Authors Are LIARS – Let’s Pretend It Ain’t Winter Smoothie Recipe

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Let's Pretend It Ain't Winter Smoothie Recipe
This recipe is adapted from life and also an All Recipes by Licia McClung O'Neill! Many thanks to Licia!
Let's Pretend It Ain't Winter Smoothie Recipe
Course drinks, side dish
Prep Time 10 minutes
Cook Time 0 minutes
Passive Time 0 minutes
Servings
people
Ingredients
Course drinks, side dish
Prep Time 10 minutes
Cook Time 0 minutes
Passive Time 0 minutes
Servings
people
Ingredients
Let's Pretend It Ain't Winter Smoothie Recipe
Instructions
  1. Dear God, how is it still winter?
  2. Winter will never end
  3. Winter is not coming, Game of Thrones people. Winter is freaking here.
  4. Okay. Try to breathe. The days will eventually get longer. The sun will eventually shine. You can fight this! YOU CAN SURVIVE THIS NEVER-ENDING WHITENESS AND COLD.
  5. Find your blender. Wipe the ice off it. Remember all the happy times you and your blender had in the summer? You can do that again.
  6. Pour juice into blender.
  7. Remember being warm. Remember not having to constantly wear layers. Remember when your fingers weren't too frozen to text or type.
  8. Add fruit to blender.
  9. Though your brain is frozen, remember to put the cover on the blender and turn it on. Blend. Make it smooth. This takes 1 minute.
  10. Try not to drink summer right out of the blender, but put it in glasses (two). Drink. Remember what it was to be warm.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am not the best person to live in a climate that has winter.

I develop anxiety every night – just this slow-roll that starts at 8 p.m. and ends when I finally fall asleep. It’s like a constant hum of, “YOU WILL DIE SOON. HUMANS ARE MORTAL. THE NIGHT IS DARK AND SO IS YOUR FUTURE. MUAH-HA-HA-HA.”

Then I wake up. I’m fine. I look at the world of white and it starts again. If a psychiatrist ever looked at the use of ‘snow’ and ‘cold’ as imagery in my books they’d be like, “Yo, this writer has a vendetta against cold.”

And the above recipe? It was my attempt to trick my brain into summer-time thoughts. Did it work?

Man Verdict: This would be amazing with alcohol.

Dogs’ Verdict: This would be amazing with dog treats dipped inside. Where is the box of dog treats?

My Verdict: There is still snow outside, but inside of me is tropical.



WRITING AND OTHER NEWS

IN THE WOODS – READ AN EXCERPT, PREORDER NOW!

My next book, IN THE WOODS, appears in July with Steve Wedel. It’s scary and one of Publisher’s Weekly’s Buzz Books for Summer 2019. There’s an excerpt of it there and everything! But even cooler (for me) they’ve deemed it buzz worthy! Buzz worthy seems like an awesome thing to be deemed!

You can preorder this bad boy, which might make it have a sequel. The sequel would be amazing. Believe me, I know. It features caves and monsters and love. Because doesn’t every story?

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HEAR MY BOOK BABY (AND MORE) ON PATREON

On February first, I’m going to launch my Patreon site where I’ll be reading chapters (in order) of a never-published teen fantasy novel, releasing deleted scenes and art from some of my more popular books. And so much more.

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WHAT IS PATREON? 

A lot of you might be new to Patreon and not get how it works. That’s totally cool. New things can be scary, but there’s a cool primer HERE that explains how it works. The short of it is this: You give Patreon your paypal or credit card # and they charge you whatever you level you choose at the end of each month. That money supports me sharing my writing and art and podcasts and weirdness with you. 

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HELP US AND DO AN AWESOME GOOD DEED

Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness on the DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE podcast as we talk about random thoughts, writing advice and life tips. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of. Please share it and subscribe if you can. Please rate and like us if you are feeling kind, because it matters somehow. There’s a new episode every Tuesday!


BE A PART OF THE PODCAST!

Hey! If you download the Anchor application, you can call into the podcast, record a question, or just say ‘hi,’ and we’ll answer. You can be heard on our podcast! Sa-sweet!

No question is too wild. But just like Shaun does, try not to swear, okay?

Here is the link to the mobile app.

ART.

I do art stuff. You can find it and buy a print here. 

Bar Harbor Art Carrie Jones Welcome to Magic
Bar Harbor Art Carrie Jones Welcome to Magic

TIME STOPPERS!

You can order my middle grade fantasy novel Time Stoppers Escape From the Badlands here or anywhere.

