Hash That Cauliflower, Baby

Cauliflower Hash Recipe
Cauliflower Hash Recipe

This baby is a no-brainer in my quest to make the family eat less meat.

Why?

Because when you mash up a cauliflower? It’s almost like a potato or something. It becomes magical.

This super easy recipe is perfect for my little magical family. I hope it’s perfect for yours, too.

This recipe is completely adapted from An Edible Mosaic.

Print Recipe
Hash That Cauliflower, Baby
Writers like to hack things up. No, wait. That's editors.
Cauliflower Hash Recipe
Cuisine vegetarian
Keyword cauliflower
Prep Time 10 minutes
Cook Time 12 minutes
Passive Time none we are not passive
Servings
humans
Ingredients
Cuisine vegetarian
Keyword cauliflower
Prep Time 10 minutes
Cook Time 12 minutes
Passive Time none we are not passive
Servings
humans
Ingredients
Cauliflower Hash Recipe
Instructions
  1. FIND A SKILLET. Is the house to messy? Did you find one? PUT THE OIL IN THE SKILLET AND TURN THE BURNER ON MEDIUM HEAT.
  2. Is the oil sort of medium heatness? Good. PUT THOSE CAULIFLOWER TREES in there. DO NOT STIR! DO NOT TOUCH IT! I know. I know. This is hard. Distract yourself from your need to stir by using your writer imagination. Imagine they are white little trees. Or warts? Why do they look like warts? Rethink this recipe. Rethink cauliflower. Refuse to think and COOK CAULIFLOWER FOR ABOUT 3 MINUTES. It will start to change color a bit.
  3. STIR IT NOW. ADD THE SPICES AND WATER. FIND A COVER TO THE SKILLET! Panic because you forgot about the cover. PUT THE COVER ON TOP. COOK FOR 3-5 minutes. The cauliflower will be tender but not a giant mush.
  4. TAKE THE COVER OFF. TURN THE HEAT TO LOW. ADD THE GARLIC. COOK 2 MINUTES and STIR LIKE YOU HAVE NEVER STIRRED BEFORE! THIS IS YOUR TIME TO STIR! CLAIM IT!
  5. Sorry for the caps lock. I got excited. STIR IN THE LEMON JUICE. Watch it evaporate. This takes less than a minute.
  6. Sprinkle parsley on it. If you aren't really a vegetarian, put a fried egg on there. But... you know...

MAN VERDICT – There is not nearly enough of this.

CARRIE VERDICT – I didn’t get to eat any.

DOG VERDICT – Neither did we!

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Our Write. Submit. Support. (WSS) six-month ONLINE course offers structure and support not only to your writing lives and the manuscripts at hand, but also to the roller coaster ride of submissions: whether that be submitting to agents or, if agented, weathering the submissions to editors.

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Stuff that Cauliflower, Baby

Okay. Apparently, I FAILED TO PUBLISH this post yesterday because…. Thanksgiving and I was a little flustered. But here you go… A Thursday cooking post on a Friday. Sorry! 

It’s Thanksgiving post. And um…. it’s pretty dialed in, honestly because HE WHO ONLY EATS MEAT is being needy and um… holiday. And Gabby the Dog is barking a lot.

So, in honor of stuffing turkeys, I’m bringing you this SUPER EASY recipe where you take whatever stuffing you have and shove it in a cauliflower. I know! I know! Way to sell it, Carrie.

But it’s good. I promise. And even if it all breaks apart? It’s still really good – it’s just not pretty that way.

I hope you have a lovely day where you are thankful for the shared values that everyone in this country holds, things like togetherness, giving to others, sharing our stories and being grateful for what we have. Remember the stories and narratives we’ve been told about this holiday aren’t exactly true, but maybe we can start creating a new narrative – a story of unity and generosity – and carry that forward. It’s time.

Shout Out – This recipe is adapted from the much better recipe from the Food Network. They mention no uncles and actually make their own stuffing. I know! I know! Amazing.

 

Stuff that Cauliflower Recipe

Because it’s Thanksgiving and you have to stuff something. 

