Zoombombing, Tiger King, Kittens in Heat – Is Your Family Driving You Mad During Lockdown? This might be why

Dogs Are Smarter Than People: Writing Life, Marriage and Motivation

Zoombombing, Tiger King, Kittens in Heat - Is Your Family Driving You Mad During Lockdown? This might be why

00:00 / 00:28:44

Now that we’re all home and living with our significant others because of CoVid-19 aka the coronavirus from Hell, it’s making some of go a little… Well, a little crazy. Why is this? Here we are housebound with the people we love with all our hearts and suddenly just listening to them breathe is making us want to throw knives when we really should just be so thankful that we’re not sick.

Are you feeling this way and freaking out about it?

Well, you are not alone. Not only is Covid messing with our anxieties, our livelihoods, our health and sending some of us into spirals of depression and grief, it’s also changing our routines and schedules and patterns and that can make us feel kind of vulnerable and off kilter.

This is where attachment styles come in. In her essay “Coping With an Insecure Attachment Style” on VeryWellMind on carriejonesbooks.blog, Marni Feuerman talks about how our attachment styles can be either secure or insecure and how they arise from our childhood.

She writes,

“A secure style comes from consistency, reliability, and safety in one’s childhood. As an adult, those with a secure attachment style can reflect back on their childhood and see both the good and the bad that occurred, but in the proper perspective. Overall, they generally feel that someone reliable was always available to them in their formative years. In adulthood, they enjoy close, intimate relationships and do not fear taking risks in love.”
Feuerman

Who are these magical, well-balanced people? They are the ones who are chill and not freaking out about how their significant other is loading the dishwasher, that’s who they are.

The rest of us have three insecure attachment patterns, she explains, and those are avoidant, ambivalent, and disorganized.

THE THREE INSECURE ATTACHMENT PATTERNS

“Avoidant: Avoidant people have a dismissive attitude. They shun intimacy and have many difficulties reaching for others in times of need.
Ambivalent: Those with an ambivalent pattern are often anxious and preoccupied. These people may be viewed as “clingy” or “needy,” often requiring much validation and reassurance.
Disorganized: The disorganized pattern is often the product of trauma or extreme inconsistency in one’s childhood. Disorganized attachment is not a mixture of avoidant and ambivalent attachments—it is a far more serious state where a person has no real coping strategies and is unable to deal with the world.”
Feuerman again

I am ambivalent AF. Gabby, our dog, is also ambivalent.

What do attachment styles have to do with writing?

Well, when you’re writing about relationships in a dystopian novel or apocalypse, you want to account for those different types of personalities and levels of attachment.

Is your character secure or insecure? What type of insecure?

Knowing that and their background can help you flesh them out and make each character not a carbon copy of you or of your other characters.

What does this have to do with life?

Well, I think you all know. It’s time to buck up and do the work while we’re social distancing to make sure that we can evolve to the best people we can be and not scream at our loved ones and not repeat bad behaviors. We can’t all afford psychotherapy and we can’t even go see a therapist right now, but a good thing to keep in mind is what Feuerman says,

“To earn security, you have to develop a coherent narrative about what happened to you as a child. You also need to explore the impact it has had on the decisions you may unconsciously have made about how to survive in the world. You have to think critically about how your upbringing affected your attachment style, and work on breaking those patterns.”
Feuerman

That’s hard work, but it’s worth it. Nobody wants a criminal record or to go to jail during a pandemic. You’ve got this. Don’t have Joe Exotic be your end story.

Writing Tip of the Pod

Think about your main character. Are they secure? Insecure? Why?

Dog Tip for Life

You’ve got to create a narrative that will help you be the best dog owner you can be. Dogs do this all the time. We’re hurt, abandoned, rescued and we create whole new joyous lives. You can too. Bacon helps.

Writing Exercise of the Pod

Think about your best friend’s mom. Think about your best friend. What is their narrative? Write it.

In our random thought (which you hear in the podcast) we talk about:

Tiger King
Zoombombing
Kittens in heat

SHOUT OUT

The music we’ve clipped and shortened in this podcast is awesome and is made available through the Creative Commons License. Here’s a link to that and the artist’s website. Who is this artist and what is this song? It’s “Night Owl” by Broke For Free.

Last week’s episode’s link.

WHERE TO FIND US

The podcast link if you don’t see it above. Plus, it’s everywhere like Apple Music, iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and more. Just google, “DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE” then like and subscribe.

Last week’s episode link.

This week’s episode link.

NEWS

Over 180,000 people have downloaded episodes of our podcast, DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE, you should join them.