People call it a cross between Harry Potter and Percy Jackson but it’s set in Maine. It’s full of adventure, quirkiness and heart.

Time Stoppers Carrie Jones Middle grade fantasy

FLYING AND ENHANCED

Men in Black meet Buffy the Vampire Slayer? You know it. You can buy them here or anywhere. It’s fun, accessible science fiction. ImageImage

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Cooking With a Writer – Grilled Miso Vegetables of Awesome

So, we are currently hanging out in a camper and renting out our house because you make big money renting out your house for the summer when you live in Bar Harbor, Maine.

And this means….

That we’re cooking outside a lot and the man is winning in his quest to be Captain Carnivore and I am losing in my quest to make us a happy vegetarian household… or is it camper-hold?

And to make it worse, Captain Carnivore is not into vegetables, thus his name. He won’t touch cucumbers, tomatoes, eggplant, zucchini or anything actually good.

But I made this anyway because sometimes I want to make something I like. And I like this… I like it a lot.

Miso Grilled Vegetables of Awesome

This recipe owes everything to Cooking Light and Naomi Duguid. All poorly thought out deviations are my fault. 

  • 2.5 tbsp miso – white
  • 1.5 tbsp water (or enough to make it right)
  • 3 tbsp olive oil (plus a bit more if needed for consistency)
  • 1 lb zuchinni (cut into slices about ⅓-inch thick)
  • .5 lb eggplant (cut into slices about ⅓-inch thick)
  • 2 whole peppers (red and orange and yellow are the coolest. Sorry. Green. Cut each into six pieces)
  • 1 whole red onion (cut into wedges)
  • 1 big spray cooking spray
  • 2 sprigs mint leaves (optional)
  • 1 whole lime (optional)
  1. Use the cooking spray to coat your grill rack. Not the outside of the grill. Then turn the grill on to high heat. 

    Think about how some writers write under the influence of illegal drugs. Wonder how they keep track of their plot. 

  2. Put miso and water together. Wonder if they like each other or are eyeing each other warily, wondering what will happen next. 

    Shout, “IT’S A PARTY,” and  slowly add oil. Stir them all up with a whisk and sing your favorite party song. Are there writer party songs? There should be. 

    Put the vegetables EXCEPT THE ONION in a pan, say, “Now it’s really a party, babies!”

    Add about 5 tablespoons of the miso party mixture. 

    Toss it up.

    Think about parties from your younger days.  

    Feel badly for the onion, out on its own with no miso mix, unable to be tossed around because it’s too fragile and will break apart.

    Feel like the onion.

    Brush onion with what’s left of the miso marinade, and whisper, “It’s okay… You can party, too. You’re okay. You’re loved and included.”

  3. Put everyone on the rack on the grill, even the onion.

    Zucchini, eggplant, and bell pepper can only party for about 4 minutes on each side. 

    They don’t have the onion’s stamina. Be proud of the onion and grill it for 6 minutes on either side.

    Basically, grill the veggies until they are tender veggies.

    Put some mint on them and serve them with lime wedges. Because they are done. 

Shaun Verdict: You are trying to kill me.

Dog Verdict: Rub some dirt on it, we’ll call it good.

Carrie Verdict: THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER!

Writing News

Next and Last Time Stoppers Book

It’s out! You can order my middle grade fantasy novel Time Stoppers Escape From the Badlands here or anywhere. The official release date was August 7!

Please buy it so I can keep buying food for the dogs… and stuff…

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People call it a cross between Harry Potter and Percy Jackson but it’s set in Maine. It’s full of adventure, quirkiness and heart.

Moe Berg

The Spy Who Played Baseball is a picture book biography about Moe Berg. And… there’s a movie out now about Moe Berg, a major league baseball player who became a spy. How cool is that?

It’s awesome and quirky and fun.

OUR PODCAST DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE.

Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness as we talk about random thoughts, writing advice and life tips. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of. Please share it and subscribe if you can. Please rate and like us if you are feeling kind, because it matters somehow.

dogs are smarter than people carrie after dark being relentless to get published

Writing Coach

Carrie offers solo writing coach services. For more about Carrie’s individual coaching, click here.

Appearances

Carrie will be at the Maine Literacy Volunteers Festival on September 8. She is not sure where it is in Maine. She thinks… Augusta?

 

Cooking With a Writer Squash Me Up Soup Recipe

In order to make a good book, a break-out novel, you have to have inherent conflict, opposing forces that both want something.

