Morning People, you are on notice.
Seriously, the entire United States is geared towards you and now that the school year (remote learning version thanks to COVID-19) has started, I’ve decided that I just have had enough!
In case you doubt, let me list what heinous crimes you have committed:
1. Made it so school starts at 7:55 a.m.
Yes, that is AM as in AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHFREAKINGAIT’SM-MORNING.
2. Made it so in order to get to school on time, or to get your little people to school on time you must wake up at 6 a.m. (at least)
3. Made it so banks open at 7 and close at 4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4. Give all the dinner specials to EARLY BIRDS!
That is so wrong. It is us late night people who eat up all the leftover food. The early birds already get the fresh stuff.
Those early birds also get the cool graphics that are kind of schmarmy.
They also get the worm. Let me say, I think all worms out there should joinme in my revolt against these Morning People/Early Birds.
Listen up worms! The early birds aren’t just getting you! THEY ARE EATING YOU! It is time to revolt! Leave those tequila bottles and gather up arms!
Oh, wait. You are worms. You don’t have arms. Do you have any fighting abilities whatsoever? What? Oh, you can burrow away. No. That’s not much help, really.
Proof that I am not a morning person:
1. When I woke up this morning my right eye went on strike and refused to open for a half hour, which meant I had to walk around the house using only one eye.
My left eye behaves. She has no gumption and has never gone on strike. I don’t think she’s actually related to me.
2. I fell up the stairs.
3. When I walked the dog, I thought a tree was a person and said hello.
This can kind of be blamed on my right eye.
4. When I went to put my cell phone into my shorts pocket, I actually put in the deodorant!
This means I walked around with deodorant in my shorts.
5. It just took me twenty minutes to remember how to spell deodorant.
And when I just wrote it right there? I spelled it wrong again! Darn it. DEODORANT! You are on NOTICE!
Secret: Oh, no! I am so scared.
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