buy a print here. 

Bar Harbor Art Carrie Jones Welcome to Magic
Bar Harbor Art Carrie Jones Welcome to Magic

TIME STOPPERS!

You can order my middle grade fantasy novel Time Stoppers Escape From the Badlands here or anywhere.

People call it a cross between Harry Potter and Percy Jackson but it’s set in Maine. It’s full of adventure, quirkiness and heart.

Time Stoppers Carrie Jones Middle grade fantasy

FLYING AND ENHANCED

Men in Black meet Buffy the Vampire Slayer? You know it. You can buy them here or anywhere. It’s fun, accessible science fiction.

31702754 copy

Mushroom Pasta of Love

Print Recipe
Mushroom Pasta of Love
This is adapted from a recipe by Chef John on Allrecipes, which is a recipe website with SO MANY recipes.
Prep Time 15 minutes
Cook Time 30 minutes
Passive Time 0 minutes
Servings
people
Ingredients
Prep Time 15 minutes
Cook Time 30 minutes
Passive Time 0 minutes
Servings
people
Ingredients
Instructions
  1. Sometimes you need love. So you heat oil in a large skillet via the heat rank of medium, right?
  2. Watch that oil slowly bubble up the way love does.
  3. When the oil is warm put those mushrooms in there and stir it up. Sure, the mushroom shrink eventually, but look at how they all seem to love each other. A writer's life should be like that, right? Building each other up instead of tearing down. Add a little salt because we are salty people.
  4. Brown those mushrooms, which will take about 10 minutes.
  5. Put some garlic in with the mushrooms and the tiny bit of salty writer personality.
  6. Garlic is the smell of warm nights and memoirs by ladies in their 40s. Look beyond this.
  7. Cook the garlic for 1 minute. Add the sherry and/or red wine. This is the smell of ladies reading other ladies' memoirs and feeling envious. Watch that wine evaporate.
  8. Try to not let your love hopes evaporate. You're a writer and you need love. You also need health care. Sometimes these magical things come together in the form of a spouse with a job that has benefits.
  9. Add chicken stock. Add pepper and salt to taste. Get it warm enough to simmer and then cool things back down like you're in a romantic comedy and you have commitment issues.
  10. Cook about five minutes. It will be a thicker substance, sort of like a writer in a relationship after five years of steady meals and healthcare.
  11. Add cream. Stir. Simmer it for another five. It should get thicker because you're at the 10 minute/year relationship mark and this is to be expected.
  12. Hey! Did you forget about the pasta? MAKE THE PASTA! I know! I know, we were all focused on the sexy, love part of the relationship - the tasty part, but we need structure and a good foundation, too.
  13. Cook the pasta and when it's done, drain it. Don't rinse it. Put it in a bowl.
  14. Go back to your creamy, sexy mushroom mixture and all of those chopped things (tarragon, chives, thyme) and turn off the heat. That's a hard phrase to write when you're talking about love, but trust me and do it.
  15. Stir in the cheese - ½ cup of it Let it melt.
  16. Mix all this up with the pasta. Then use the rest of the cheese and sprinkle it on top to make the Love Pasta look pretty like an Instagram photo.

Sometimes when it’s winter, you just need a little love. For me, mushrooms are all about love. They are my favorite food.

My mom said she developed a mushroom allergy when I was growing up and she’d cough whenever she smelled or spotted a mushroom, which isn’t exactly how mushroom allergies worked. But she had an aversion to them at least.

How do I know it wasn’t an allergy?

Because I saw her accidentally eat mushrooms that were mixed into things SO MANY TIMES and nothing happened. This isn’t to say food allergies aren’t horrifying and legit things, it’s just to say that my mom (in her super intriguing ways) wasn’t actually allergic to mushrooms.

So much like birds, feathers, deep water, all things bird, spiders and eventually cats, mushrooms were not allowed in our lives until I moved out and I fully embraced the joy of all things mushroom.

Man Verdict: This is amazing and I am so sorry I accidentally flipped the pot over in the dishwasher and all the left overs were in it. I have never felt so ashamed.

My Verdict: I still love you.

Dogs’ Verdict: We really appreciate you spilling that pasta all over the floor and letting us clean it up. BEST RECIPE EVER!