NEW PODCAST INTERVIEW EPISODES!

Starting this Thursday we’re sharing bonus interview podcasts with cool people who exist. Check it out and critique Carrie’s interviewing skills.

WRITING NEWS!

The Writing Course of Awesome

It’s our very own writing course!

Basically, it’s set up a bit like a distance MFA program, only it costs a lot less and also has a big element of writer support built in. This program costs $125 a month and runs for four-month sessions and starts in April 2020

To find out more, check out this link. It’s only $125 a month, so it’s a super good deal. Come write with us!

NEW BOOK OF AWESOME

I have a new book out!!!!!! It’s an adult mystery set in the town where we live, which is Bar Harbor, Maine. You can order it here. And you totally should.

THIS IS WHAT IT’S ABOUT

Rosie Jones, small town reporter and single mom, is looking forward to her first quiet Maine winter with her young daughter, Lily. After a disastrous first marriage, she’s made a whole new life and new identities for her and her little girl. Rosie is more than ready for a winter of cookies, sledding, stories about planning board meetings, and trying not to fall in like with the local police sergeant, Seamus Kelley.
But after her car is tampered with and crashes into Sgt. Kelley’s cruiser during a blizzard, her quiet new world spirals out of control and back into the danger she thought she’d left behind. One of her new friends is murdered. She herself has been poisoned and she finds a list of anagrams on her dead friend’s floor.
As the killer strikes again, it’s obvious that the women of Bar Harbor aren’t safe. Despite the blizzard and her struggle to keep her new identity a secret, Rosie sets out to make sure no more women die. With the help of the handsome but injured Sgt. Kelley and the town’s firefighters, it’s up to Rosie to stop the murderer before he strikes again.

You can order it here.

IN THE WOODS – READ AN EXCERPT, ORDER NOW!

My new book, IN THE WOODS, is out!

Gasp!

It’s with Steve Wedel. It’s scary and one of Publisher’s Weekly’s Buzz Books for Summer 2019. There’s an excerpt of it there and everything! But even cooler (for me) they’ve deemed it buzz worthy! Buzz worthy seems like an awesome thing to be deemed!

Order this bad boy, which might make it have a sequel. The sequel would be amazing. Believe me, I know. It features caves and monsters and love. Because doesn’t every story?

ART NEWS

Buy limited-edition prints and learn more about my art here on my site.

Author: carriejonesbooks

I am the NYT and internationally-bestselling author of children's books, which include the NEED series, FLYING series, TIME STOPPERS series, DEAR BULLY and other books. I like hedgehogs and puppies and warm places. I have none of these things in my life. View all posts by carriejonesbooks

Jason Gallaher, author of WHOBERT WHOVER, OWL DETECTIVE

Writing Coach of Your Dreams

Carrie is the writing coach I always dreamed of having. She has such a great balance in her feedback between singing your praises at what is working and giving you honest criticism at what still needs development. Carrie goes above and beyond in her editorial letters, giving very clear and detailed feedback, and her eagerness to answer any questions makes the whole experience of critique—which can be a very vulnerable experience—make you feel like you’re with a trusted friend that you’ve known for years (even though you just met).

Nancy Stone

Stellar Writing Coach

Carrie is not only whip-smart, savvy, and insightful, she is kind, generous, and real. A stellar writing coach and human being, she gives me priceless creative and professional guidance, but most of all she gives me hope. Her joyful, honest approach to writing is a bright and guiding light.

Michelle Ames

Stellar Writing Coach

Julie Herman

Encouraging Feedback

I met Carrie through an online course offered through the Writing Barn. She was a thorough reader of our work, giving both positive and encouraging feedback. Any fixes she offered were on point and gently given. I felt that my writing grew significantly during the time I spent under her wing.

Stefanie Chou

MAKES IT EASY

I’ve worked with Carrie on multiple novels and she is a wonderful mentor! She is a great teacher and provides excellent feedback with examples, allowing me to learn and grow as a writer. She usually responds with feedback quicker than the agreed time, which is always nice. The best thing about Carrie though is that she is so encouraging. Sometimes it’s hard to have your work critiqued, but Carrie makes it easy. She is so good at heaping on praise while also giving constructive feedback, so it makes you excited to revise, rather than want to give up. I highly recommend her!

Lauren Haynes

EXPLORE YOUR STORY’S SOUL

It is a blessing Carrie is willing to share her insights and talents with others, because she is a powerhouse of a coach who pushes you to be the best writer you can be. There were times where I was so frustrated with my novel I felt like quitting, and Carrie pulled me from the bog of eternal revisions and dead-ends into a place of hope. She invigorated me to write and write better. Carrie inspired my growth as a writer and a person. She showed me it’s okay (actually, it’s great) to embrace my quirkiness. She tore down walls I didn’t know I had built and gave me the foundation to be a confident writer with direction.

