Chocolate Caramel Bars To Fight Sorrow In Case You Might Not Get A Birthday Cake or Whatever…

may be secretly terrified that nobody makes me a birthday cake for tomorrow, but I don’t want to admit this fear or bake my own in case someone else gets me one. Hint. Hint.

Print Recipe
Chocolate Caramel Bars To Fight Sorrow
Cooking With a Writer Presents the Best Chocolate Caramel Bars To Fight Sorrow Recipe ever to clog your arteries and give you joy.
Prep Time 25 minutes
Cook Time 25 minutes
Servings
servings
Ingredients
Prep Time 25 minutes
Cook Time 25 minutes
Servings
servings
Ingredients
Cooking With a Writer Presents the Best Chocolate Caramel Bars To Fight Sorrow Recipe ever to clog your arteries and give you joy.
Instructions
  1. Okay. Let's say it's almost your birthday and you're worried that nobody is going to remember or make the effort to make you a cake. YOU ARE A WRITER! You can do anything and deal with any outcome. You will make cake bars and that way you aren't making your own cake, but you also get to celebrate your birthday with sugar. SO TURN THE OVEN ON 350 Fahrenheit.
  2. Do not cry.
  3. Making cakes is just not some people's love language. It's okay. YOU ARE STILL LOVED.
  4. Find a big bowl. Resist the urge to hide in it. Instead combine cake mix, butter and 1/3 cup of milk.
  5. Look at you, gifting yourself with the gift of sugar that will go straight to your already shaking hands. Go writer! You go!
  6. Find an electric mixer, put the speed on medium. Beat that stuff until it feels smooth and you don't want to beat against your chest anymore.
  7. Prepare a baking pan with some sort of non-stick help (a spray, butter, vegetable oil) and then put half the dough you just made on it. Wish that people loved you. Wish that writing books was this easy.
  8. Find a sauce pan and put it on medium low heat. Add caramels and rest of the milk (⅓ cup) and still until it's all melted. Again we want it smooth, unlike actual life with its bumps and holes to fall into. Smooth.
  9. Pour that over the dough in the pan.
  10. Put the nuts on top. Put the chocolate pieces on top. Cheat and eat the chocolate now. Write an ode to chocolate. Worry about global warming's impact on chocolate. Go recycle things and come back and vow not to buy so much.
  11. Feel hopeless.
  12. Eat another piece of chocolate while you still can and then pour the rest of the dough on top of everything. It should be smooth and beautiful.
  13. Put that pan in the stove and bake for 25 minutes. Let it cool. Write. Make it into nice even bars. Eat it while still hoping someone makes you a birthday cake.
Recipe Notes

This recipe was inspired by Midwest Living, which has a ton of recipes on its awesome site, which you should totally check out. 

I may be secretly terrified that nobody makes me a birthday cake for tomorrow, but I don’t want to admit this fear or bake my own in case someone else gets me one. Hint. Hint.

So, I did this instead.

DO NOT JUDGE!

Man Verdict: Have I ever forgotten to get you a birthday cake?

Dog Verdict: Please drop the whole tray.

My Verdict: Almost as good as cake.

Do not believe her. She is a woman who does this to me, her dog.

YouTube

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Here is the link to the mobile app. Our latest episode is below. It’s also on YouTube here.

Chocolate Caramel Bars To Fight Sorrow


Print Recipe


Chocolate Caramel Bars To Fight Sorrow

Cooking With a Writer Presents the Best Chocolate Caramel Bars To Fight Sorrow Recipe ever to clog your arteries and give you joy.

Prep Time 25 minutes
Cook Time 25 minutes

Servings
servings


Ingredients

Prep Time 25 minutes
Cook Time 25 minutes

Servings
servings


Ingredients

Cooking With a Writer Presents the Best Chocolate Caramel Bars To Fight Sorrow Recipe ever to clog your arteries and give you joy.


Instructions
  1. Okay. Let's say it's almost your birthday and you're worried that nobody is going to remember or make the effort to make you a cake. YOU ARE A WRITER! You can do anything and deal with any outcome. You will make cake bars and that way you aren't making your own cake, but you also get to celebrate your birthday with sugar.
    SO TURN THE OVEN ON 350 Fahrenheit.

  2. Do not cry.

  3. Making cakes is just not some people's love language. It's okay. YOU ARE STILL LOVED.

  4. Find a big bowl. Resist the urge to hide in it. Instead combine cake mix, butter and 1/3 cup of milk.

  5. Look at you, gifting yourself with the gift of sugar that will go straight to your already shaking hands. Go writer! You go!

