Okay.
Let’s be honest.
I picked this recipe because I thought it might be cheap and I, my friends, am a writer and I used to be a journalist and we are almost always cheap.
What I failed to notice is that almonds are expensive.
I splurged and made it anyways.
As writers we’re always hoping to provide the right mix of elements in our story – a strong main character (protagonist), an awesome plot to hold it all together, a theme. And I was like – LOOK AT THIS RECIPE! Maybe the almonds are the surprise that will be the breakthrough element that makes this story/recipe fantastic! I will buy them. Look at me splurge!
The broccoli is totally meant to be the hero here and the pasta is the plot and the sauce, which isn’t actually a sauce, is like the theme, tiny bits of bread crumbs and almonds and olives holding it all together, making it all resonate.
But, it didn’t work that way for me.
It was like a not-quite-good story where all the elements are there, but… it just didn’t pop. Shaun, the husband, and star of the podcast “DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE” found this glee worthy.
Shaun: We are doing this because you are the former vegetarian trying to convince me, Captain Meat, that vegetarian cooking is awesome.
Me: Yeah. You just called yourself Captain Meat. You know that, right?
Shaun: Whatever. The point is that you are the one who didn’t like the last two recipes and I loved them.
Me:
Shaun begins dancing merrily around the kitchen like a 6-6 hobbit.
Me: Um.
Shaun continues dancing.
Me: That means my plan is working, right. YOU are the one loving them.
Shaun:
Me:
Shaun: Oh.
Pasta with Broccoli
This is a modified recipe, heavily inspired by Truly Madly Pasta. The calorie count is TOTALLY an estimate. The portion size is for four Carries or two Shauns. Yes, Shaun is my husband’s name. He eats a lot.
- 14 oz short macaroni (Ditali is its official name; it does not exist at my grocery store)
- 26 oz broccoli
- 4 oz green olives that lack pits
- 4 TBS olive oil
- 2 cloves garlic (all chopped up)
- 2/3 cup almonds (blanched and magically ground)
- 6 TBS bread crumbs (toasted recently)
- whatever seriously parmesan cheese (to taste is a nicer way to say 'whatever')
- to taste agan olive oil (extra virgin because it's getting sacrificed)
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Put a burner on HIGH heat. Put water in a big pot that can hold the pasta. Boil the water. Add pasta. Add salt to boiling water. Boil for 10 minutes or al dente.
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Do not let the water boil over. This makes a big mess. Do not let anyone else be in charge of the boiling water. This is your story… I mean water. You own this. You get to be in charge.
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Step away. Let someone else be in charge. Water boils over and makes a huge mess. Realize this is what it’s like to give up control of your manuscript. Cry. Clean up the mess with your tears.
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While you are crying and the pasta is boiling, steam broccoli for six minutes. Do this in a different pot! Sing the “Chopping Broccoli” song from old SNL. Feel a bit better.
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Chop olives while all this other stuff is happening. Think about how good books come from having multiple elements weaving together. Decide that the pasta is the plot. The broccoli is the characters. The olives are… um…. What are olives, really?
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Heat olive oil in pan, a frying pan. Add garlic. Cook one minute. DO THIS GENTLY! Add olives and ground olives. Add a TB or more of water randomly. Take it out of the pasta pot if you can. It is better for sticking, plus less wasting of water.
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Feel good about how eco-friendly you are. Gloat.
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Drain the pasta. Try not to think about the water.
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Mix the pasta, the broccoli , the olive/almonds/garlic mix, the bread crumbs. Drizzle extra oil on top. Bring out the cheese.
Dog Verdict: We liked it!
Man Verdict: I loved it!
Carrie Verdict: Um…. yeah…. Are there red pepper flakes anywhere?
WRITING NEWS
TIME STOPPERS THE MIDDLE GRADE SERIES OF AWESOME
Time Stoppers’s third book comes out this summer. It’s been called a cross between Harry Potter and Percy Jackson, but with heart. It takes place in Acadia National Park in Bar Harbor, Maine. I need to think of awesome ways to promote it because this little book series is the book series of my own middle grade heart. Plus, I wrote it for the Emster. Plus, it is fun.
And finally, the podcast DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE is still chugging along. Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of.
