Cheesy Broccoli of Horror’s Renaissance

Print Recipe
Cheesey Broccoli Minus the Velvet
Cheesey Broccoli Minus the Velvetta because it's expensive and also processed even though it's super delicious. This bad boy is adapted from Dinner At the Zoo
Cheesy Broccoli of Horror's Renaissance
Cuisine american
Prep Time 5 minutes
Cook Time 10 minutes
Passive Time 0 minutes
Servings
cheese lovers
Ingredients
Cuisine american
Prep Time 5 minutes
Cook Time 10 minutes
Passive Time 0 minutes
Servings
cheese lovers
Ingredients
Cheesy Broccoli of Horror's Renaissance
Instructions
  1. Think about how horror is having a renaissance and decide to make all your works in progress about horror somehow. You can do this. Let's start now.
  2. Find a bowl, look at your reflection is that you or shadow you? Is it the demon inside? Ignore this possibility and instead add cheese and corn starch. Combine it until all reflective surfaces are gone.
  3. Put that mixture and evaporated milk into a pan. DO NOT LOOK AT REFLECTIVE SURFACES!
  4. Put it on low heat. Watch the gauge turn it to medium heat. Turn it back to low.
  5. What was that behind you? Nothing. No. Just the cat. Ha! Jump scare.
  6. It was a jump scare, wasn't it?
  7. Realize you might not be cut out to write horror. Stir until cheese has melted like a bad guy's face in an Indiana Jones movie. The sauce should be thick, smooth like blood.
  8. If it's too thick (like maybe your plot?) add more milk.
  9. Use salt and pepper. Don't think you heard the shower turn on.
  10. Did someone whisper, "Too much salt is bad for the heart?"
  11. No. No of course they didn't. Turn off the stove burner. Unplug the stove for good measure. Poor the cheese over the broccoli. Lock the doors.

When I was little (okay all the way through high school), the only way my mom would eat broccoli or cauliflower was if she smothered it in Velveeta cheese mixed with skim milk.

This, of course, would terrify the healthy people of this world.

So, I found a recipe on dinneratthezoo and adapted it. To see the real recipe, check out the link. And let me give a shout-out to that website, which is just beautifully done.

So, what was the verdict in the House That I’m Trying To Make More Vegetarian?

Man Verdict

I miss Velveeta.

Dog Verdict

Are we allowed cheese? Or broccoli?

My Verdict

I miss my mom. This is good though.


WRITING AND OTHER NEWS

IN THE WOODS – READ AN EXCERPT, PREORDER NOW!

My next book, IN THE WOODS, appears in July with Steve Wedel. It’s scary and one of Publisher’s Weekly’s Buzz Books for Summer 2019. There’s an excerpt of it there and everything! But even cooler (for me) they’ve deemed it buzz worthy! Buzz worthy seems like an awesome thing to be deemed!

You can preorder this bad boy, which might make it have a sequel. The sequel would be amazing. Believe me, I know. It features caves and monsters and love. Because doesn’t every story?

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Cheesey Broccoli Minus the Velvetta


Print Recipe


Cheesey Broccoli Minus the Velvet

Cheesey Broccoli Minus the Velvetta because it's expensive and also processed even though it's super delicious.

This bad boy is adapted from Dinner At the Zoo

Cheesy Broccoli of Horror's Renaissance

Cuisine american

Prep Time 5 minutes
Cook Time 10 minutes
Passive Time 0 minutes

Servings
cheese lovers


Ingredients

Cuisine american

Prep Time 5 minutes
Cook Time 10 minutes
Passive Time 0 minutes

Servings
cheese lovers


Ingredients

Cheesy Broccoli of Horror's Renaissance


Instructions
  1. Think about how horror is having a renaissance and decide to make all your works in progress about horror somehow. You can do this. Let's start now.

  2. Find a bowl, look at your reflection is that you or shadow you? Is it the demon inside? Ignore this possibility and instead add cheese and corn starch. Combine it until all reflective surfaces are gone.

  3. Put that mixture and evaporated milk into a pan. DO NOT LOOK AT REFLECTIVE SURFACES!

  4. Put it on low heat. Watch the gauge turn it to medium heat. Turn it back to low.

  5. What was that behind you? Nothing. No. Just the cat. Ha! Jump scare.

  6. It was a jump scare, wasn't it?

  7. Realize you might not be cut out to write horror. Stir until cheese has melted like a bad guy's face in an Indiana Jones movie. The sauce should be thick, smooth like blood.

  8. If it's too thick (like maybe your plot?) add more milk.

  9. Use salt and pepper. Don't think you heard the shower turn on.

  10. Did someone whisper, "Too much salt is bad for the heart?"

  11. No. No of course they didn't. Turn off the stove burner. Unplug the stove for good measure. Poor the cheese over the broccoli.

    Lock the doors.