  6. Find an electric mixer, put the speed on medium. Beat that stuff until it feels smooth and you don't want to beat against your chest anymore.

  7. Prepare a baking pan with some sort of non-stick help (a spray, butter, vegetable oil) and then put half the dough you just made on it. Wish that people loved you. Wish that writing books was this easy.

  8. Find a sauce pan and put it on medium low heat. Add caramels and rest of the milk (⅓ cup) and still until it's all melted. Again we want it smooth, unlike actual life with its bumps and holes to fall into. Smooth.

  9. Pour that over the dough in the pan.

  10. Put the nuts on top. Put the chocolate pieces on top. Cheat and eat the chocolate now. Write an ode to chocolate. Worry about global warming's impact on chocolate. Go recycle things and come back and vow not to buy so much.

  11. Feel hopeless.

  12. Eat another piece of chocolate while you still can and then pour the rest of the dough on top of everything. It should be smooth and beautiful.

  13. Put that pan in the stove and bake for 25 minutes. Let it cool. Write. Make it into nice even bars. Eat it while still hoping someone makes you a birthday cake.


Recipe Notes

This recipe was inspired by Midwest Living, which has a ton of recipes on its awesome site, which you should totally check out. 

Buckeye Balls of Easy Land

Print Recipe
Buckeye Ball of Easy Land
Buckeye Balls Of Easy Land
Course dessert
Keyword buckeye
Prep Time 45 minutes
Cook Time 10 minutes
Passive Time 30 minutes
Servings
people
Ingredients
Course dessert
Keyword buckeye
Prep Time 45 minutes
Cook Time 10 minutes
Passive Time 30 minutes
Servings
people
Ingredients
Buckeye Balls Of Easy Land
Instructions
  1. FInd a baking sheet. Line it with wax paper. Think about whether if you were really desperate you could melt crayons and use that. Hope you are never that desperate for wax paper.
  2. Find a bowl. TAKE OFF YOUR BLING! Mix peanuts butter, confectioners' sugar and butter and vanilla WITH YOUR HANDS! Worry that this is way too tactile for you. Think about how clean it is to write fiction compared to this. Vow to never whine about your job again.
  3. Mix that stuff until the dough is smooth-looking like a sleazy man under the dim lights of a hotel bar in a small town in Maine. I don't know where that came from. Worry about your thought process. Does wax paper give off fumes that cause hallucinations or maybe bring up repressed memories? Anyways, shape the dough into little balls. Each should be about 2 teaspoons of dough. Put those balls on the waxed paper and shove it into the refrigerator.
  4. Find the stove. On the stove put water into a pan and make it simmer. Above that simmering pan put a bowl or another pan. In that top pan melt the chocolate with the shortening. Stir it. When it's smooth take it off the stove.
  5. Take the balls out of the fridge. Put toothpicks in the ball. Dip ball into chocolate. Put balls back onto our good friend, wax paper. Do this with every single ball. Put the pan of chocolate balls into the fridge for at least 30 minutes. Rejoice. Try not to think about wax paper shortages, sleazy men in hotel bars, or the fact that your hands are going to forever smell like peanut butter.
Recipe Notes

You can put the toothpicks in the balls before you put them in the fridge or after you take them out.

Don't forget to take the toothpicks out before you give people the buckeyes! 

FULL DISCLOSURE: I am not a baker. I’m more of a cook.

Shaun legitimately just said to me today, “I’ve never seen anyone cook like you. You’re so good.”

And I said, “What about your mom and stuff?

And he paused and said, “Yeah. They were good cooks.”

And I said, “What’s different then?”

And he said, “Well, they follow directions.”

He quickly started laughing because he realized how mean that sounded. So,  we’re still married. 

Anyway. I’m not so good at following directions and baking? Baking usually requires that. So Buckeye Balls are one of my go-to recipes because they are easy.

 I actually took a photo! I know! I know! Shocking! 

Man Verdict: I LOVE THESE.

Dog Verdict: WE LOVE PEANUT BUTTER. NO CHOCOLATE THOUGH.

Me Verdict: These are good, But my hands feel weird. 



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I do art stuff. You can find it and buy a print here. 

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It’s awesome and quirky and fun.

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Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness as we talk about random thoughts, writing advice and life tips. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of. Please share it and subscribe if you can. Please rate and like us if you are feeling kind, because it matters somehow. There’s a new episode every Tuesday!

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