WRITING AND OTHER NEWS

IN THE WOODS – READ AN EXCERPT, PREORDER NOW!

My next book, IN THE WOODS, appears in July with Steve Wedel. It’s scary and one of Publisher’s Weekly’s Buzz Books for Summer 2019. There’s an excerpt of it there and everything! But even cooler (for me) they’ve deemed it buzz worthy! Buzz worthy seems like an awesome thing to be deemed!

You can preorder this bad boy, which might make it have a sequel. The sequel would be amazing. Believe me, I know. It features caves and monsters and love. Because doesn’t every story?

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is b5314ed645a47991655395d180f52f5c.jpg

HEAR MY BOOK BABY (AND MORE) ON PATREON

On February first, I’m going to launch my Patreon site where I’ll be reading chapters (in order) of a never-published teen fantasy novel, releasing deleted scenes and art from some of my more popular books. And so much more.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is The-Last-Gods-3.jpg

WHAT IS PATREON? 

A lot of you might be new to Patreon and not get how it works. That’s totally cool. New things can be scary, but there’s a cool primer HERE that explains how it works. The short of it is this: You give Patreon your paypal or credit card # and they charge you whatever you level you choose at the end of each month. That money supports me sharing my writing and art and podcasts and weirdness with you. 

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is Superheroes-7-1.jpg


HELP US AND DO AN AWESOME GOOD DEED

Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness on the DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE podcast as we talk about random thoughts, writing advice and life tips. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of. Please share it and subscribe if you can. Please rate and like us if you are feeling kind, because it matters somehow. There’s a new episode every Tuesday!


BE A PART OF THE PODCAST!

Hey! If you download the Anchor application, you can call into the podcast, record a question, or just say ‘hi,’ and we’ll answer. You can be heard on our podcast! Sa-sweet!

No question is too wild. But just like Shaun does, try not to swear, okay?

Here is the link to the mobile app and our bonus podcast below.

ART.

I do art stuff. You can find it and buy a print here. 

Bar Harbor Art Carrie Jones Welcome to Magic
Bar Harbor Art Carrie Jones Welcome to Magic

TIME STOPPERS!

You can order my middle grade fantasy novel Time Stoppers Escape From the Badlands here or anywhere.

People call it a cross between Harry Potter and Percy Jackson but it’s set in Maine. It’s full of adventure, quirkiness and heart.

Time Stoppers Carrie Jones Middle grade fantasy

MOE BERG 

The Spy Who Played Baseball is a picture book biography about Moe Berg. And… there’s a movie out now about Moe Berg, a major league baseball player who became a spy. How cool is that?

It’s awesome and quirky and fun.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is My-Post-copy-6.jpg

FLYING AND ENHANCED

Men in Black meet Buffy the Vampire Slayer? You know it. You can buy them here or anywhere. It’s fun, accessible science fiction. Who knew there was such a thing?

31702754 copy

Easy Cheese Pasta that Isn’t Mac and Cheese – Oh, Did He Just Say He was Salty?

Print Recipe
Easy Cheesey Pasta Comeback King
This is adapted from Ashley Rodriguez of Not Without Salt fame.
Vegetarian pasta meal
Course Main Dish
Cuisine american, Italian
Keyword pasta
Prep Time 0
Cook Time 20 minutes
Passive Time 0
Servings
Shauns
Ingredients
Course Main Dish
Cuisine american, Italian
Keyword pasta
Prep Time 0
Cook Time 20 minutes
Passive Time 0
Servings
Shauns
Ingredients
Vegetarian pasta meal
Instructions
  1. Boil your pasta in some salted water according to the package's directions.
  2. Make sure that water in the stockpot is super salty. So salty. It is the comeback queen of pasta water.
  3. Feel frustrated that your arch nemesis on Twitter said his superpower is salty comebacks. There is much to unpack there. Unpack it while the pasta cooks.
  4. Seriously. Salty comebacks? His comebacks suck.
  5. Move on and be a better person.
  6. Fail. And check Twitter. Do not subtweet. Do not subtweet. Do not subtweet.
  7. Subtweet.
  8. PUT DOWN YOUR PHONE! Using a large pan on medium-low heat, melt butter and mix it with 1 teaspoon pepper. Infuse that pepper for 1 minute.
  9. Turn off the heat below the peppered butter. DO NOT CHECK YOUR TWITTER NOTIFICATIONS.
  10. Take ½ cup of pasta water and add it to the butter mixture and let it hang out there for 2 minutes.
  11. Check your Twitter. Has he responded? Oh.... He has. He subtweeted your subtweet! But it is not salty it's just blah and full of hashtags.
  12. Triumph in your proof that salty comebacks are not his superpower.
  13. Wonder if you have a super power other than obsessing about Twitter. Decide not to care because soon the pasta will make you forget all other things.
  14. Drain pasta. Add pasta to the pepper-butter-water. Have 3/4 cup Pecorino cheese join them there. They are happy Twitter followers all hanging together without subtweeting. Envy them.
  15. Toss until the cheese melts and everything is creamy and coated. Eat with a salad. Rejoice that you have better food than He Who Is Not Salty.

