marriedpodcasters – Carrie Jones Books

What The Heck Do Men Want?

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So, over at the Good Men Project, they have a story called “Five Traits Men Want in a Partner That We Never Say Out Loud.”

As a woman, I (Carrie) find this pretty frustrating. Why do men not say these things aloud?

Paul Marsh of the Good Men Project writes:

Most of us are just terrified of vocalizing what we want and 1) being laughed at or ridiculed in some capacity, 2) not having our desires taken seriously, or 3) not getting whatever it is we’re seeking.

Marsh’s article which is anecdotal and not data-sourced is saying similar things as an earlier article in 2015 by Anthony D’Ambrosio that was in Elite Daily. D’Ambrosio had seven traits/characteristics to Marsh’s five.

Marsh writes:

The world is realizing that, while we’re deeply flawed, men also have a sensitive side, one chock-full of rich emotions that extend beyond those usually associated with us — like anger. Even companies like Old Spice are rolling out scented bodywashes with lavender and other naturally-derived ingredients that have long been associated with femininity.

Here is what Marsh says that men want:

Tenderness
Global listening skills
A kind talker
Respect which he defines as “being considerate about the desires, feelings, and traits of another person
Someone who ‘fights for you.’

D’Ambrosio’s article has reliability and being a best friend on the list as well as being self-aware and a communicator (kind talker and listener). He writes:

Remember: You don’t need a “life partner,” “soulmate,” or “the one” to make you a complete, happy, healthy person. You are enough, all on your own. But if you’re dating someone you love, and you’re wondering if they’re your ever after, look out for these seven traits.

And Also Remember: These articles are massive generalizations. Not all men want the same things. Not all men have a hard time articulating what they want. Difference and diversity are good things. And sometimes articles telling you what men or women or writers want? They can be wrong for some people and right for others.

Writing Tip of the Pod

What does this have to do with writing? Think about your characters and their entanglements. How do they react when other characters aren’t respectful, tender, good listeners or in their corner? Why does it matter to them? Why doesn’t it?

Dog Tip For Life

Be kind. It’s what it’s all about really.

SHOUT OUT

The music we’ve clipped and shortened in this podcast is awesome and is made available through the Creative Commons License. Here’s a link to that and the artist’s website. Who is this artist and what is this song? It’s “Night Owl” by Broke For Free.

Banff, Beer, Balls, and Going to the Dark Side, Baby

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We have a bonus podcast this week and it has swears in it and some adult content, so we’re going to give it an explicit rating even though it’s not super explicit. We’re just chill like that.

The bonus podcast features:

Shaun lying
Banff Film Festival!
Carrie talking about third grader writers. Note: They have their characters rip their own hearts out in stories.
The fact that the word ‘fart’ is a terribly ugly word and Carrie never quote-unquote ‘rips one.’
Bud-Lite

We’re super psyched because this episode is sponsored by Ballsy.

Best sponsorship ever.

And why is that?

Because Ballsy is for fun couples like us who are not into lame gifts for Valentine’s Day and they have a cool gift set just for Valentine’s Day and people like us.

You want this, don’t you?

There’s an I’m Nuts About You gift set and the You’re Incrediballs heart box set.

They are running a promo right now for LOVE DAY and all days, really. The retail price is $less than $50, and the coupon code is for 20% off.

Here is your code for you, our cool listener: DOGS20

It has the word DOG in the code. That’s so cool. Just like you’ll be cool if you give this to your special man for Valentine’s. So go check Ballsy out at ballwash.com

The link to our episode.

Our last regular episode.

Shaun Reveals Why People Divorce. Plus, Hippies and Rotarians.

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This week’s podcast is not our normal format. We drove 27 hours or so this week. Our brains became a bit unglued – Okay. Even more unglued.

But we talk about:

Writing
Divorce
Why People Get Divorced
How By Using Those Metrics We Will Probably Get Divorced
Paying Attention to Other People’s Stories
Rotarians
The Common Ground Fair

SHOUT OUT

WRITING NEWS

IN THE WOODS – READ AN EXCERPT, ORDER NOW!

My new book, IN THE WOODS, is out!

Gasp!

It’s with Steve Wedel. It’s scary and one of Publisher’s Weekly’s Buzz Books for Summer 2019. There’s an excerpt of it there and everything! But even cooler (for me) they’ve deemed it buzz worthy! Buzz worthy seems like an awesome thing to be deemed!

You can order this bad boy, which might make it have a sequel. The sequel would be amazing. Believe me, I know. It features caves and monsters and love. Because doesn’t every story?

ART NEWS

You can buy limited-edition prints and learn more about my art here on my site.

PATREON OF AWESOME

You can get exclusive content, early podcasts, videos, art and listen (or read) never-to-be-officially published writings of Carrie on her Patreon. Levels go from $1 to $100 (That one includes writing coaching and editing for you wealthy peeps).

Check it out here.

WHAT IS PATREON?

A lot of you might be new to Patreon and not get how it works. That’s totally cool. New things can be scary, but there’s a cool primer HERE that explains how it works. The short of it is this: You give Patreon your paypal or credit card # and they charge you whatever you level you choose at the end of each month. That money supports me sharing my writing and art and podcasts and weirdness with you.

Passive Aggressive Much? And How to Become More Awesome in Just 30 Minutes a Day

Over on the random thought part of the podcast, we hear about Carrie being passive-aggressive at the campground bathroom, Shaun sing, and random people at Smokey’s Barbecue and Lobster.

But here is the more intellectual stuff. Um. Slightly more intellectual stuff?

This guy Malcolm Gladwell wrote a book Outliers and in it he outlines his belief that if you practice something for 10,000 hours and do that in a deliberate way, then you’ll become a top performer.

Who are the outliers? They are the best and the brightest.

We don’t want you to freak out over that 10,000 hours bit because that’s like saying, “Hey Shaun, I know you can’t run more than 60 seconds right now, but this Friday you’re going to run for 93 minutes.”

Spoiler alert: Shaun ran for 93-minutes straight on Friday. Carrie did too.

Anyway, this guy named Danny Forest who writes on Medium breaks it down to something that feels a bit more doable. He says that he can learn soft skills in about eight hours and breaks it into working 30 minutes each day on those skills.

That seems a lot better than 10,000 hours, right?

There’s a difference between competence and brilliance, but that half-hour concentrated focus is how so many of us build our skills. Even dogs.

So, inspired by Mr. Forest, the Farrar has three things he wants to learn:

Make movies on Adobe Premiere
Spanish
Stained glass stuff
How to be a better parent

And Carrie also made a list:

Make movies on Adobe Premiere
Make felted paintings
How to self publish
How to draw
How to write travel stories
How to be Anthony Boudrain
Spanish
How to cook in the French style, but also to make kick-butt saltanas and samosas and all things in pockets, basically.

What do you want to learn? To do?

For writing, focusing on writing or reading about writing for a half hour a day is really an essential tip to becoming a better storyteller. You see that advice everywhere and you see other people countering that advice saying to ‘ignore all advice,’ which is also actually advice.

Yes, do your own thing and do what works for you. That should be obvious. But don’t forget that you can’t become a brilliant guitar player if you’ve never picked up a guitar. You have to put in the time.