LET’S SHOW YOU HOW SHOW VS TELL WORKS! Florida Man Poops on a Possum. We won’t show you that

Dogs Are Smarter Than People: Writing Life, Marriage and Motivation

LET’S SHOW YOU HOW SHOW VS TELL WORKS! Florida Man Poops on a Possum. We won't show you that

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Hey! Welcome to our series of podcasts and posts all about showing vs. telling, which we are on fire about right now, right Shaun?

Growls.

You can check out the rest of the series on Carrie’s Substack Write Better Now or just the podcast episodes on her blog, https://carriejonesbooks.blog/

So, a lot of my writers have a brain like mine, which is sad for them. Just kidding! Just kidding! A lot of them do better when they see an explanation of show vs tell rather than just having their editor or writing coach shout, “SHOW DO NOT TELL!”

So, here’s a paragraph that maybe could be tweaked for a little too much telling.

Once they reached Gwenda the Gerbil’s cage, Ham-Ham shoved himself inside before swiftly closing the trap door, notching it. He took a second to breathe while Gwenda stepped onto the hamster wheel. She sighed, and suddenly he felt her staring at him.

This is what happens when you immerse yourself in the scene a bit more.

Ham-Ham scurried into the cage, Gwenda following. This was bad.

“Latch the door!” she demanded, hopping to the wheel.

“I’m trying!” It clicked and his breath whooshed out, smelling of stolen dog food.

“They’ll never know,” Gwenda whispered, “come run up here with me before the human comes.”

“You have kibble on your fur.”
“Oh,” she said, “I do. You want to lick it off?”

Not only is it less telling, but it’s in scene and we have a lot more context than just getting somewhere, closing a door, sighing, breathing and staring, right? One reads like blah. One reads like you’re in the moment (even though it’s in the past tense). One is flatter. One is more dimensional.

DOG TIP FOR LIFE

dogs are smarter than people podcast show don't tell — Pogie Dog Side-eye

Look, you want to live your life in the moment, not have those moments told to you or via other people’s/dogs/hamsters moments.

WRITING EXERCISE

This is from WillowWrites:

“Write a scene where two people are arguing. Show the anger and frustration without using the words angry or frustrated.”

PLACES TO SUBMIT

NEA Literature Fellowships sponsored by the National Endowment for the Arts.

Genre: Poetry.

Prize: $25,000 grants to published creative writers that enable recipients to set aside time for writing, research, travel, and general career advancement.

Deadline: March 13, 2024.

Savage Mystery Writing Contest.

Genre: Mystery short story.

Prize: Winning stories are published in Toasted Cheese. If 50 or fewer eligible entries are received, first place receives a $35 Amazon gift card & second a $10 Amazon gift card. If 51 or more eligible entries are received, first place receives a $50 Amazon gift card, second a $15 Amazon gift card & third a $10 Amazon gift card.

Deadline: March 24, 2024. Opens March 22.

RANDOM THOUGHT LINK

We found the Florida man story here.

SHOUT OUT!

The music we’ve clipped and shortened in this podcast is awesome and is made available through the Creative Commons License.

Here’s a link to that and the artist’s website. Who is this artist and what is this song? It’s “Summer Spliff” by Broke For Free.

WE HAVE EXTRA CONTENT ALL ABOUT LIVING HAPPY OVER HERE! It’s pretty awesome.

We have a podcast, LOVING THE STRANGE, which we stream biweekly live on Carrie’s Facebook and Twitter and YouTube on Fridays. Her Facebook and Twitter handles are all carriejonesbooks or carriejonesbook. But she also has extra cool content focused on writing tips here.

Carrie is reading one of her raw poems every once in awhile on CARRIE DOES POEMS. And there you go! Whew! That’s a lot!

Author: carriejonesbooks

I am the NYT and internationally-bestselling author of children's books, which include the NEED series, FLYING series, TIME STOPPERS series, DEAR BULLY and other books. I like hedgehogs and puppies and warm places. I have none of these things in my life. View all posts by carriejonesbooks

Jason Gallaher, author of WHOBERT WHOVER, OWL DETECTIVE

Writing Coach of Your Dreams

Carrie is the writing coach I always dreamed of having. She has such a great balance in her feedback between singing your praises at what is working and giving you honest criticism at what still needs development. Carrie goes above and beyond in her editorial letters, giving very clear and detailed feedback, and her eagerness to answer any questions makes the whole experience of critique—which can be a very vulnerable experience—make you feel like you’re with a trusted friend that you’ve known for years (even though you just met).

Nancy Stone

Stellar Writing Coach

Carrie is not only whip-smart, savvy, and insightful, she is kind, generous, and real. A stellar writing coach and human being, she gives me priceless creative and professional guidance, but most of all she gives me hope. Her joyful, honest approach to writing is a bright and guiding light.

Michelle Ames

Stellar Writing Coach

Julie Herman

Encouraging Feedback

I met Carrie through an online course offered through the Writing Barn. She was a thorough reader of our work, giving both positive and encouraging feedback. Any fixes she offered were on point and gently given. I felt that my writing grew significantly during the time I spent under her wing.

