Potato Cheddar Soup of Bad Dialogue

“Your dialogue is bad.”

Ugh.

It’s possibly the best most comforting soup and one of the most annoying criticisms an author can hear. Combined.

I hope you like it!

Print Recipe
Potato Cheddar Soup of Bad Dialogue
Cooking With a Writer - Cheddar Potato Soup of Bad Dialogue #writing #cooking
Course soup
Cuisine american
Servings
Ingredients
Course soup
Cuisine american
Servings
Ingredients
Cooking With a Writer - Cheddar Potato Soup of Bad Dialogue #writing #cooking
Instructions
  1. Boil the water.
  2. Ignore the agent's beta reader who said your dialogue was forced. HAS SHE EVER LEFT HER HOUSE? It's Covid-19 time. Everybody's dialogue is forced.
  3. Make sure you're boiling the water in the soup pot.
  4. Once the water is boiling (like your temper. Bad dialogue? Seriously), add potatoes, onions, salt and celery.
  5. Put a cover on that soup pot. Put it on medium heat because if things boil over it gets messy. (This includes your temper.)
  6. Leave it for 15 minutes.
  7. Write some dialogue. "I hate you with the passion of a thousand kitty mugs, Dirk." "And I love you, Karen, with the love of a thousand social media posts never gone viral."
  8. Find another pot, maybe a saucepan, the kind that holds two quarts.
  9. In that pot melt the butter. Make that a low heat. Butter burns just like criticism over dialogue.
  10. Add in a really slow way the cheese. Add flour next.
  11. Now slowly add the milk, spices, herbs and use a whisk.
  12. Practice dialogue on the whisk.
  13. "I love you with the love of a million political pundits," you tell the whisk.
  14. "And I you," says the whisk. "Which means I love you not at all."
  15. There! That was good, right?
  16. When it is all blended, add the cheese to the potatoes and onions in the big pot.
  17. Add tomatoes.
  18. Stir it all up.
  19. Put it on super low heat for fifteen minutes. This time do not have the cover on.
  20. Stir a lot because cheese, butter, and flour like to burn.
  21. Done!
  22. Go buy a book on writing effective dialogue and eat your pain away.
Recipe Notes

This is taken from my favorite vegetarian cookbook of my youth, Horn of the Moon Cookbook by Ginny Callan and it got me through many sad times. It's super comforting. 

Party in Your Mouth, Broccoli Meet Cheddar Soup

Print Recipe
Cheddar Meet Broccoli Soup
Yum
Broccoli Meet Cheddar Soup
Course soup
Cuisine american
Prep Time 15 minutes
Cook Time 40 minutes
Passive Time what? is passive?
Servings
people
Ingredients
Course soup
Cuisine american
Prep Time 15 minutes
Cook Time 40 minutes
Passive Time what? is passive?
Servings
people
Ingredients
Broccoli Meet Cheddar Soup
Instructions
  1. Find a skillet. Tell it hello. Put 1 tbsp of butter inside it and put the burner on medium heat
  2. Put the onions in the skillet and saute them until you can almost see through them, which is about 5 minutes
  3. Set that aside.
  4. Think about how much it sucks to be set aside and think about friendship because you are cooking and have to think versus scrolling down a newsfeed or something or looking at cat memes
  5. In a saucepan whisk the rest of the butter and the flour together on medium-low heat. Cook this until the flour isn't grainy any more. Don't let it burn. This should take about 3 minutes.
  6. Flour and butter are so different yet they become good recipe friends, don't they?
  7. Think about your friends. Wonder if you are the flour or the butter? Do you stick to people's hands? Do you make everything more tasty but are bad for the lactose intolerant? This are big questions worthy of a Buzzfeed quiz, "Which U.S.A. Basic Cooking Ingredient Are You?"
  8. Slowly pour the milk into the Flutter (That's my ship name for Flour and Butter). Whisk constantly as Flutter becomes a threesome of friendship - MiFlutter.
  9. Decide you are too clever for words.
  10. Stir in the stock. Simmer it. Cook it until it is thicker - about 15 minutes.
  11. It's time for a real Food Friend Party!!! Add broccoli and carrots, the ghostly onion, the smiling celery. Simmer for about another 15 minutes.
  12. Add the cheese. Cheese might seem late to the party, but man, that girl gets into it. Stir here in there until she sticks to all the other partiers and she's melted in. Season with pepper and salt. Enjoy the party in your mouth!

My mom was a firm believer that if you were going to eat vegetables that were green then you needed to cover them with a Velveeta sauce. She was also a firm believer that the only vegetables that shouldn’t ALWAYS come from a can were:

cucumber

lettuce

corn

She was not a big veggie person, my mom. But she did love broccoli cheddar soup because it’s cheese sauce on a vegetable masquerading as soup.

It was a big hit here. I riffed off a recipe by gildawen on the all recipes site. I found it to get thick pretty quickly, much like my waistline.

Man Verdict: THAT IS NOT A SERVING SIZE.

My Verdict: My one serving was delicious.

Dogs’ Verdict: The man ate THREE SERVINGS and we got none. That is so unfair, you should give us dog treats immediately to make up for this great injustice.


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