Facing Your Fears

This past week, I travelled six hours to Vermont to do four days of writer residencies at a cool small school in Orange, which is the best name for a New England town other than Banana. I then drove eighteen hours (Thanks traffic!) to High Point, North Carolina for a funeral.

And during this time I had a lot of anxiety because:

  1. I want to do a good job when I hang out with students.
  2. I am a terrible driver who doesn’t see out her left eye.
  3. I get nervous about meeting people.

To be fair, once I actually meet people then all bets are off and I become ridiculously extroverted and happy. I just have stage fright about real life.

This all made me think about my first book series, NEED, which came out in 2008 because the main character, Zara, was obsessed with fears. While other people are focusing on photos of themselves at the beginning of this decade (2009) and now (2019), I thought it would be cool to see if I’m not older (obviously) and have less eyebrows (also, yep), but if my fears have changed.

Back in 2008, I actually did a fear meme, which I’ve posted below.

Fear Questions

The first bracket is 2008. The second is now.

[ ] the dark
[ ] staying single forever
[ ] being a parent
[ ] giving birth
[ ] being myself in front of others
[ ] open spaces
[} closed spaces
[ ] heights
[  ] dogs
[ ] birds
[ ] fish
[ ] spiders
[ ] flowers or other plants

Total so far:0, still 0

[ ] being touched
[ ] fire  
[ ] deep water
[ ] snakes
[ ] silk
[ ] the ocean
[ ] failure
[ ] success
[ ] thunder/lightning
[ ] frogs/toads
[ ] my boyfriends/girlfriend’s dad
[ ] boyfriends/girlfriend’s mom
[ ] rats
[ ] jumping from high places
[ ] snow

Total so far: 0 and 0

[ ] rain
[ ] wind
[ ] crossing hanging bridges
[ ] death
[ ] heaven
[ ] being robbed
[ ] falling
[ ] clowns
[ ] dolls
[ ] large crowds of people
[ ] men
[ ] women
[ ] having great responsibilities
[x ] doctors, including dentists – I am no longer afraid of them.
[ ] tornadoes 

Total so far: 1 and now 0

[ ] hurricanes 
[ ] incurable diseases
[ ] sharks
[ ] Friday the 13th
[ ] ghosts
[ ] poverty – I am now afraid of this. This is a problem.
[ ] Halloween
[ ] school
[ ] trains
[ ] odd numbers
[ ] even numbers
[ ] being alone
[ ] becoming blind
[ ] becoming deaf
[ ] growing up

Total so far: 0 and now 1

[ x] creepy noises in the night – Nope. Not any longer.
[ ] bee stings
[ ] not accomplishing my dreams/goals
[ ] needles
[ ] blood
[ ] dinosaurs
[ ] the welcome mat
[ ] high speed
[ ] throwing up
[ ] falling in love
[ ] super secrets

Final Total: It was 2. It is now a big 1

The original poster wrote:

If you get more than 30, I strongly recommend some counseling.
If you get more than 20, you’re paranoid.
If you get 10-20, you are normal.
If you get 10 or less, you’re fearless.
People who don’t have any are liars.

So, apparently I am fearless.

But I’m ot.

Actually my true phobia is downhill skiing! I know! I know! How ridiculous. The other one? Being afraid of poverty? It limits me and keeps me from taking chances so I really have to work on it.

I feel like I should do a shameless, want to help me not face poverty? Buy art. Buy a book. Be a patron. That’s shameless though. Or is it just good marketing? Hm….

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Gasp!

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Order this bad boy, which might make it have a sequel. The sequel would be amazing. Believe me, I know. It features caves and monsters and love. Because doesn’t every story?

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Mommy Fears (in Honor of the Emster)

In honor of the Emster being home on leave this week, I’ve conjured up this old blog post about my mommy fears and her innate Emster capabilities.

What I find interesting about this is: 

  1. How openly neurotic I have always been.

  2. How she has always been kick-butt.

 

Here you go: 

Okay. You know how when you’re a mom you have these certain levels of fear when it comes to your kid? Well, most moms do. Sorry to all you people who are not moms or aren’t neurotic. You will probably be bored with this blog post.

 So there’s the deepest level of Mom Fear, which is that:

1. Your child will be kidnapped on an airplane like in that Jodi Foster movie where she ends up blowing up the airplane in a feat of total mom awesomeness.
2. Your child will be assaulted or violated.
3. Your child will be murdered/seriously injured or threatened to be like in that Denzel Washington movie where he’s the bodyguard but he might as well be the dad because he is so amazing to Pita and she even names her teddy bear after him.
4. Your child will marry a ghoul:

Mommy Fears-2
Please do not marry him, Em, at least not when he’s like this.

But then I have what I call the Secondary Level of Mom Fear, which includes:

My child will starve because I have no income.