The quest to make the Man eat more vegetarian meals continues with this simple bad boy.

Why is this bad boy so simple yet delicious?

  1. The ingredients rock
  2. I am too busy obsessing over Twitter to cook something more complicated right now. #theend
  3. Pasta is comforting as heck.

Man Verdict: Isn’t pasta supposed to be orange when it has cheese in it?

Dogs Verdict: All pasta is amazing.

My Verdict: Why does Twitter exist? Why do people subtweet? Give me more pasta. Gobble. Gobble. Drown my feelings in carbs. Watch me. Yep, I am drowning my feelings in carbs.


WRITING AND OTHER NEWS

IN THE WOODS – READ AN EXCERPT, PREORDER NOW!

My next book, IN THE WOODS, appears in July with Steve Wedel. It’s scary and one of Publisher’s Weekly’s Buzz Books for Summer 2019. There’s an excerpt of it there and everything! But even cooler (for me) they’ve deemed it buzz worthy! Buzz worthy seems like an awesome thing to be deemed!

You can preorder this bad boy, which might make it have a sequel. The sequel would be amazing. Believe me, I know. It features caves and monsters and love. Because doesn’t every story?

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is b5314ed645a47991655395d180f52f5c.jpg

HEAR MY BOOK BABY (AND MORE) ON PATREON

On February first, I’m going to launch my Patreon site where I’ll be reading chapters (in order) of a never-published teen fantasy novel, releasing deleted scenes and art from some of my more popular books. And so much more.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is The-Last-Gods-3.jpg

WHAT IS PATREON? 

A lot of you might be new to Patreon and not get how it works. That’s totally cool. New things can be scary, but there’s a cool primer HERE that explains how it works. The short of it is this: You give Patreon your paypal or credit card # and they charge you whatever you level you choose at the end of each month. That money supports me sharing my writing and art and podcasts and weirdness with you. 

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is Superheroes-7-1.jpg


HELP US AND DO AN AWESOME GOOD DEED

Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness on the DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE podcast as we talk about random thoughts, writing advice and life tips. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of. Please share it and subscribe if you can. Please rate and like us if you are feeling kind, because it matters somehow. There’s a new episode every Tuesday!


BE A PART OF THE PODCAST!

Hey! If you download the Anchor application, you can call into the podcast, record a question, or just say ‘hi,’ and we’ll answer. You can be heard on our podcast! Sa-sweet!

No question is too wild. But just like Shaun does, try not to swear, okay?

Here is the link to the mobile app and our bonus podcast below.

ART.

I do art stuff. You can find it and buy a print here. 

Bar Harbor Painting Schooner
Bar Harbor Painting Schooner

TIME STOPPERS!

You can order my middle grade fantasy novel Time Stoppers Escape From the Badlands here or anywhere.

People call it a cross between Harry Potter and Percy Jackson but it’s set in Maine. It’s full of adventure, quirkiness and heart.

Time Stoppers Carrie Jones Middle grade fantasy

MOE BERG 

The Spy Who Played Baseball is a picture book biography about Moe Berg. And… there’s a movie out now about Moe Berg, a major league baseball player who became a spy. How cool is that?

