Sometimes, you just have to make biscuits. Sometimes, you don’t want to buy a whole big thing of buttermilk to make biscuits. This, my friend, is why God created plain yogurt.
Biscuits Without Buttermilk, Baby
Okay, writers. Are you ready? You can do this.
Find your oven. Put the rack to the second lowest place it can be in the oven. Close the door. Turn the oven onto 400-degrees Fahrenheit. Think about the word Fahrenheit. Darn that is such a fun word.
Say it a few times for fun, "Fahrenheit. Fahrenheit. Fahrenheit." Start singing it.
Continue singing as you sift flour into a bowl. While you add sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt, turn that chant into a song. Give it a Billie Eilish vibe as you whisk for about 1 minute.
Realize you should not write Russian-sized novels and should be a songwriter instead. That would be cool, right?
Imagine accepting your Grammy for songwriting as you add the butter.
Smash the butter cubes. Make them flat. Do not make your song flat, that would be depressing.
Rub and smash and mix that butter until it has almost completely disappeared - like your dreams of a Pulitzer. It's okay. You have Grammy dreams now.
Get the yogurt out of the fridge and add it. Let the flour take it into its mix. Does it look dry? DO NOT STRESS. Mix it until it all comes together like a really tight band singing your Fahrenheit song.
Is it kind of a ball now? Good. Put it on a surface that you've sprinkled some flour on.
Make that dough kind of square. Make it 1/2 inch thick. Sing more. Fold the square in half. Fold it two more times. Pat it like you're patting the bunny and that bunny is now only ¾ inch thick. Cut those babies into 1 3/4-inch circles.
THINK OF A BISCUIT SONG! That could be your second hit. Decide to call it, "Butter my Biscuit as you put the dough circles in a 10-inch cast iron skillet.
Put it in the oven for 20 minutes. Rest for 5 minutes. During that time go buy songwriting software even though you were too cheap to buy buttermilk, you writing dork, you. Enjoy the carbs!
This wonderful recipe was adapted from Serious Eats and Stella Parks, who is a genius and has a much easier to follow version and all sorts of good stuff. You should check them out and also eat biscuits