Stefanie Chou

MAKES IT EASY

I’ve worked with Carrie on multiple novels and she is a wonderful mentor! She is a great teacher and provides excellent feedback with examples, allowing me to learn and grow as a writer. She usually responds with feedback quicker than the agreed time, which is always nice. The best thing about Carrie though is that she is so encouraging. Sometimes it’s hard to have your work critiqued, but Carrie makes it easy. She is so good at heaping on praise while also giving constructive feedback, so it makes you excited to revise, rather than want to give up. I highly recommend her!

Lauren Haynes

EXPLORE YOUR STORY’S SOUL

It is a blessing Carrie is willing to share her insights and talents with others, because she is a powerhouse of a coach who pushes you to be the best writer you can be. There were times where I was so frustrated with my novel I felt like quitting, and Carrie pulled me from the bog of eternal revisions and dead-ends into a place of hope. She invigorated me to write and write better. Carrie inspired my growth as a writer and a person. She showed me it’s okay (actually, it’s great) to embrace my quirkiness. She tore down walls I didn’t know I had built and gave me the foundation to be a confident writer with direction.

Her feedback centers on developing your authentic voice. She doesn’t try to make you write like anyone else and applauds your uniqueness. She encourages you to push boundaries and explore the soul of your story. She is extremely attentive to character development and plot structure, as well as how those elements resonate with the intended audience and reveal the author’s purpose. She celebrates powerful writing with specific feedback on what works and why it works just as often as she advises on revisions to improve the story. She asks meaningful questions, offers clear examples, and supplies diverse resources to provoke the author to transform their stories in ways they may never have otherwise. She has an innate sense of the heart of a story and digs into its core as if the writing were her own.

I could not more strongly recommend Carrie as a writing coach, because she cares fiercely about your writing, works tirelessly to improve your story, and nurtures you as a writer. She is the coach, the cheerleader, and the team all in one. If you want to get out of your rut or become a better writer, Carrie is the person you want to have by your side.

Wendi Kepplinger

Shrinks Fear

Carrie has a gift of encouragement in its truest sense–she searches for what is good in a writer and grows it, she provides perspective that shrinks fear back to size, and she nourishes the kind of confidence and hope so vital for a creative work. Even her criticism is gently done. She is also unfailingly funny! Her comments keep discussions fun and light and create a safe space for people to share and grow. It is clear that she cares and wants our books to succeed.

Cathy Carr

Gentle Encouragement and an Occasional Kick in the Pants

One of the things I enjoyed the most about working with Carrie is that she helped me write the book I wanted to write, not the book she would have preferred I write, or the book she would written in my place. She was vested in helping me express my vision as a writer and as a human being.

One special thing about Carrie as a writing coach and teacher is her understanding of writing psychology. She’s well familiar with the pits of uncertainty and the swamps of despondency a writer can step into, and seems to know just the right thing to say to get the struggling person going again, from gentle encouragement to straight-ahead course correction to even the occasional kick in the pants.

Trista Wilson

A Light for Other Writers

When working with Carrie, I can feel that she is genuinely invested in helping me make my writing the very best it can be. She freely shares her own writing experiences, including the struggles, which helps me not feel alone in those tough moments. She is so positive and encouraging while also giving very specific and thoughtful feedback to help my writing shine. Carrie is truly a light for other writers.

Patti Brown

Positive and Uplifting and Funny

I have known Carrie Jones for many years, and I’ve now had the pleasure of working with her in a professional capacity. Carrie was my writing coach through the WRITE, SUBMIT, SUPPORT program at The Writing Barn.

As a coach and support person, she was phenomenal. I greatly appreciated Carrie’s enthusiasm towards me and the other students. She took the time to know each of us. She was positive and uplifting in her messages, and funny, too!

Carrie is also a skilled writing teacher, honing in on the subtlest of details while also keeping the big picture of the story in view. She found the deficits in my story and was able to provide suggestions for solutions without being negative. She understands the difficulty writers encounter in this business and is always ready to help–whether by lifting our spirits or providing resources. I enjoyed having Carrie as my coach and I would highly recommend her to other writers.

Sara Crawford

By Far One of the Best

I was in the Write. Submit. Support class from The Writing Barn that was led by Carrie, and it was exactly what I needed. I’ve worked with a lot of different writing teachers and mentors in college classes, my MFA program, a playwriting apprenticeship, and various workshops and residencies, and Carrie was by far one of the best. Her feedback on my writing was extremely helpful but also encouraging and uplifting. She gave us a lot of thought-provoking and beneficial information in the monthly classes that helped me to see my writing from a different perspective. Every month, after our classes or after I received notes from her, I was inspired not only to write and improve my craft but to create in general–to write fiction, to write songs, to write plays, and to write content that would help other creative people and artists.

I also love how supportive Carrie is. She takes the time to really listen to you, encourage you, and support you, no matter where you are in your writing career or what your goals are. I also appreciate that she understands that everyone’s publishing path is different, and I was so grateful that I could turn to her for advice and support as I had to make some difficult decisions about my own career. I miss WSS now that the class is ofter, but fortunately, Carrie continues to produce informative and uplifting content for creatives every day–from her blog posts to her podcasts to her motivational thoughts posted alongside adorable dog photos on social media–and she inspires me to do the same. For anyone looking for a writing mentor/teacher/coach, I can’t recommend Carrie enough.