It’s awesome and quirky and fun.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is My-Post-copy-6.jpg

FLYING AND ENHANCED

Men in Black meet Buffy the Vampire Slayer? You know it. You can buy them here or anywhere. It’s fun, accessible science fiction. Who knew there was such a thing?

31702754 copy

Party in Your Mouth, Broccoli Meet Cheddar Soup

Print Recipe
Cheddar Meet Broccoli Soup
Yum
Broccoli Meet Cheddar Soup
Course soup
Cuisine american
Prep Time 15 minutes
Cook Time 40 minutes
Passive Time what? is passive?
Servings
people
Ingredients
Course soup
Cuisine american
Prep Time 15 minutes
Cook Time 40 minutes
Passive Time what? is passive?
Servings
people
Ingredients
Broccoli Meet Cheddar Soup
Instructions
  1. Find a skillet. Tell it hello. Put 1 tbsp of butter inside it and put the burner on medium heat
  2. Put the onions in the skillet and saute them until you can almost see through them, which is about 5 minutes
  3. Set that aside.
  4. Think about how much it sucks to be set aside and think about friendship because you are cooking and have to think versus scrolling down a newsfeed or something or looking at cat memes
  5. In a saucepan whisk the rest of the butter and the flour together on medium-low heat. Cook this until the flour isn't grainy any more. Don't let it burn. This should take about 3 minutes.
  6. Flour and butter are so different yet they become good recipe friends, don't they?
  7. Think about your friends. Wonder if you are the flour or the butter? Do you stick to people's hands? Do you make everything more tasty but are bad for the lactose intolerant? This are big questions worthy of a Buzzfeed quiz, "Which U.S.A. Basic Cooking Ingredient Are You?"
  8. Slowly pour the milk into the Flutter (That's my ship name for Flour and Butter). Whisk constantly as Flutter becomes a threesome of friendship - MiFlutter.
  9. Decide you are too clever for words.
  10. Stir in the stock. Simmer it. Cook it until it is thicker - about 15 minutes.
  11. It's time for a real Food Friend Party!!! Add broccoli and carrots, the ghostly onion, the smiling celery. Simmer for about another 15 minutes.
  12. Add the cheese. Cheese might seem late to the party, but man, that girl gets into it. Stir here in there until she sticks to all the other partiers and she's melted in. Season with pepper and salt. Enjoy the party in your mouth!

My mom was a firm believer that if you were going to eat vegetables that were green then you needed to cover them with a Velveeta sauce. She was also a firm believer that the only vegetables that shouldn’t ALWAYS come from a can were:

cucumber

lettuce

corn

She was not a big veggie person, my mom. But she did love broccoli cheddar soup because it’s cheese sauce on a vegetable masquerading as soup.

It was a big hit here. I riffed off a recipe by gildawen on the all recipes site. I found it to get thick pretty quickly, much like my waistline.

Man Verdict: THAT IS NOT A SERVING SIZE.

My Verdict: My one serving was delicious.

Dogs’ Verdict: The man ate THREE SERVINGS and we got none. That is so unfair, you should give us dog treats immediately to make up for this great injustice.


HELP US AND DO AN AWESOME GOOD DEED

Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness on the DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE podcast as we talk about random thoughts, writing advice and life tips. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of. Please share it and subscribe if you can. Please rate and like us if you are feeling kind, because it matters somehow. There’s a new episode every Tuesday!


BE A PART OF THE PODCAST!

Hey! If you download the Anchor application, you can call into the podcast, record a question, or just say ‘hi,’ and we’ll answer. You can be heard on our podcast! Sa-sweet!

No question is too wild. But just like Shaun does, try not to swear, okay?

Here is the link to the mobile app and our bonus podcast below.

WRITING AND OTHER NEWS

ART.

I do art stuff. You can find it and buy a print here. 

Bar Harbor Painting Schooner
Bar Harbor Painting Schooner

TIME STOPPERS!

You can order my middle grade fantasy novel Time Stoppers Escape From the Badlands here or anywhere.

People call it a cross between Harry Potter and Percy Jackson but it’s set in Maine. It’s full of adventure, quirkiness and heart.