My child will become a heroin addict because I suck, etc…

My child will become a monster full of hate.

But also on this Mom fear level is this one:

My child will get on the wrong airplane at the airport.

And yep… It happened.

So the Emster was done with this super cool Fresh Film Program in New York City (thanks to amazing author and human Saundra Mitchell) and she was flying home to Maine. Em did everything right:

1. She got a car and had money to pay it. She got in the car at 8 a.m.
2. She told the driver she wanted to go to US Airways at Laguardia Airport.
3. She buckled her seat belt. Gold star, Em! Gold star!

But then things went wrong. There was an accident. Traffic stalled. She was stuck there for about an hour. But finally they move again. The driver drops her off at the airport, but wait — He drops her off at the United terminal. Em realizes this once she gets inside. She asks for help. Twice. She runs to the shuttle for the other terminal. The shuttle bus doors have just closed. She looks hopeless.

Em is the one smiling with teeth. 😉

Hopeless doesn’t work. So, instead she goes into Looking Cute mode. The shuttle bus doors magically open.  She asks the driver for help. He tells her to hop on. She does. There are a MILLION stops. They get to the terminal. She goes to the kiosk to get her boarding pass but she doesn’t have a credit card and can’t pay the $20 for her luggage. Someone else helps. She gives them cash. They don’t even make her weigh her suitcase. Score! (Note: Shoes are heavy. Em likes shoes).

She finds the Security Screening. She goes through. She finds her gate. It is 9:30. Her plane is supposed to leave at 10. There is nobody milling around like normal. Em being the astute little camper that she is, goes to the woman at the little podium/counter thing and asks if this is the gate for the Bangor, Maine flight.

Woman: That flight is closed.

Em: !!!!!

She decides to look cute again.

 Em is still the same one.

Woman (speaks into walkie-talkie): MUMBLE MUMBLE.

Em: ?????!!!!

Woman (to Em):
Okay. You can go out. The plane is on the tarmac.

They let her through the doors. She rushes to the airplane, climbs up the stairs, gets on, looks at her ticket and then says to the flight attendant:
Is this the plane to Bangor, Maine?
Flight attendant person: No. This is the plane to Buffalo.

Em:

Flight attendant person:
The Bangor plane is behind us, I think.

Em runs down the stairs, across the tarmac and towards a plane that was completely obscured by the Buffalo plane. She drops things on the tarmac. She picks things up. She runs. She scrambles up the flight of stairs and says, “Is this the plane to Bangor?”

It is.

But wait!

Her seat is gone. They have given it away because she is late.

“NO!!!!!!!!” Em screams.

But they let her sit in the exit row all by herself. She buckles up and makes it. Nobody kidnaps her. She does not fly to Buffalo. She flies home.

She is amazing.

And cute.

And resourceful as heck.

Me: You will write about this some day.

Em: I have already lived it once; I do not want to live it again.

Writing News

The Spy Who Played Baseball is a picture book biography about Moe Berg. And… there’s a movie out now about Moe Berg, a major league baseball player who became a spy. How cool is that?

You should totally buy Carrie’s book about Moe. It’s awesome and quirky and fun. She’s heading to Houston, North Carolina, and Virgnia soon, just to talk about it. How cool is that?

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And finally, for the month of July, Carrie’s book FLYING is on sale in ebook version on multiple platforms, which means not just Amazon. It’s a cheap way to have an awesome read in a book that’s basically Men in Black meets Buffy the Vampire Slayer but with chocolate-covered pretzels.

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Proof of the sale-nature of July.

 

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Episode #3 – Don’t Block Yourself, Welcome to the Library of Snores

Episode #3 – Don’t Block Yourself, Welcome to the Library of Snores

 
 

00:00 / 00:15:59
 

1X

 

Blocking happens in life when we are afraid.

Writer Vasubandhu believes there are five main fears that all humans have:

  1. Death
  2. Bankruptcy
  3. Losing your reputation
  4. Losing consciousness
  5. Speaking in front of people.

 

I don’t have some of those fears, but I know that the fears I do have keep me from reaching out, stepping beyond my comfort zone. Like this podcast is hard for me because I had a teacher who told me I would never be successful or get married or get into college because my voice was so ridiculous.

I proved him wrong, but it still… Sometimes it makes me pause when I have to do something where people will hear me – my actual voice. I think it’s one of the main reasons I became a writer. Writing is quiet. Nobody hears you slur your s’s.

So, those fears? They block us. Don’t let your fear keep you from living your life, telling your story, being who you want to be.

 

 

 

 

 

Writing Tip: Think about what you’re afraid of. Think about why. Think about if that fear is holding you back from writing the story you want to write.

Dog Tip: Dogs don’t care about money or passing out or speaking in front of people. Channel your inner dog and do things that give you joy.