Recipe by CarrieCourse: FruitCuisine: AmericanDifficulty: easy
Servings
4
servings
Prep time
20
minutes
Chilling time
1
hour
The fruit salad that might inspire you to finally write an erotic scene in your novel. But also somehow reminds you of your grandparents. Shudder. It’s good though!
Stuff That Goes In It
21 oz can peach pie filling
20 oz can pineapple chunks drained
15 oz can mandarin oranges drained
16 oz frozen or fresh strawberries halved or quartered
3 kiwi sliced
2 bananas sliced
Tiny bit of vanilla
Maybe an apple
Seedless grapes if you’re into it
Maybe ⅛ teaspoon of lemon juice if you’re using apples and not eating it right away (it helps keep the apples from oxidizing).
How to Make It
Realize that if you want to make any money in writing, you’re probably going to have to learn to write sexy scenes.
Realize that you’re pretty bad at writing sexy scenes.
The only way to deal with this is to make a naughty fruit salad.
Gather up the ingredients! Let’s go.
Chop the fruit up until it’s bitable pieces. People bite and nibble and stuff in sex scenes, don’t they?
Mix up all the fruit and vanilla and peach pie filling and lemon juice. If the peaches look too chonky, cut them up so they are easy to nibble on. Try to wield the knife seductively. Realize the only thing you can wield seductively is . . . is . . . is . . . insert your own favorite swear word here . . . nothing
Chill it like a cold shower for at least an hour. You can write the cold shower scene! That’s not naughty — or is it?
So, in an effort to make life healthier, I’ve been posting and trying vegetarian recipes.
This week’s efforts were thwarted by some anger I had at Adobe Support, who kept me waiting in the tech support chat room for an hour and never supported me.
So, um…. It gets ugly.
Caldo Verde Without the Meat
I know! It’s pretty much sacrilegious
2 lbs potatoes – gold (peeled, chopped)
4 cloves garlic (minced)
1 whole onion (chopped)
.5 cup olive oil
1 bunch kale or collard greens
8 cups veggie broth
.5 whatever salt and pepper to taste
Cut the greens into super thin strips while waiting for Adobe Support to answer your chat message.
Get a pot. Check to see if Adobe has answered yet. Realize they hate you
In the pot put potatoes, onion, garlic, olive oil and broth.
Read the Adobe support message thanking you for your patience. Realize that they have now resent that message 11 times.
That’s a lot of thanking.
Bring pot ingredients to a boil while contemplating how to get Adobe Support to notice you. Wonder if you should angry Tweet.
Lower heat to medium. Cook 20 minutes. Check that support chat. Realize they really are never going to answer you.
Realize how dependent you are on Adobe for your podcast, newsletter, website, and pretty much whole life.
Cry bitterly
Remove potatoes from pot. Mash them. Return to pot.
Have violent, mashing thoughts about Adobe support but then remember you are a peace-loving pacifist writer of picture books. Suppress the urge.
Find or borrow a hand blender. Blend soup until it is smooth.
Add greens.
Cook for 15 more minutes.
Realize Adobe is indeed never going to respond to you.
Angry tweet.
Add salt and pepper, maybe some extra olive oil.
Eat.
Do not share it with Adobe Support
Man Verdict: It needs sausage. What’s that Portuguese sausage?
Dogs Verdict: Or bacon.
Carrie Verdict: You all aren’t getting the point of this.
Writing News
Next and Last Time Stoppers Book
It’s almost out! You can pre-ordermy middle grade fantasy novel Time Stoppers Escape From the Badlands here or anywhere. The official release date is August 7!
People call it a cross between Harry Potter and Percy Jackson but it’s set in Maine. It’s full of adventure, quirkiness and heart.
Moe Berg
The Spy Who Played Baseball is a picture book biography about Moe Berg. And… there’s a movie out now about Moe Berg, a major league baseball player who became a spy. How cool is that?
You should totally buy Carrie’s book about Moe. It’s awesome and quirky and fun.
OUR PODCAST DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE.
Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness as we talk about random thoughts, writing advice and life tips. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of. Please share it and subscribe if you can. Please rate and like us if you are feeling kind, because it matters somehow.
Writing Coach
Carrie offers solo writing coach services. For more about Carrie’s individual coaching, click here.
Appearances
Carrie will be at The Books-A-Million in South Portland, Maine on August 8. She’ll be at the Maine Literacy Volunteers Festival on September 8.
Share this if you want and also because it would be super nice of you!
In my never ending quest to make The Man a vegetarian (or to at least eat less meat), I pulled out the American comfort food that clogs almost every happy vegetarian’s arteries.
Yes… twice baked potatoes.
I know! I know! It’s full of dairy.
It’s one step at a time over here, people. One step at a time.
Twice Baked Potato
When your potatoes are overachievers.
2 whole baking potatoes
4 slices bacon
.5 cup sour cream
.25 cup milk
.5 cup cream cheese (onion and chive flavor is awesome)
2 tbsp butter
.5 cup cheddar cheese
4 bits green onion (slice the onions up and separate into two piles)
2 tsp onion powder
Writer! Find your oven! Turn it on to 350 Fahrenheit.
Hint: Oven is usually in the kitchen.
Poke holes in your potatoes. Rub them in a little oil if you have it, but not a lot because you don’t want them to drip. Place the potatoes in the oven. Keep them there for 60 minutes.
Think about potatoes. They are so versatile like those annoying writers who get starred reviews in multiple genres. Try not to hate potatoes. Fail. Those jerks. MUST THEY BE ABLE TO DO EVERYTHING?
Take potatoes out of the oven. Realize that not only are they a versatile food capable of inspiring Seamus Heaney poems, but they also inspire children’s games like hot potato.
Hate them more.
Realize that you will eat them and they will become a part of you. You win in this power struggle. You the writer are going to triumph over the potato.
Let them cool for 10 minutes.
Realize you could just eat them now as regular old baked potatoes. Why do you need to be fancy?
Because other writers are fancy. That’s why. And you can overachieve, too, even if you are still wearing your pajamas at 7 p.m. and you woke up at 8 a.m. Hey! You woke up. That’s achieving.
Cut the poor potatoes in half lengthwise.
This feels violent. You are not violent.
Continue on and scoop the soft potato innards into a large bowl.
Save skins. They aren’t really skins. It’s okay. Let’s call them peels. That sounds nicer.
Save the peels. Try not to rip them.
Add cream cheese, sour cream, milk, butter, salt, pepper, 1/4 cup cheddar cheese, onion powder, and 1/2 the green onions. Add all of that to the potato innards.
Then mix it until it is creamy. Use a hand mixer if you have electricity and stuff like hand mixers. If not just whip it into a frenzy with a potato masher. Do you have one of those? How about a fork? Even that will work.
Put all of that stuff into the potato skins. Top each with remaining cheese, and green onions.
Put it in the oven again for 15 minutes.
Appreciate that you overachieved and went for it. You did it, writer! Eat up!
Dog Verdict: PLEASE PUT BACON ON THESE.
Man Verdict: These would be even more amazing with bacon bits, but I like them. I like them a lot.
Me: EVERYTHING IS NOT BETTER WITH BACON!
All others: (Blank stares).
Writing News
The Spy Who Played Baseball is a picture book biography about Moe Berg. And… there’s a movie out now about Moe Berg, a major league baseball player who became a spy. How cool is that?
You should totally buy Carrie’s book about Moe. It’s awesome and quirky and fun.
Moe Berg
OUR PODCAST DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE.
Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness as we talk about random thoughts, writing advice and life tips. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of. Please share it and subscribe if you can. Please rate and like us if you are feeling kind, because it matters somehow.
Writing Coach
Carrie offers solo writing coach services, but she’s also teaching a Write! Submit! Support! six-month class online via the Writing Barn in Austin. For details about that class, check out this link. For more about Carrie’s individual coaching, click here.
Share this if you want and also because it would be super nice of you!