Time Stoppers Carrie Jones Middle grade fantasy

MOE BERG 

The Spy Who Played Baseball is a picture book biography about Moe Berg. And… there’s a movie out now about Moe Berg, a major league baseball player who became a spy. How cool is that?

It’s awesome and quirky and fun.

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FLYING AND ENHANCED

Men in Black meet Buffy the Vampire Slayer? You know it. You can buy them here or anywhere.

31702754 copy

Miso Mushroom Soup of Magic

Print Recipe
Miso Mushroom Soup of Happiness
This is delicious. #theend
Magic Miso Mushroom Soup Recipe
Course Main Dish, soup
Cuisine vegetarian
Keyword miso
Prep Time 10 minutes
Cook Time 10 minutes
Passive Time 0 minutes
Servings
normal people
Ingredients
Course Main Dish, soup
Cuisine vegetarian
Keyword miso
Prep Time 10 minutes
Cook Time 10 minutes
Passive Time 0 minutes
Servings
normal people
Ingredients
Magic Miso Mushroom Soup Recipe
Instructions
  1. Put that broth in a saucepan and boil it.
  2. Realize you call it saucepain instead of sauce pan. There are deep reasons for this, aren't there? I mean YOU BOIL THINGS IN THERE! That seems violent. So does chopping things. Why is cooking so violent? When will the broth boil so you can stop thinking and start doing? AGHHHHH!!!!
  3. Once the broth boils, stop thinking and start doing! Feel relieved and add the mushrooms. Turn it to low. Thank the mushrooms for their service and sacrifice.
  4. Simmer four minutes. Try not to think about books, plots, reviews, agents who don't email back, other writers, or anything.
  5. Do not cry because the mushrooms gave their life to be your soup. Do not make this into a picture book or a poem. Just cook.
  6. Stir miso paste and soy sauce together so it's mixed and then add it to the sauce of pain. Add the tofu too. Cook one more minute
  7. You are done! What? THAT WAS SO FAST! Celebrate by pouring the soup into something you eat out of. Add the green onions.

I found this recipe on All Recipes by someone mysteriously known only as Claudia. I owe a lot to the mysterious Claudia because this is my new favorite recipe.

Man Verdict: I thought this was going to be disgusting, but this is one of my favorite soups ever.

My Verdict: Me too!

Dog Verdict: WE ARE NOT ALLOWED TO EAT THIS! LIFE IS SO UNFAIR! PLEASE PASS THE DOG BISCUITS, STAT!

Help Us and Do An Awesome Good Deed

Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness as we talk about random thoughts, writing advice and life tips. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of. Please share it and subscribe if you can. Please rate and like us if you are feeling kind, because it matters somehow. There’s a new episode every Tuesday!

WRITING AND OTHER NEWS

ART.

I do art stuff. You can find it and buy a print here. 

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is mockup-8408a5d6.jpg

TIME STOPPERS!

You can order my middle grade fantasy novel Time Stoppers Escape From the Badlands here or anywhere.

People call it a cross between Harry Potter and Percy Jackson but it’s set in Maine. It’s full of adventure, quirkiness and heart.

Time Stoppers Carrie Jones Middle grade fantasy

MOE BERG 

The Spy Who Played Baseball is a picture book biography about Moe Berg. And… there’s a movie out now about Moe Berg, a major league baseball player who became a spy. How cool is that?

It’s awesome and quirky and fun.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is My-Post-copy-6.jpg

FLYING AND ENHANCED

Men in Black meet Buffy the Vampire Slayer? You know it. You can buy them hereor anywhere.

31702754 copy

WRITING COACH

I offer solo writing coach services. For more about my individual coaching, click here.

I’ve Got A Feeling that these are Black-Eyed Peas Of Dopeness – Cooking With a Writer

Yes! There is cauliflower in your black-eyed peas. Do not judge!

