Stuff that Cauliflower, Baby

Okay. Apparently, I FAILED TO PUBLISH this post yesterday because…. Thanksgiving and I was a little flustered. But here you go… A Thursday cooking post on a Friday. Sorry! 

It’s Thanksgiving post. And um…. it’s pretty dialed in, honestly because HE WHO ONLY EATS MEAT is being needy and um… holiday. And Gabby the Dog is barking a lot.

So, in honor of stuffing turkeys, I’m bringing you this SUPER EASY recipe where you take whatever stuffing you have and shove it in a cauliflower. I know! I know! Way to sell it, Carrie.

But it’s good. I promise. And even if it all breaks apart? It’s still really good – it’s just not pretty that way.

I hope you have a lovely day where you are thankful for the shared values that everyone in this country holds, things like togetherness, giving to others, sharing our stories and being grateful for what we have. Remember the stories and narratives we’ve been told about this holiday aren’t exactly true, but maybe we can start creating a new narrative – a story of unity and generosity – and carry that forward. It’s time.

Shout Out – This recipe is adapted from the much better recipe from the Food Network. They mention no uncles and actually make their own stuffing. I know! I know! Amazing.

 

Stuff that Cauliflower Recipe

Because it’s Thanksgiving and you have to stuff something. 

  • 1 big head of cauliflower (2.5 lbs – 3 lbs)
  • a lot of pre-made stuffing (like you've already made it)
  • 1/2 cup breadcrumbs (enough to spread on the cauliflower's outside)
  • 2 TBSP butter
  1. Okay. Look. It’s Thanksgiving. You aren’t supposed to talk politics, but you’re a writer. You don’t know how not to talk politics. Go and find a 1-gallon resealable freezer bag of the plastic kind.

  2. Don’t think about how plastic is bad for the environment. You have enough to deal with right now because…. relatives and politics and Thanksgiving. 

  3. Turn on the stove to 400 Fahrenheit. Put the rack in the center of the stove. Find a baking sheet. Put parchment on that sheet. 

    Don’t get mad at the uncle who says that writers shouldn’t tweet about politics. Okay. Whatever. Get mad. 

  4. Look at your cauliflower. It’s so pretty. It’s like a brain. It’s like an uncle’s brain. Imagine this and you take the stem out. Try not to cut ANY STALK or ANY STEMS. Imagine you’re a doctor fixing your uncle’s brain so he’s nice. 

  5. Find a pot. Fill the pot with salted water and boil that brain – I mean cauliflower – for about 7 minutes. Don’t cook it too long or it will break when you stuff it with good political thoughts – I mean stuffing. 

  6. Take the cauliflower from the pot. Drain. Cool. Ignore your uncle when he says that being a vegetarian is an act of violence against the meat farmers of the country and un-American. Go find the wine.

  7. Wine is not in the recipe but it doesn’t matter. Find the wine. Drink the wine while the cauliflower is cooling. Distract uncle by mentioning football. 

  8. Put your already made stuffing into the bag. Cut a hole (3/4-inch) in a corner. 

    Take that cauliflower and put it stem-side up.

    Pipe filling in the holes between the florets. Push it down with your fingers. FILL THE HOLES WITH STUFFING and PRETEND THAT STUFFING IS KNOWLEDGE AND POLITICAL VIEWS THAT AGREE WITH YOUR OWN. 

    Wonder if you had too much wine. 

    Fill every single hole with stuffing. Your cauliflower will look weird. Your uncle always says ‘you look weird.’ Don’t care. 

    Put that cauliflower on the baking sheet, stem side should be down.

  9. Brush butter  on outside of the cauliflower brain. Sprinkle with salt. 

    Sprinkle with bread crumbs. 

    Bake until the cauliflower about 40 minutes. Cauliflower will be soft. Breadcrumbs will be brown.

    Cool 10 minutes.

    Slice into wedges. Serve to everyone even your uncle. 

The Man’s Verdict – How is this supposed to serve four people?

My Verdict – Normal people aren’t 6-6, buddy and don’t have your caloric needs. Also, this is yummy.

The Dog’s Verdict – It would be better with bones.

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