Her feedback centers on developing your authentic voice. She doesn’t try to make you write like anyone else and applauds your uniqueness. She encourages you to push boundaries and explore the soul of your story. She is extremely attentive to character development and plot structure, as well as how those elements resonate with the intended audience and reveal the author’s purpose. She celebrates powerful writing with specific feedback on what works and why it works just as often as she advises on revisions to improve the story. She asks meaningful questions, offers clear examples, and supplies diverse resources to provoke the author to transform their stories in ways they may never have otherwise. She has an innate sense of the heart of a story and digs into its core as if the writing were her own.

I could not more strongly recommend Carrie as a writing coach, because she cares fiercely about your writing, works tirelessly to improve your story, and nurtures you as a writer. She is the coach, the cheerleader, and the team all in one. If you want to get out of your rut or become a better writer, Carrie is the person you want to have by your side.

Wendi Kepplinger

Shrinks Fear

Carrie has a gift of encouragement in its truest sense–she searches for what is good in a writer and grows it, she provides perspective that shrinks fear back to size, and she nourishes the kind of confidence and hope so vital for a creative work. Even her criticism is gently done. She is also unfailingly funny! Her comments keep discussions fun and light and create a safe space for people to share and grow. It is clear that she cares and wants our books to succeed.

Cathy Carr

Gentle Encouragement and an Occasional Kick in the Pants

One of the things I enjoyed the most about working with Carrie is that she helped me write the book I wanted to write, not the book she would have preferred I write, or the book she would written in my place. She was vested in helping me express my vision as a writer and as a human being.

One special thing about Carrie as a writing coach and teacher is her understanding of writing psychology. She’s well familiar with the pits of uncertainty and the swamps of despondency a writer can step into, and seems to know just the right thing to say to get the struggling person going again, from gentle encouragement to straight-ahead course correction to even the occasional kick in the pants.

Trista Wilson

A Light for Other Writers

When working with Carrie, I can feel that she is genuinely invested in helping me make my writing the very best it can be. She freely shares her own writing experiences, including the struggles, which helps me not feel alone in those tough moments. She is so positive and encouraging while also giving very specific and thoughtful feedback to help my writing shine. Carrie is truly a light for other writers.

Patti Brown

Positive and Uplifting and Funny

I have known Carrie Jones for many years, and I’ve now had the pleasure of working with her in a professional capacity. Carrie was my writing coach through the WRITE, SUBMIT, SUPPORT program at The Writing Barn.

As a coach and support person, she was phenomenal. I greatly appreciated Carrie’s enthusiasm towards me and the other students. She took the time to know each of us. She was positive and uplifting in her messages, and funny, too!

Carrie is also a skilled writing teacher, honing in on the subtlest of details while also keeping the big picture of the story in view. She found the deficits in my story and was able to provide suggestions for solutions without being negative. She understands the difficulty writers encounter in this business and is always ready to help–whether by lifting our spirits or providing resources. I enjoyed having Carrie as my coach and I would highly recommend her to other writers.

Sara Crawford

By Far One of the Best

I was in the Write. Submit. Support class from The Writing Barn that was led by Carrie, and it was exactly what I needed. I’ve worked with a lot of different writing teachers and mentors in college classes, my MFA program, a playwriting apprenticeship, and various workshops and residencies, and Carrie was by far one of the best. Her feedback on my writing was extremely helpful but also encouraging and uplifting. She gave us a lot of thought-provoking and beneficial information in the monthly classes that helped me to see my writing from a different perspective. Every month, after our classes or after I received notes from her, I was inspired not only to write and improve my craft but to create in general–to write fiction, to write songs, to write plays, and to write content that would help other creative people and artists.

I also love how supportive Carrie is. She takes the time to really listen to you, encourage you, and support you, no matter where you are in your writing career or what your goals are. I also appreciate that she understands that everyone’s publishing path is different, and I was so grateful that I could turn to her for advice and support as I had to make some difficult decisions about my own career. I miss WSS now that the class is ofter, but fortunately, Carrie continues to produce informative and uplifting content for creatives every day–from her blog posts to her podcasts to her motivational thoughts posted alongside adorable dog photos on social media–and she inspires me to do the same. For anyone looking for a writing mentor/teacher/coach, I can’t recommend Carrie enough.