Print Recipe
I've Got A Feeling that these are Black-Eyed Peas Of Dopeness
The original recipe that this has been adapted from is here: https://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/11/12/a-vegetarian-thanksgiving-table/ It's been featured in other places, too. It's just that good.
I've Got A Feeling that these are Black-Eyed Peas Of Dopeness Vegetarian Recipes of Awesome Quirky Fun by NYT Bestseller Carrie Jones
Prep Time 10 minutes
Cook Time 20 minutes
Passive Time what the what is this thing called passive?
Servings
people
Ingredients
Prep Time 10 minutes
Cook Time 20 minutes
Passive Time what the what is this thing called passive?
Servings
people
Ingredients
I've Got A Feeling that these are Black-Eyed Peas Of Dopeness Vegetarian Recipes of Awesome Quirky Fun by NYT Bestseller Carrie Jones
Instructions
  1. Get a big pot and heat oil on medium-high heat. Ignore the haters who have noticed cans of black-eyed peas. You'll show them. Sauté onions and green peppers in that oil until they are soft. Inhale the smell of onions and green peppers. Shout to the haters, "DOESN'T THAT SMELL GOOD?"
  2. Realize the haters are your own family members and not trolls on Twitter. Realize this might be a problem.
  3. Add cauliflower to the mix. Stir it all until it is lightly browned (5 to 8 minutes). Ignore the man standing over you who just said, "WHAT IS CAULIFLOWER DOING IN BLACK-EYED PEAS? WHERE THE HELL IS THE HAM?" Forgive him for his bias. Hum Black-Eyed Peas songs. Actually, no sing the chorus about your 'lovely lady lumps.' Tell him those lovely lady lumps will be off limits unless he stops with the judges attitude. Add garlic, cumin, chili powder, cinnamon, cayenne and salt. Cook 2-3 more minutes.
  4. Add the peas. Add the tomato sauce, water, soy sauce, brown sugar and vinegar. Yell to the man who is STILL COMPLAINING and decide you will only speak to him in Black Eyed Peas lyrics for now. To begin this new enlightened age of conversation shout, "Don't Phunk With My Heart." Reduce heat to medium. Simmer the veggies and your anger, uncovered. Do this 10 to 15 minutes. Shout things like, "Where is Love?" and "Pump It," and "I Gotta Feeling" until man apologizes and admits everything smells delicious.
  5. Taste it. Announce in your best Fergie voice, "Just Can't Get Enough." Serve. Make maple butter if you think the family deserves it. Forget it. YOU deserve it. "Hey Mama. Rock that Body" because this recipe? It is "Dopeness."

As you may have noticed by now. I’m trying to convince the man in the house to be – gasp – a little bit healthier by eating more vegetarian meals.

Since his favorite self-made meal is Kraft Macaroni and Cheese with meat mixed in (He has affectionately named this meal the swear-word for excrement) this hasn’t been easy.

But this recipe? After much mocking (as heard on our podcast, Dogs are Smarter than People) was a massive hit.

Man Verdict: I LOVE IT SO MUCH

Dog Verdict: We can’t even try this.

My Verdict: This is the first time, I’ve actually liked black-eyed peas.

Success!

Dogs are Smarter than People the writing podcast
Dogs like meat, you know.

OUR PODCAST – DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE.

Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness as we talk about random thoughts, writing advice and life tips. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of. Please share it and subscribe if you can. Please rate and like us if you are feeling kind, because it matters somehow. There’s a new episode every Tuesday!


BE A PART OF THE PODCAST!

Hey! If you download the Anchor application, you can call into the podcast, record a question, or just say ‘hi,’ and we’ll answer. You can be heard on our podcast! Sa-sweet!

No question is too wild. But just like Shaun does, try not to swear, okay?

Here is the link to the mobile app.

WRITING AND OTHER NEWS

ART.

I do art stuff. You can find it and buy a print here. 

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is mockup-8408a5d6.jpg

TIME STOPPERS!

You can order my middle grade fantasy novel Time Stoppers Escape From the Badlands here or anywhere.

People call it a cross between Harry Potter and Percy Jackson but it’s set in Maine. It’s full of adventure, quirkiness and heart.

Time Stoppers Carrie Jones Middle grade fantasy

MOE BERG 

The Spy Who Played Baseball is a picture book biography about Moe Berg. And… there’s a movie out now about Moe Berg, a major league baseball player who became a spy. How cool is that?

It’s awesome and quirky and fun.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is My-Post-copy-6.jpg

FLYING AND ENHANCED

Men in Black meet Buffy the Vampire Slayer? You know it. You can buy them hereor anywhere.

