It’s Halloween season and it’s time, my friends. It is time.
Oh! The Horror! Baked Mashed Potato Witch Fingers (for writers and other weirdos)Course: AppetizersCuisine: vegetarianDifficulty: Easy
Stuff That Goes In It
1 large Russet potato, cooked and mashed
2 tablespoons oil or vegan butter
Salt, to taste
35 skinned and roasted almond halves
1 teaspoon red chili powder or paprika
1/4 teaspoon turmeric (optional)
1/2 tablespoon cornflour (optional)
How to Make It
- Oh, it’s a scary day when you have 35 skinned almond halves, isn’t it? It’s okay. Find a bowl, baby writer. Do not forget to look behind you as you reach into the cupboard. You may never know what’s lurking there.
Is that heavy breathing yours?
Maybe look around the kitchen one more time.
In a bowl, put the mashed potato and oil and salt and cornflour together and mix it all up so none of the evidence (I mean ingredients) are recognizable.
Preheat oven to 400°F. Check first to make sure there aren’t any creepy things in there like zombie heads or you know . . . spiders.
- Find a baking tray, line it with parchment paper. Do not think about how that parchment paper is like skin in that Hannibal Lecter movie.
Take calming breaths.
- Scoop that potato dough out 1 tsp at a time. You’re okay. Was that a noise from the other room? A growl maybe?
Ignore it so the tension increases and now roll that dough in your palms. Shape it so it looks like a finger.
Look over your shoulder.
Jump because every good horror recipe/book/movie needs a jump scare.
- Get the almonds and put one on each of the fingers like it’s a creepy fingernail.
Hear another noise. Check your cell to see if you have coverage. YOU DO NOT HAVE ANY BARS!
Keep cooking so that we have even more tension.
- Put all those fingers on the skin (I mean parchment). Do it till you’re done.
Realize that maybe there’s a vengeful spirit here in your abandoned house where you are the last person cooking who has been waiting an eternity to exact revenge on the time when their mom didn’t let them have any mashed potatoes (which haven’t existed since the beginning of time, but whatever. Horror can have plot holes).
- Look at the fingers. Make knuckle marks with a knife.
Clutch that knife and turn around because you hear creepy whispering.
Aw. There’s nothing there. Awesome!
- Bake those fingers in a 400°F temperature in an oven for 20-30 minutes. Clutch your knife, put your back up against a wall and whimper for awhile as the silverware flies out of the drawers.
Don’t take those fingers out until their bottoms are browned. The insides should be mushy and soft, kind of like yours right now, am I right?
- Take them out of the oven and put them on a wire rack to cool.
Offer them to the ghost. Make friends. Release them from their eternal quest for potatoes. Chill together.
- I found this brilliant, creepy recipe that I’ve adapted over at the fantastic https://www.onegreenplanet.org/vegan-recipe/baked-mashed-potato-witch-fingers/