Cheesey Broccoli Minus the Velvet
Cheesey Broccoli Minus the Velvetta because it’s expensive and also processed even though it’s super delicious. This bad boy is adapted from Dinner At the Zoo
Servings Prep Time
4cheese lovers 5minutes
Cook Time Passive Time
10minutes 0minutes
Servings Prep Time
4cheese lovers 5minutes
Cook Time Passive Time
10minutes 0minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
  1. Think about how horror is having a renaissance and decide to make all your works in progress about horror somehow. You can do this. Let’s start now.
  2. Find a bowl, look at your reflection is that you or shadow you? Is it the demon inside? Ignore this possibility and instead add cheese and corn starch. Combine it until all reflective surfaces are gone.
  3. Put that mixture and evaporated milk into a pan. DO NOT LOOK AT REFLECTIVE SURFACES!
  4. Put it on low heat. Watch the gauge turn it to medium heat. Turn it back to low.
  5. What was that behind you? Nothing. No. Just the cat. Ha! Jump scare.
  6. It was a jump scare, wasn’t it?
  7. Realize you might not be cut out to write horror. Stir until cheese has melted like a bad guy’s face in an Indiana Jones movie. The sauce should be thick, smooth like blood.
  8. If it’s too thick (like maybe your plot?) add more milk.
  9. Use salt and pepper. Don’t think you heard the shower turn on.
  10. Did someone whisper, “Too much salt is bad for the heart?”
  11. No. No of course they didn’t. Turn off the stove burner. Unplug the stove for good measure. Poor the cheese over the broccoli. Lock the doors.