Okay. Let's say it's almost your birthday and you're worried that nobody is going to remember or make the effort to make you a cake. YOU ARE A WRITER! You can do anything and deal with any outcome. You will make cake bars and that way you aren't making your own cake, but you also get to celebrate your birthday with sugar.
SO TURN THE OVEN ON 350 Fahrenheit.
Do not cry.
Making cakes is just not some people's love language. It's okay. YOU ARE STILL LOVED.
Find a big bowl. Resist the urge to hide in it. Instead combine cake mix, butter and 1/3 cup of milk.
Look at you, gifting yourself with the gift of sugar that will go straight to your already shaking hands. Go writer! You go!
Find an electric mixer, put the speed on medium. Beat that stuff until it feels smooth and you don't want to beat against your chest anymore.
Prepare a baking pan with some sort of non-stick help (a spray, butter, vegetable oil) and then put half the dough you just made on it. Wish that people loved you. Wish that writing books was this easy.
Find a sauce pan and put it on medium low heat. Add caramels and rest of the milk (⅓ cup) and still until it's all melted. Again we want it smooth, unlike actual life with its bumps and holes to fall into. Smooth.
Pour that over the dough in the pan.
Put the nuts on top. Put the chocolate pieces on top. Cheat and eat the chocolate now. Write an ode to chocolate. Worry about global warming's impact on chocolate. Go recycle things and come back and vow not to buy so much.
Eat another piece of chocolate while you still can and then pour the rest of the dough on top of everything. It should be smooth and beautiful.
Put that pan in the stove and bake for 25 minutes. Let it cool. Write. Make it into nice even bars. Eat it while still hoping someone makes you a birthday cake.
This recipe was inspired by Midwest Living, which has a ton of recipes on its awesome site, which you should totally check out.
I am the NYT and internationally-bestselling author of children's books, which include the NEED series, FLYING series, TIME STOPPERS series, DEAR BULLY and other books. I like hedgehogs and puppies and warm places. I have none of these things in my life.
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