  • 1 big head of cauliflower (2.5 lbs – 3 lbs)
  • a lot of pre-made stuffing (like you've already made it)
  • 1/2 cup breadcrumbs (enough to spread on the cauliflower's outside)
  • 2 TBSP butter
  1. Okay. Look. It’s Thanksgiving. You aren’t supposed to talk politics, but you’re a writer. You don’t know how not to talk politics. Go and find a 1-gallon resealable freezer bag of the plastic kind.

  2. Don’t think about how plastic is bad for the environment. You have enough to deal with right now because…. relatives and politics and Thanksgiving. 

  3. Turn on the stove to 400 Fahrenheit. Put the rack in the center of the stove. Find a baking sheet. Put parchment on that sheet. 

    Don’t get mad at the uncle who says that writers shouldn’t tweet about politics. Okay. Whatever. Get mad. 

  4. Look at your cauliflower. It’s so pretty. It’s like a brain. It’s like an uncle’s brain. Imagine this and you take the stem out. Try not to cut ANY STALK or ANY STEMS. Imagine you’re a doctor fixing your uncle’s brain so he’s nice. 

  5. Find a pot. Fill the pot with salted water and boil that brain – I mean cauliflower – for about 7 minutes. Don’t cook it too long or it will break when you stuff it with good political thoughts – I mean stuffing. 

  6. Take the cauliflower from the pot. Drain. Cool. Ignore your uncle when he says that being a vegetarian is an act of violence against the meat farmers of the country and un-American. Go find the wine.

  7. Wine is not in the recipe but it doesn’t matter. Find the wine. Drink the wine while the cauliflower is cooling. Distract uncle by mentioning football. 

  8. Put your already made stuffing into the bag. Cut a hole (3/4-inch) in a corner. 

    Take that cauliflower and put it stem-side up.

    Pipe filling in the holes between the florets. Push it down with your fingers. FILL THE HOLES WITH STUFFING and PRETEND THAT STUFFING IS KNOWLEDGE AND POLITICAL VIEWS THAT AGREE WITH YOUR OWN. 

    Wonder if you had too much wine. 

    Fill every single hole with stuffing. Your cauliflower will look weird. Your uncle always says ‘you look weird.’ Don’t care. 

    Put that cauliflower on the baking sheet, stem side should be down.

  9. Brush butter  on outside of the cauliflower brain. Sprinkle with salt. 

    Sprinkle with bread crumbs. 

    Bake until the cauliflower about 40 minutes. Cauliflower will be soft. Breadcrumbs will be brown.

    Cool 10 minutes.

    Slice into wedges. Serve to everyone even your uncle. 

The Man’s Verdict – How is this supposed to serve four people?

My Verdict – Normal people aren’t 6-6, buddy and don’t have your caloric needs. Also, this is yummy.

The Dog’s Verdict – It would be better with bones.

Writing News

Time Stoppers!

You can order my middle grade fantasy novel Time Stoppers Escape From the Badlands here or anywhere.

People call it a cross between Harry Potter and Percy Jackson but it’s set in Maine. It’s full of adventure, quirkiness and heart.

Timestoppers3_005

I’m WRITING BARN FACULTY AND THERE’S A COURSE YOU CAN TAKE!

I am super psyched to be teaching the six-month long Write. Submit. Support. class at the Writing Barn!

Are you looking for a group to support you in your writing process and help set achievable goals? Are you looking for the feedback and connections that could potentially lead you to that book deal you’ve been working towards?

Our Write. Submit. Support. (WSS) six-month ONLINE course offers structure and support not only to your writing lives and the manuscripts at hand, but also to the roller coaster ride of submissions: whether that be submitting to agents or, if agented, weathering the submissions to editors.

Past Write. Submit. Support. students have gone on to receive representation from literary agents across the country. View one of our most recent success stories here

 

Apply Now!

Moe Berg

The Spy Who Played Baseball is a picture book biography about Moe Berg. And… there’s a movie out now about Moe Berg, a major league baseball player who became a spy. How cool is that?

It’s awesome and quirky and fun.

OUR PODCAST – DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE.

Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness as we talk about random thoughts, writing advice and life tips. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of. Please share it and subscribe if you can. Please rate and like us if you are feeling kind, because it matters somehow. There’s a new episode every Tuesday!

dogs are smarter than people carrie after dark being relentless to get published

Writing Coach

I offer solo writing coach services. For more about my individual coaching, click here.