cheapvegetarian – Carrie Jones Books

COOKING WITH A WRITER – Black Bean Soup of the Soul

It’s a cooking blog redone. Why? Because I’ve been working for over 12 hours and I’m not done.

Yes, folks. I’m dialing it in. My apologies!

So, I am a bit down lately, mostly because:

I am a writer
I live in the U.S.
Politics

I gave up and am giving you all this – the Black Bean Soup that Reflects the State of My Inner Soul Right This Second Because I am DIRE.

Yeah.

Black Bean Soup Because The World Sucks

Sometimes the world sucks and you need a dark soup to match your feelings. Am I right?

This is a new version of a black bean soup I wrote about before. You can never have enough black bean soup recipes. Can you?

3 tbsp olive or vegetable oil
2 whole onions (chopped)
6 whole garlic cloves (chopped/pressed)
3 ribs celery (chopped)
1 whole carrot (chopped)
5 tsp cumin
.5 tsp red pepper flakes or hot sauce (to taste really)
60 oz black beans (canned, drained)
2 tsp lime juice
.5 cup cilantro (optional, to taste)

Heatolive oil in soup pot over medium heat.

Stare at it until it shimmers.

Remember when you used to shimmer.

Sigh dramatically.

Throw in the onions, celery and carrot.

Sigh again because honestly? What is the point.

Put in salt, blood pressure be damned.
Stir once in awhile. Eventually the vegetable will get soft.

“Eventually” is 10 to 15 minutes. This is a much shorter ‘eventually’ than when waiting for your editor to return your email. But whatever.
Add in the smelly things – garlic, cumin and red pepper flakes.

Wonder if you’re a smelly thing? When did you last bathe? Was it before 2018? Join the club.

Cook until things smell more than you do – 30 seconds.
It’s time for the dark soul part of this soup. You are miserable, aren’t you? Yes, writer you are.

Add beans. Add broth.

Put the heat on medium high and watch it simmer. Reduce it so it only simmers gently. If only YOU were simmering gently, but honestly? The state of the world makes you SIMMER INTO ROARING, doesn’t it? Yes. Yes. It does.

Soup is not you though. So simmer GENTLY for 30 minutes, or else it will boil over and stick to the pot and believe me, you do not have the emotional reserves to deal with that mess.
Put about 4 cups into a blender (make sure not to overload your blender because it is hot and you will get burned and you probably don’t have the medical insurance to deal with that if you are an American writer).

Blend carefully.

You can also use a hot-pink immersion blender if you are tired of the darkness of this soup, your soul, and this world.

JUST BE CAREFUL!
Put the blended stuff back in the soup pot. Mix. Add in cilantro, lime juice, salt and pepper.

Sigh.

Eat it.

Sigh more.

Man Verdict – It tastes sad.

Dog Verdict – Isn’t this not good for dogs?

My Verdict – Yep. Uh-huh.

WRITING NEWS

ENHANCED, the follow-up to FLYING is here! And the books are out of this world. Please buy them and support a writer.

The last TIME STOPPERS BOOK is out and I love it. You should buy it because it’s empowering and about friendship and bias and magic. Plus, dragons and elves.

How to Get Signed Copies:

If you would like to purchase signed copies of my books, you can do so through the awesome Sherman’s Book Store in Bar Harbor, Maine or the amazing Briar Patch. The books are also available online at places like Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

For signed copies – email barharbor@shermans.com for Sherman’s or email info@briarpatchbooks.comand let them know the titles in which you are interested. There’s sometimes a waiting list, but they are the best option. Plus, you’re supporting an adorable local bookstore run by some really wonderful humans. But here’s the Amazon link, too!

Art Stuff

You can buy prints of my art here. Thank you so much for supporting my books and me and each other. I hope you have an amazing day.

A new episode of Dogs are Smarter Than People, the quirky podcast with writing tips, life tips and a random thought came out yesterday! Check it out, like and subscribe!

I’ve Got A Feeling that these are Black-Eyed Peas Of Dopeness – Cooking With a Writer

Yes! There is cauliflower in your black-eyed peas. Do not judge!

