Name: Sweet Potato, Tahini Butter Recipe and I AM NOT LOSING MY DAMN CHILL
Prep time: 10 min
Cook time: 33 min
Yield: 3 people
Ingredients: 3 lb sweet potatoes; 6 TBSP butter, allegedly not salted, (also allegedly at room temperature); .25 cup lime juice (fresh because these people are rich); 2 TBSp tahini (again, rich people); 1 TBSP soy sauce (this is probably why you don't want salted butter); 2 tsp sesame oil, toasted kind (this is also probably why you don't want salted butter); some salt and pepper; some special flaky sea salt; some sesame seeds (toasted)

Sweet Potato Tahini Butter Recipe

Sometimes people are buttheads.

They will mess everything up and then point out your mistakes. They will tell you on social media that you put too many s’s in some word. They will complain to other people that you didn’t invite them to a meeting for a project that your club is doing when they aren’t even in your club.

They will tell you that the world doesn’t need another book about a hamster falling in love with a modem.

And you might want to lose your chill.

Don’t do it.

Eat these instead.

Man Verdict:

DEAR GOD WHY DIDN’T YOU MAKE MORE.

Dog Verdict:

Any sweet potato is a good sweet potato.

My Verdict:

I love these. The end.

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Sweet Potato, Tahini Butter Recipe and I AM NOT LOSING MY DAMN CHILL

This is adapted from the Bon Appetit version. It's much more chill.

Cuisine

vegetarian

Prep Time

10 minutes

Cook Time

33 minutes

Passive Time

30 minutes

Servings

people

Ingredients

3 lb sweet potatoes
6 TBSP butter, allegedly not salted, also allegedly at room temperature
.25 cup lime juice fresh because these people are rich
2 TBSp tahini again, rich people
1 TBSP soy sauce this is probably why you don't want salted butter
2 tsp sesame oil, toasted kind this is also probably why you don't want salted butter
some salt and pepper
some special flaky sea salt
some sesame seeds toasted

Cuisine

vegetarian

Prep Time

10 minutes

Cook Time

33 minutes

Passive Time

30 minutes

Servings

people

Ingredients

3 lb sweet potatoes
6 TBSP butter, allegedly not salted, also allegedly at room temperature
.25 cup lime juice fresh because these people are rich
2 TBSp tahini again, rich people
1 TBSP soy sauce this is probably why you don't want salted butter
2 tsp sesame oil, toasted kind this is also probably why you don't want salted butter
some salt and pepper
some special flaky sea salt
some sesame seeds toasted

Instructions

Haters got to hate, right? But you can make something delicious and rejoice, writer. Nope. I'm not talking about a subtweet. I'm talking about sweet potatoes.
Let's get started with our Sweet Potato Revenge. Boil water in a pot that can hold a steamer basket big enough to hold sweet potatoes.
Half the sweet potatoes. Imagine they are the heads of your enemies. No. Don't do that. That's gory.
Put the halved potato heads into the steamer. Cover the pot. Lower the heat to medium. STEAM THOSE HEADS!!! Cackle. Steam them until they are tender when stabbed multiple times with a fork.
Try not to stab them multiple times unless you really really really need to.
Okay, when that scary stuff is happening on the stove, take some calming breaths in through your nose. Now rejoice because you get to smash the lime juice with the butter, tahini, sesame oil and soy sauce. SMASH IT! HULK SMASH IT! Smash it until it's smooth.
This should take three minutes. If you are smashing for more than three minutes, you might want to call a friend to vent to or maybe just write a dramatic poem about your hater. That's chill. That's using the emotion for art. You are so cool.
Put a ton of salt (non flaky) and pepper on the butter that is not officially tahini butter.
Think about how your hater doesn't get to eat this deliciousness. Maybe cackle softly again.
Take the potatoes (carefully) out of the steamer. Put those potatoes on a large plate. Let them cool down so you don't get hurt.
Once those potatoes are chilled out enough then cut the sections in half. Spread the butter all over it.
Put sea salt and then sesame seeds on it. Add some lime wedges. You are beautiful. Eat.

