You can preorder this bad boy, which might make it have a sequel. The sequel would be amazing. Believe me, I know. It features caves and monsters and love. Because doesn’t every story?
HEAR MY BOOK BABY (AND MORE) ON PATREON
On February first, I launched my Patreon site where I’m reading chapters (in order) of a never-published teen fantasy novel, releasing deleted scenes and art from some of my more popular books. And so much more. Come hang out with me! Get cool things!
WHAT IS PATREON?
A lot of you might be new to Patreon and not get how it works. That’s totally cool. New things can be scary, but there’s a cool primer HERE that explains how it works. The short of it is this: You give Patreon your paypal or credit card # and they charge you whatever you level you choose at the end of each month. That money supports me sharing my writing and art and podcasts and weirdness with you.
HELP US AND DO AN AWESOME GOOD DEED
Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness on the DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE podcast as we talk about random thoughts, writing advice and life tips. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of. Please share it and subscribe if you can. Please rate and like us if you are feeling kind, because it matters somehow. There’s a new episode every Tuesday!
Sometimes, I have days when I want to scream, “RAH!!!” Today is like that.
This is for a bunch of reasons including someone saying, “Wow. You look tired.”
Me: Thanks? I am?
Anyway, as you know, I’m trying to convince the household to eat less meat. The household is stubborn.
Me: Hey! We’re having Ramen tonight.
The Man: RAH! MAN! RAH! I MAN! I EAT RAMEN!
Dogs run off.
Man beats chest.
Me: Who even are you?
Man: I ate ramen forever. I was raised on ramen. I love ramen. Where are the spice packs?
Me: No! No! We aren’t using the spice packs. Those have animal byproducts.
Man: Why must you ruin all that is holy?
I was sad when I was making this recipe. You can tell.
3 TBSP vegetable or canola oil
1 whole onion (any color, but yellow is best here)
1 big leek
5 cloves garlic (chopped or minced)
1 3-inch ginger (peeled, chopped)
1 oz dried mushrooms (preferably shiitake)
1 lb sweet potato (peeled, chopped)
1 whole head garlic (NO VAMPIRES HERE, BABY)
1 lb shitake mushroom (cleaned, sliced)
soy or tamari sauce (to taste)
1.5 lb ramen noodles (fresh if possible)
.25 cup miso (white or yellow kind)
5 green onions (chopped to look pretty)
Find a large saucepan, empty it of your tears and put it on medium-high heat.
Put 2 tablespoons of oil in that saucepan. Get it so it isn’t cold, like the heart of villain.
Realize it’s really your heart that’s cold.
Add the onions. Put some salt on top. DO NOT TOUCH THE ONIONS. Leave them there for 5 minutes until they are brown.
Realize the onions are the book that you’ve been working on for 27 years and still doesn’t feel done. Realize that tweaking your book is like stirring the onions. You can’t resist. Wait for five minutes to pass.
YOU CAN STIR THINGS NOW! Add leek, garlic, dried mushrooms, ginger, 6 cups of water. This will deglaze the pan if you stir and scrape up the bits. Do that.
Turn the heat down. It’s too intense here, just like your plot.
Put the heat on medium-low.
Realize you feel medium low.
Partially cover the pan and let it be for an hour. A WHOLE HOUR!
Procrastinate for an hour.
Don’t do any real work or revision or anything else.
Preheat oven to 400 F.
Put sweet potatoes on a baking sheet. Drizzle oil on them. Toss them so the oil is distributed.
Find a head of garlic. Cut off the top of its head. Imagine he’s a writing expert telling you to kill your darlings. Drizzle oil on it and wrap it up in foil. Put it on the pan.
Put the pan in the oven and close the door. Stir it once in awhile. Cook until it’s tender.
BACK TO THE STOVE! An hour has passed! You’ve got this.
Strain the broth through a sieve and get rid of all the solid bits. KEEP THE BROTH!
Realize this is like ‘killing your darlings’ like all those writing experts always say. Wonder if writing experts know that they are annoying.
Find a blender. Free it of left over smoothie. Instead squeeze the garlic cloves into that bad boy.
Add 1/3 cup of sweet potatoes.
Add 1/2 cup broth that you saved.
Puree until it’s smooth.
Add it to the big bunch of broth.
Find a saucepan and put it on medium heat.
Add oil that’s left.
Add mushrooms. Cook them for about five minutes or until tender.
Season to your liking.
Add tamari or soy sauce.
Reduce to low.
Cover partially and cook until it’s warm.
Is it warm?
Are you warm?
Whisk in that miso of awesome.
Take your noodles (cooked if dry!) Put them in bowls. Put the broth over it.
Top it with sweet potatoes.
Sprinkle with green onions.
Marvel at your creation.
It wasn’t that bad, was it?
This is derived from a recipe from Cooking Light.
Dog Verdict: WHERE IS THE BACON? We like sweet potato okay though. But… it’s not… you know… bacon.
Man Verdict: This would be better with bacon, honestly, or at least the spice packs full of MSG and other goodness.
Carrie Verdict: Writers need love. Ramen is love.
*P.S. My writer brain was too tired to do the actual math to count the calories for this. I am so sorry.
I’ll be at Book Expo America on June 1 at the Lerner booth from 11:30-12.
There’s a free information and inspiration session from Write! Submit! Support!, a six-month intensive program through the Writing Barn.
It’s a one-day only thing just to hang out and learn about the program. I swear! No weirdness involved at all. More info is here.
TIME STOPPERS THE MIDDLE GRADE SERIES OF AWESOME
Time Stoppers’s third book comes out this summer. It’s been called a cross between Harry Potter and Percy Jackson, but with heart. It takes place in Acadia National Park in Bar Harbor, Maine. I need to think of awesome ways to promote it because this little book series is the book series of my own middle grade heart. Plus, I wrote it for the Emster. Plus, it is fun.
Dogs Are Smarter Than People
And finally, the podcast DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE is still chugging along. Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of.