[ultimate-recipe id=”2410″ template=”default”]

As you may have noticed by now. I’m trying to convince the man in the house to be – gasp – a little bit healthier by eating more vegetarian meals.

Since his favorite self-made meal is Kraft Macaroni and Cheese with meat mixed in (He has affectionately named this meal the swear-word for excrement) this hasn’t been easy.

But this recipe? After much mocking (as heard on our podcast, Dogs are Smarter than People) was a massive hit.

Man Verdict: I LOVE IT SO MUCH

Dog Verdict: We can’t even try this.

My Verdict: This is the first time, I’ve actually liked black-eyed peas.

Success!

Dogs are Smarter than People the writing podcast — Dogs like meat, you know.

OUR PODCAST – DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE.

Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness as we talk about random thoughts, writing advice and life tips. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of. Please share it and subscribe if you can. Please rate and like us if you are feeling kind, because it matters somehow. There’s a new episode every Tuesday!

BE A PART OF THE PODCAST!

Hey! If you download the Anchor application, you can call into the podcast, record a question, or just say ‘hi,’ and we’ll answer. You can be heard on our podcast! Sa-sweet!

No question is too wild. But just like Shaun does, try not to swear, okay?

Here is the link to the mobile app.

WRITING AND OTHER NEWS

ART.

I do art stuff. You can find it and buy a print here.

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TIME STOPPERS!

You can order my middle grade fantasy novel Time Stoppers Escape From the Badlands here or anywhere.

People call it a cross between Harry Potter and Percy Jackson but it’s set in Maine. It’s full of adventure, quirkiness and heart.

Time Stoppers Carrie Jones Middle grade fantasy

MOE BERG

The Spy Who Played Baseball is a picture book biography about Moe Berg. And… there’s a movie out now about Moe Berg, a major league baseball player who became a spy. How cool is that?

It’s awesome and quirky and fun.

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FLYING AND ENHANCED

Men in Black meet Buffy the Vampire Slayer? You know it. You can buy them hereor anywhere.

WRITING COACH

I offer solo writing coach services. For more about my individual coaching, click here.

WRITING BARN

I am super psyched to be teaching the six-month long Write. Submit. Support. class at the Writing Barn

There are only two spots left and sign-up ends January 18th.

So are you looking for a group to support you in your writing process and help set achievable goals? Are you looking for the feedback and connections that could potentially lead you to that book deal you’ve been working towards?

Our Write. Submit. Support. (WSS) six-month ONLINE course offers structure and support not only to your writing lives and the manuscripts at hand, but also to the roller coaster ride of submissions: whether that be submitting to agents or, if agented, weathering the submissions to editors.

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Past Write. Submit. Support. students have gone on to receive representation from literary agents across the country. View one of our most recent success stories here.

APPLY NOW!

Stuff that Cauliflower, Baby

Okay. Apparently, I FAILED TO PUBLISH this post yesterday because…. Thanksgiving and I was a little flustered. But here you go… A Thursday cooking post on a Friday. Sorry!

It’s Thanksgiving post. And um…. it’s pretty dialed in, honestly because HE WHO ONLY EATS MEAT is being needy and um… holiday. And Gabby the Dog is barking a lot.

So, in honor of stuffing turkeys, I’m bringing you this SUPER EASY recipe where you take whatever stuffing you have and shove it in a cauliflower. I know! I know! Way to sell it, Carrie.

But it’s good. I promise. And even if it all breaks apart? It’s still really good – it’s just not pretty that way.

I hope you have a lovely day where you are thankful for the shared values that everyone in this country holds, things like togetherness, giving to others, sharing our stories and being grateful for what we have. Remember the stories and narratives we’ve been told about this holiday aren’t exactly true, but maybe we can start creating a new narrative – a story of unity and generosity – and carry that forward. It’s time.

Shout Out – This recipe is adapted from the much better recipe from the Food Network. They mention no uncles and actually make their own stuffing. I know! I know! Amazing.