31702754 copy

WRITING COACH

I offer solo writing coach services. For more about my individual coaching, click here.

WRITING BARN

I am super psyched to be teaching the six-month long Write. Submit. Support. class at the Writing Barn

There are only two spots left and sign-up ends January 18th.

So are you looking for a group to support you in your writing process and help set achievable goals? Are you looking for the feedback and connections that could potentially lead you to that book deal you’ve been working towards?

Our Write. Submit. Support. (WSS) six-month ONLINE course offers structure and support not only to your writing lives and the manuscripts at hand, but also to the roller coaster ride of submissions: whether that be submitting to agents or, if agented, weathering the submissions to editors.

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Past Write. Submit. Support. students have gone on to receive representation from literary agents across the country. View one of our most recent success stories here

APPLY NOW!

Buckeye Balls of Easy Land

I am not a baker. I’m more of a cook. 

Shaun legitimately just said to me today, “I’ve never seen anyone cook like you. You’re so good.”

And I said, “What about your mom and stuff?”

And he said, “Yeah. They were good cooks.”

And I said, “What’s different then?”

And he said, “Well, they follow directions.”

He quickly started laughing because he realized how mean that sounded. So,  we’re still married. 

Anyway. I’m not so good at following directions and baking? Baking usually requires that. So Buckeye Balls are one of my go-to recipes because they are easy.

Sorry if you’re reading this consecutively in the blog. There was a little hiccup here. 

Print Recipe
Buckeye Ball of Easy Land
Buckeye Balls Of Easy Land
Course dessert
Keyword buckeye
Prep Time 45 minutes
Cook Time 10 minutes
Passive Time 30 minutes
Servings
people
Ingredients
Course dessert
Keyword buckeye
Prep Time 45 minutes
Cook Time 10 minutes
Passive Time 30 minutes
Servings
people
Ingredients
Buckeye Balls Of Easy Land
Instructions
  1. FInd a baking sheet. Line it with wax paper. Think about whether if you were really desperate you could melt crayons and use that. Hope you are never that desperate for wax paper.
  2. Find a bowl. TAKE OFF YOUR BLING! Mix peanuts butter, confectioners' sugar and butter and vanilla WITH YOUR HANDS! Worry that this is way too tactile for you. Think about how clean it is to write fiction compared to this. Vow to never whine about your job again.
  3. Mix that stuff until the dough is smooth-looking like a sleazy man under the dim lights of a hotel bar in a small town in Maine. I don't know where that came from. Worry about your thought process. Does wax paper give off fumes that cause hallucinations or maybe bring up repressed memories? Anyways, shape the dough into little balls. Each should be about 2 teaspoons of dough. Put those balls on the waxed paper and shove it into the refrigerator.
  4. Find the stove. On the stove put water into a pan and make it simmer. Above that simmering pan put a bowl or another pan. In that top pan melt the chocolate with the shortening. Stir it. When it's smooth take it off the stove.
  5. Take the balls out of the fridge. Put toothpicks in the ball. Dip ball into chocolate. Put balls back onto our good friend, wax paper. Do this with every single ball. Put the pan of chocolate balls into the fridge for at least 30 minutes. Rejoice. Try not to think about wax paper shortages, sleazy men in hotel bars, or the fact that your hands are going to forever smell like peanut butter.
Recipe Notes

You can put the toothpicks in the balls before you put them in the fridge or after you take them out.

Don't forget to take the toothpicks out before you give people the buckeyes! 