This is my house.

I want to not eat meat.

Everyone else wants to eat meat. I think it’s wasteful to make separate meals all the time (no-meat, meat).

So, like any good protagonist, I’m attempting to convince Shaun and the dogs to eat vegetarian meals. But, I am easily bored so I give the recipes a humorous writer-twist. And that brings us to this squishy squash soup recipe that I made this week. It was creamy and delightful and you can add things to it like cilantro!

Gabby hated it so much she resorted to eating licking the comforter.
Gabby hated it so much she resorted to eating licking the comforter.

Squash Me Up Soup Recipe

It’s squash. It’s soup. It’s creamy. It’s orange. That’s got to be good, right? 

  • 2 TBSP Unsalted butter
  • 1 Leek (all chopped up)
  • 1 Butternut Squash (3 – 4 pounds, cube it up)
  • .25 tsp nutmeg
  • .5 tsp black petter
  • 4 tbsp sherry (More if you just got rejected)
  • 3 cup vegetarian stock
  • 1 cup milk (the full-on fat kind because you are a starving writer)
  • 2 tbsp heavy cream
  • sherry vinegar (to taste)
  • salt (to taste)
  1. Find a medium stock pot and melt the butter in a medium stockpot. Turn it on medium-lowish heat. Feel like this is how your book feels – sort of mid-list, sort of squishy. Ponder with angst. 

  2. Once the butter is melted, stop staring at it and put the leeks in there.

    They have to sweat.

    So do you, right? Writing is sweat for the heart, grit for the soul, an endurance sport.

  3. Stir it once in a while. That’s how your agent responds to you, right? Once in awhile. Stir until the leeks are soft but not brown.

    This takes about 5 minutes.

    This is much quicker than anything in the publishing world. 

    Except mean tweets.  Mean tweets are fast. 

  4. This looks kind of cool. Admire the leeks. How your book is like them. Good smelling, soft yet not burnt. 

  5. Add the squash, nutmeg, pepper, and some salt.

    Stir it around once in awhile for another 5 minutes. 

  6. Add the sherry.

    For the next 2-3 minutes let the sherry hang out in there. 

    If it is not against your religion, drink sherry straight from the bottle. That’s just what happens when there is nobody helping you cook.

    Do not judge yourself. That’s what reviewers are for.

  7. Add enough stock to barely cover the vegetables. 

    This is sort of like the publicity budget for your book – just enough to cover the basics.

    Drink more sherry. Wipe it off your chin. 

  8. Okay. It’s breakout novel … I mean … soup… time. 

    Turn the heat to high. Make it boil.

    Feel satisfied. That’s success right there. 

    Now reduce the heat to a simmer. Control that simmer like you control your readers’ emotions and keep it there for 20 minutes.

    The squash should be fork tender like your readers’ hearts. 

  9. Add milk.

    Add the 2 tablespoons cream. 

  10. Blend until smooth. 

    This is scary because it is hot so be careful. If you are using a regular blender and not an immersion blender DO NOT TRY TO DO IT ALL AT ONCE! This is like a manuscript. You can’t just throw it all in there for two seconds and call it good. There are steps to blending just like there are steps to revision. 

  11. Add however much salt, pepper, sherry, and sherry vinegar you need to make it taste good.

    If it seems bland go raid the spice rack and add cumin or curry or open the fridge and squeeze some hot sauce in there – a TB or more to taste.

  12. Once it is in the bowl, put cream on top so it seems fancy. 

Dog Verdict: WHERE IS THE BACON?

Man Verdict: This would be better with bacon, honestly

Carrie Verdict: Cilantro is the new bacon!

https://carriejonesbooks.bloghttps://carriejonesbooks.blog
Cooking With a Writer

WRITING NEWS

I’m on WERU today, Thursday, at 10 a.m. EST. You can call in and ask me stuff. I’ll be talking about writing and books. The link is here. 

TIME STOPPERS THE MIDDLE GRADE SERIES OF AWESOME

Time Stoppers’s third book comes out this summer. It’s been called a cross between Harry Potter and Percy Jackson, but with heart. It takes place in Acadia National Park in Bar Harbor, Maine. I need to think of awesome ways to promote it because this little book series is the book series of my own middle grade heart. Plus, I wrote it for the Emster. Plus, it is fun.

Dogs Are Smarter Than People

And finally, the podcast DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE is still chugging along. Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of.

Dogs are smarter than people - the podcast, writing tips, life tips, quirky humans, awesome dogs