Stuff that Cauliflower Recipe

Because it’s Thanksgiving and you have to stuff something.

1 big head of cauliflower (2.5 lbs – 3 lbs)
a lot of pre-made stuffing (like you've already made it)
1/2 cup breadcrumbs (enough to spread on the cauliflower's outside)
2 TBSP butter

Okay. Look. It’s Thanksgiving. You aren’t supposed to talk politics, but you’re a writer. You don’t know how not to talk politics. Go and find a 1-gallon resealable freezer bag of the plastic kind.
Don’t think about how plastic is bad for the environment. You have enough to deal with right now because…. relatives and politics and Thanksgiving.
Turn on the stove to 400 Fahrenheit. Put the rack in the center of the stove. Find a baking sheet. Put parchment on that sheet.

Don’t get mad at the uncle who says that writers shouldn’t tweet about politics. Okay. Whatever. Get mad.
Look at your cauliflower. It’s so pretty. It’s like a brain. It’s like an uncle’s brain. Imagine this and you take the stem out. Try not to cut ANY STALK or ANY STEMS. Imagine you’re a doctor fixing your uncle’s brain so he’s nice.
Find a pot. Fill the pot with salted water and boil that brain – I mean cauliflower – for about 7 minutes. Don’t cook it too long or it will break when you stuff it with good political thoughts – I mean stuffing.
Take the cauliflower from the pot. Drain. Cool. Ignore your uncle when he says that being a vegetarian is an act of violence against the meat farmers of the country and un-American. Go find the wine.
Wine is not in the recipe but it doesn’t matter. Find the wine. Drink the wine while the cauliflower is cooling. Distract uncle by mentioning football.
Put your already made stuffing into the bag. Cut a hole (3/4-inch) in a corner.

Take that cauliflower and put it stem-side up.

Pipe filling in the holes between the florets. Push it down with your fingers. FILL THE HOLES WITH STUFFING and PRETEND THAT STUFFING IS KNOWLEDGE AND POLITICAL VIEWS THAT AGREE WITH YOUR OWN.

Wonder if you had too much wine.

Fill every single hole with stuffing. Your cauliflower will look weird. Your uncle always says ‘you look weird.’ Don’t care.

Put that cauliflower on the baking sheet, stem side should be down.
Brush butter on outside of the cauliflower brain. Sprinkle with salt.

Sprinkle with bread crumbs.

Bake until the cauliflower about 40 minutes. Cauliflower will be soft. Breadcrumbs will be brown.

Cool 10 minutes.

Slice into wedges. Serve to everyone even your uncle.

The Man’s Verdict – How is this supposed to serve four people?

My Verdict – Normal people aren’t 6-6, buddy and don’t have your caloric needs. Also, this is yummy.

The Dog’s Verdict – It would be better with bones.

Writing News

Time Stoppers!

You can order my middle grade fantasy novel Time Stoppers Escape From the Badlands here or anywhere.

People call it a cross between Harry Potter and Percy Jackson but it’s set in Maine. It’s full of adventure, quirkiness and heart.

I’m WRITING BARN FACULTY AND THERE’S A COURSE YOU CAN TAKE!

I am super psyched to be teaching the six-month long Write. Submit. Support. class at the Writing Barn!

Are you looking for a group to support you in your writing process and help set achievable goals? Are you looking for the feedback and connections that could potentially lead you to that book deal you’ve been working towards?

Past Write. Submit. Support. students have gone on to receive representation from literary agents across the country. View one of our most recent success stories here.

Apply Now!

Moe Berg

The Spy Who Played Baseball is a picture book biography about Moe Berg. And… there’s a movie out now about Moe Berg, a major league baseball player who became a spy. How cool is that?

It’s awesome and quirky and fun.

OUR PODCAST – DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE.

Writing Coach

I offer solo writing coach services. For more about my individual coaching, click here.

Veggie Nachos, Baby

Why, hello. Yes, it is me, Carrie, a carb-loving writer on a quest to make her household (gasp) vegetarians.