Red Curry Rice of Revision Hell

This recipe is adapted from the fantastic Cookie and Kate

Red Curry Rice of 197,000-word picture books

Cuisine

vegetarian

Servings

people

Ingredients

1.25 cups brown jasmine rice or long-grain brown rice, rinsed
1 tbsp coconut oil
1 cup chopped, white onion
1 TBSp finely grated fresh ginger
3 cloves garlic less if you aren't into garlic, you vampire
1 whole red pepper sliced into skinny 2-inch long strips
1 whole yellow pepper sliced into skinny 2-inch long strips
1 cup carrots peeled, diagonally sliced into ¼-inch thick
2 tbsp red curry paste
14 ounces coconut milk full-on fatty kind
.5 cup water
1.5 cup kale thinly sliced
1.5 teaspoons sugar
1 tbsp soy sauce
2 tsp lime juice
pinch of salt

Cuisine

vegetarian

Servings

people

Ingredients

1.25 cups brown jasmine rice or long-grain brown rice, rinsed
1 tbsp coconut oil
1 cup chopped, white onion
1 TBSp finely grated fresh ginger
3 cloves garlic less if you aren't into garlic, you vampire
1 whole red pepper sliced into skinny 2-inch long strips
1 whole yellow pepper sliced into skinny 2-inch long strips
1 cup carrots peeled, diagonally sliced into ¼-inch thick
2 tbsp red curry paste
14 ounces coconut milk full-on fatty kind
.5 cup water
1.5 cup kale thinly sliced
1.5 teaspoons sugar
1 tbsp soy sauce
2 tsp lime juice
pinch of salt

Instructions

Cook that jasmine rice. Worry that it isn't the right rice. Worry you aren't the right writer to cook it. Boil it in a pot of water for 30 minutes. Don't let it overflow like your 197,000-word picture book about anarchy.
Drain. Put it back in the pot. Let it rest for 10 minutes or more. Fluff it up when it's time. All works need a good fluffer.
Wonder how you can possibly chop 196,000 words out of your brilliant picture book so that it's the appropriate publishing-industry 'approved' length. Sob as you put a big skillet on medium heat.
When it's hot, add the oil.

Wonder if you can even judge this if you can't manage to cut a mere five words out of your picture book, the ABC's of ANARCHY.
Throw in the onion, some salt. Stir a lot. Stir for 5 minutes. Cry. Why do no publishers understand that children under three are indeed ready for your picture book and can read things that long and sustain attention.
Add garlic, ginger, cook 30 seconds. Continue stirring.
All you do is stir.
The man is making you stir, isn't he? He also created those picture book rules.
To heck with the man. You'll self publish it. You don't need to cut or revise. You don't need the man.
Put the peppers and carrots in. Cook for 5 minutes. Add curry past. Cook for two minutes
Feel happy that you don't have to revise.
Keep adding on words. I mean ingredients. Add kale, water, coconut milk, sugar.

Keep stirring.

Make it simmer and then lower that heat to keep it gentle but not too harsh. Just like the voice in your picture book. This should take between 5-10 minutes. You get to decide when it's ready. LOOK AT THAT POWER! Feel powerful. You are in charge of your destiny!
Take it off the stove. Add soy sauce and juice. Add salt. If it's too mellow add more soy sauce. Serve it with that fluffy rice and rejoice!

Brood Me Up – Cheese Daisies Recipe

Brood Me Up - Cheese Daisies

Cheese Daisies are amazing. The end. This recipe is adapted from Charleston Receipts.

Prep Time

30 minutes

Cook Time

12 minutes

Passive Time

30 minutes of chilling

Servings

people

Ingredients

3/4 cup butter
1.5 cups sharp cheddar grated like a boss
1/4 cup Parmesan cheese grated like another boss
1/8 teaspoon red pepper
1.5 cups flour
1 teaspoon salt

Prep Time

30 minutes

Cook Time

12 minutes

Passive Time

30 minutes of chilling

Servings

people

Ingredients

3/4 cup butter
1.5 cups sharp cheddar grated like a boss
1/4 cup Parmesan cheese grated like another boss
1/8 teaspoon red pepper
1.5 cups flour
1 teaspoon salt

Instructions

Writers are supposed to be brooding. Let us brood
Cream that butter and then cream the butter and cheeses together. Pretend it is everyone who ever told you that writers were supposed to brood.
They don't define you. You define you.
Sift flour with salt and pepper. Look at the grains clutch each other like a happy writer community. Add it into the creamed stuff.
Writer communities are made up of all kind of writers with all kind of differences, damn it. And some of us are not brooding.
Repeat after me as you chill for a half hour, "Writers can be happy. Writers can be happy."
Once the dough is chill and you are chill (30 minutes) take it out of the chilling place and roll it out.
Use a small biscuit cutter and feel good about it. Make some of them less uniform because EVERYTHING DOES NOT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE THE SAME!
Regain your chill.
Spray a sheet pan. But the cheese daisies into the oven that's at 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Cook for 12 minutes.
Eat all the servings. Be happy.

Hey! I’ve been thinking about writer stereotypes and how we’re all supposed to be brooding and it made me brood! No. It’s just annoying.

This recipe is old, old, old and Shaun insists it’s Southern.

Who knows? I just know it’s adorable because it has the word ‘daisies’ in it.

I hope you like it!

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