Buckeye Balls of Easy Land

Print Recipe
Buckeye Ball of Easy Land
Buckeye Balls Of Easy Land
Course dessert
Keyword buckeye
Prep Time 45 minutes
Cook Time 10 minutes
Passive Time 30 minutes
Servings
people
Ingredients
Course dessert
Keyword buckeye
Prep Time 45 minutes
Cook Time 10 minutes
Passive Time 30 minutes
Servings
people
Ingredients
Buckeye Balls Of Easy Land
Instructions
  1. FInd a baking sheet. Line it with wax paper. Think about whether if you were really desperate you could melt crayons and use that. Hope you are never that desperate for wax paper.
  2. Find a bowl. TAKE OFF YOUR BLING! Mix peanuts butter, confectioners' sugar and butter and vanilla WITH YOUR HANDS! Worry that this is way too tactile for you. Think about how clean it is to write fiction compared to this. Vow to never whine about your job again.
  3. Mix that stuff until the dough is smooth-looking like a sleazy man under the dim lights of a hotel bar in a small town in Maine. I don't know where that came from. Worry about your thought process. Does wax paper give off fumes that cause hallucinations or maybe bring up repressed memories? Anyways, shape the dough into little balls. Each should be about 2 teaspoons of dough. Put those balls on the waxed paper and shove it into the refrigerator.
  4. Find the stove. On the stove put water into a pan and make it simmer. Above that simmering pan put a bowl or another pan. In that top pan melt the chocolate with the shortening. Stir it. When it's smooth take it off the stove.
  5. Take the balls out of the fridge. Put toothpicks in the ball. Dip ball into chocolate. Put balls back onto our good friend, wax paper. Do this with every single ball. Put the pan of chocolate balls into the fridge for at least 30 minutes. Rejoice. Try not to think about wax paper shortages, sleazy men in hotel bars, or the fact that your hands are going to forever smell like peanut butter.
Recipe Notes

You can put the toothpicks in the balls before you put them in the fridge or after you take them out.

Don't forget to take the toothpicks out before you give people the buckeyes! 

FULL DISCLOSURE: I am not a baker. I’m more of a cook.

Shaun legitimately just said to me today, “I’ve never seen anyone cook like you. You’re so good.”

And I said, “What about your mom and stuff?

And he paused and said, “Yeah. They were good cooks.”

And I said, “What’s different then?”

And he said, “Well, they follow directions.”

He quickly started laughing because he realized how mean that sounded. So,  we’re still married. 

Anyway. I’m not so good at following directions and baking? Baking usually requires that. So Buckeye Balls are one of my go-to recipes because they are easy.

 I actually took a photo! I know! I know! Shocking! 

Man Verdict: I LOVE THESE.

Dog Verdict: WE LOVE PEANUT BUTTER. NO CHOCOLATE THOUGH.

Me Verdict: These are good, But my hands feel weird. 



WRITING AND OTHER NEWS

ART.

I do art stuff. You can find it and buy a print here. 

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

TIME STOPPERS!

You can order my middle grade fantasy novel Time Stoppers Escape From the Badlands here or anywhere.

People call it a cross between Harry Potter and Percy Jackson but it’s set in Maine. It’s full of adventure, quirkiness and heart.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is Timestoppers3_005-678x1024.jpg
This book looks really large. 

MOE BERG 

The Spy Who Played Baseball is a picture book biography about Moe Berg. And… there’s a movie out now about Moe Berg, a major league baseball player who became a spy. How cool is that?

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is My-Post-copy-6-300x300.jpg

It’s awesome and quirky and fun.

FLYING AND ENHANCED

Men in Black meet Buffy the Vampire Slayer? You know it. You can buy them here or anywhere.

OUR PODCAST – DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE

Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness as we talk about random thoughts, writing advice and life tips. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of. Please share it and subscribe if you can. Please rate and like us if you are feeling kind, because it matters somehow. There’s a new episode every Tuesday!

dogs are smarter than people carrie after dark being relentless to get published

WRITING COACH

I offer solo writing coach services. For more about my individual coaching, click here.

WRITING BARN

I am super psyched to be teaching the six-month long Write. Submit. Support. class at the Writing Barn!

Are you looking for a group to support you in your writing process and help set achievable goals? Are you looking for the feedback and connections that could potentially lead you to that book deal you’ve been working towards?

Our Write. Submit. Support. (WSS) six-month ONLINE course offers structure and support not only to your writing lives and the manuscripts at hand, but also to the roller coaster ride of submissions: whether that be submitting to agents or, if agented, weathering the submissions to editors.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is 786d9806-f7ed-494b-83a4-a5c0d4d0ddee-300x300.jpg

Past Write. Submit. Support. students have gone on to receive representation from literary agents across the country. View one of our most recent success stories here

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is 5b972961-d571-4514-8b96-9928956614bb-300x169.jpg

APPLY NOW!