Because I felt guilty about the kale and the tomatoes that I’ve been throwing at the man lately (Only after he threw them at me first), I’ve adopted a recipe that I think will not incite any sort of unhappy incidents.

Why?

Because they are nachos and nachos, my friend, are awesome.

Veggie Nachos, Baby

I like nachos. Nachos have carbs. I don’t care. The end.

This recipe is taken and adapted (and also adopted) from the amazing blog, Cookie and Kate. The link to the true recipe is here: https://cookieandkate.com/2018/loaded-veggie-nachos-recipe/

8 oz tortilla chips (rugged ones)
1 can pinto bans
4 oz cheddar (shredded like it was at a really good book launch)
4 oz pepper jack (shredded and hot like it was at a really good book launch somewhere warm (Hint; Not Chicago. I always get sent to Chicago. I like Chicago. Chicago is not warm))
1 whole pepper (green, red, orange – just dice it up )
1/3 cup feta cheese (because I live in Maine and we have no cool Mexican cheese)
1/3 cup onions (green or regular, diced)
2 tbsp cilantro (You can blow this off if you hate poor Cilantro)
some or whatever guacamole or avocado (if you're into it)
some or whatever salsa (pre-made, homemade, it's up to youPreheat oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper. Place handfuls of chips on the baking sheet and distribute evenly, minimizing the gaps between chips. Set aside.)

Find your oven. It should be in the kitchen. It was there last time you looked and I don’t think you’re living in a T.C. Boyle or Vonnegut novel so it should still be there. Okay. Found it? Put it on 400 degrees Fahrenheit.
Find a baking sheet. Line it with parchment paper. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT EATING NACHOS!

If you are a writer who solely makes money from writing ignore the parchment paper and just spray the sheet. It’s cheaper.

Put the chips all across the sheet. Try not to have gaps because stuff will leak through. NO LEAKING ALLOWED!
Okay. You have a nice bottom layer. It is the supporting structure of your nachos just like you have to have a supporting structure of your new story: A LOVE STORY: ONE WRITER AND HER QUEST FOR CONSTANT CARBS.

On top of that layer you want to put the beans. Spread them out nicely. Do the same with the cheeses, pepper, feta and any spicy things.
Put that party in the oven. Love it. Admire it. Obsess over it. The carbs. The cheese. The beauty. Bake until the cheese melts.

This should be somewhere around 10 minutes.
Take it out of the oven.

I know you want to gobble it all up but refrain, my carb-loving friends, refrain.
Why, refrain? Because it isn’t over yet, my friends. Wave bye to ketosis and dollop on the guacamole. Then sprinkle onions and cilantro on there.
And there. Eat it! Call it good. Forget about ketosis and whole-day-diet stuff of 30 things or whatever the heck they call it. Gobble up those nachos. It’s one life, baby. Let’s live it.

Man Verdict: Thank God. You don’t hate me.

Doggy Verdict: Why must tortilla chips have salt? We can’t have these, can we? Why do you hate us, human?

My Verdict: Nachos have totally supplanted potatoes as my comfort food.

ENHANCED PAPERBACK RELEASE!

Carrie Jones, the New York Times bestselling author of Flying, presents another science fiction adventure of cheerleader-turned-alien-hunter Mana in Enhanced.

Seventeen-year-old Mana has found and rescued her mother, but her work isn’t done yet. Her mother may be out of alien hands, but she’s in a coma, unable to tell anyone what she knows.

Mana is ready to take action. The only problem? Nobody will let her. Lyle, her best friend and almost-boyfriend (for a minute there, anyway), seems to want nothing to do with hunting aliens, despite his love of Doctor Who. Bestie Seppie is so desperate to stay out of it, she’s actually leaving town. And her mom’s hot but arrogant alien-hunting partner, China, is ignoring Mana’s texts, cutting her out of the mission entirely.

They all know the alien threat won’t stay quiet for long. It’s up to Mana to fight her way back in.

“Witty dialogue and flawless action.”—VOYA

“YA readers, you’re in for a treat this week. Hilarious and action-packed, this novel is sure to be the perfect summer read.”—Bookish

“Funny and playful, with a diverse cast of characters and a bit of romance and adventure, Flying is the perfect light summer read.”—BookPage

Our podcast DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLEis still chugging along. Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of.

The Final Time Stoppers Book

What is it? It’s the third TIME STOPPERS book!

Time Stopper Annie’s newfound home, the enchanted town Aurora, is in danger. The vicious Raiff will stop at nothing to steal the town’s magic, and Annie is the only one who can defeat him–even though it’s prophesied that she’ll “fall with evil.”

Alongside her loyal band of friends Eva, Bloom, SalGoud, and Jamie, who still isn’t quite sure whether he’s a troll or not, Annie journeys deep into the Raiff’s realm, the Badlands. The group will face everything from ruthless monsters to their own deepest fears. Can Annie find the courage to confront the Raiff and save everyone, even if it means making the ultimate sacrifice?

What People are Saying About The Books:

“An imaginative blend of fantasy, whimsy, and suspense, with a charming cast of underdog characters . . . This new fantasy series will entice younger fans of Harry Potter and Percy Jackson.” – School Library Journal

“The characters show welcome kindness and poignant insecurity, and the text sprinkles in humor . . . and an abundance of magical creatures.” – Kirkus Reviews

“An imaginative blend of fantasy, whimsy, and suspense, with a charming cast of underdog characters . . . This new fantasy series will entice younger fans of Harry Potter and Percy Jackson.” – School Library Journal

How to Get Signed Copies:

Cooking With a Writer – Vampire Tempeh Kabobs

When I First Started Writing, Vampires were really popular.

And it turns out that when I make kabobs?

I think about vampires.

Vampires are kind of the opposites of vegetarians (usually), but what the heck, right?

It’s vegetarian kabobs with a vampy twist.

Tempeh Kabobs My Friend

1 8 oz tempeh
16 whole mushrooms (white)
16 whole cherry tomatoes
1 whole red pepper

For marinade

8 tbsp tamari (cut into 1.5-inch pieces)
3 tbsp honey
7 tbsp olive oil
1 tbsp garlic (chopped)
1 tbsp ginger root (granted)

For Couscous

1 package couscous
1 cup raisins or cran-raisins
1 cup chickpeas
1 whole lemon
2 tsp cumin

Find a plastic bag.

Ponder the use of plastics in this world. Wonder if the vampire teeth you bought for Halloween will ever be used again

Cry a little because the world is too full of plastic and fake vampire teeth and plastic bags.

Put the tempeh, mushrooms, and veggies in the bag.
Find a bowl. Be grateful it’s not plastic. Wonder if vampires collect blood in bowls.

Whisk oil, tamari, and honey together Add 1 tbs ginger, 1 tbsp garlic, and salt and pepper.
Pour stuff in the bowl into the bag. Seal bag. Shake bag. Refrigerate – 2 hours. Write a screenplay about vampires collecting plastic teeth in bowls.
Hit medium-high heat on grill. Make skewers.

This seems sort of like torture. Cherry tomatoes are squirting blood everywhere!

Yikes.

OH MY GOSH! SKEWERS ARE LIKE STAKES! YOU KILL VAMPIRES WITH STAKES!

Maybe you should write a vampire novel instead of a screenplay because you could have fun describing this. Yes. Yes, you could. . .
Make couscous according to directions., BUT BE A REBEL VAMPIRE and add 1 tablespoon ginger, cumin, and salt during the cooking.

When it is all done cooking add in the raisins and garbanzo beans.
Grill skewers. Turn them a lot.

When they look done to your liking eat them with the couscous and left-over marinade.

Feel undead.

Like it.

Dog Verdict: No.

Man Verdict: THERE ARE TOMATOES ON HERE.

Me: You can pick tomatoes off.

Man: They have contaminated everything! Everything!

Me (eats man’s tomatoes): I like this.

If you all remember the whole point of this is to try to convince The Man to become a vegetarian. So… I probably shouldn’t have added the tomatoes. Marsie the Cat agrees this was a bad move.