Sometimes, you just have to refry things in a crockpot. Okay? Don’t judge. I’m from New England. We like our crockpots.
Also, please buy my baby novella.
NEW BOOK ALERT!
My little novella (It’s spare. It’s sad) is coming out October 1 and if you pre-order it now, you can get the Ebook for .99 before the price goes up to $2,99. It is a book of my heart and I am so worried about it, honestly.
Carrie Jones Books is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com
Cook that jasmine rice. Worry that it isn't the right rice. Worry you aren't the right writer to cook it. Boil it in a pot of water for 30 minutes. Don't let it overflow like your 197,000-word picture book about anarchy.
Drain. Put it back in the pot. Let it rest for 10 minutes or more. Fluff it up when it's time. All works need a good fluffer.
Wonder how you can possibly chop 196,000 words out of your brilliant picture book so that it's the appropriate publishing-industry 'approved' length. Sob as you put a big skillet on medium heat.
When it's hot, add the oil.
Wonder if you can even judge this if you can't manage to cut a mere five words out of your picture book, the ABC's of ANARCHY.
Throw in the onion, some salt. Stir a lot. Stir for 5 minutes. Cry. Why do no publishers understand that children under three are indeed ready for your picture book and can read things that long and sustain attention.
The man is making you stir, isn't he? He also created those picture book rules.
To heck with the man. You'll self publish it. You don't need to cut or revise. You don't need the man.
Put the peppers and carrots in. Cook for 5 minutes. Add curry past. Cook for two minutes
Feel happy that you don't have to revise.
Keep adding on words. I mean ingredients. Add kale, water, coconut milk, sugar.
Make it simmer and then lower that heat to keep it gentle but not too harsh. Just like the voice in your picture book. This should take between 5-10 minutes. You get to decide when it's ready. LOOK AT THAT POWER! Feel powerful. You are in charge of your destiny!
Take it off the stove. Add soy sauce and juice. Add salt. If it's too mellow add more soy sauce. Serve it with that fluffy rice and rejoice!
Share this if you want and also because it would be super nice of you!
2tspparsleyminced, for garnish, if you can afford it
FIND A SKILLET.
Is the house to messy? Did you find one?
PUT THE OIL IN THE SKILLET AND TURN THE BURNER ON MEDIUM HEAT.
Is the oil sort of medium heatness? Good.
PUT THOSE CAULIFLOWER TREES in there. DO NOT STIR! DO NOT TOUCH IT! I know. I know. This is hard.
Distract yourself from your need to stir by using your writer imagination.
Imagine they are white little trees. Or warts? Why do they look like warts?
Rethink this recipe.
Refuse to think and COOK CAULIFLOWER FOR ABOUT 3 MINUTES. It will start to change color a bit.
STIR IT NOW.
ADD THE SPICES AND WATER.
FIND A COVER TO THE SKILLET! Panic because you forgot about the cover. PUT THE COVER ON TOP.
COOK FOR 3-5 minutes.
The cauliflower will be tender but not a giant mush.
TAKE THE COVER OFF.
TURN THE HEAT TO LOW.
ADD THE GARLIC.
COOK 2 MINUTES and STIR LIKE YOU HAVE NEVER STIRRED BEFORE! THIS IS YOUR TIME TO STIR! CLAIM IT!
Sorry for the caps lock. I got excited.
STIR IN THE LEMON JUICE.
Watch it evaporate. This takes less than a minute.
Sprinkle parsley on it.
If you aren't really a vegetarian, put a fried egg on there. But... you know...
People call it a cross between Harry Potter and Percy Jackson but it’s set in Maine. It’s full of adventure, quirkiness and heart.
The Spy Who Played Baseball is a picture book biography about Moe Berg. And… there’s a movie out now about Moe Berg, a major league baseball player who became a spy. How cool is that?
It’s awesome and quirky and fun.
FLYING AND ENHANCED
Men in Black meet Buffy the Vampire Slayer? You know it. You can buy them hereor anywhere.
OUR PODCAST – DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE.
Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness as we talk about random thoughts, writing advice and life tips. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of. Please share it and subscribe if you can. Please rate and like us if you are feeling kind, because it matters somehow. There’s a new episode every Tuesday!
I offer solo writing coach services. For more about my individual coaching, click here.
I am super psyched to be teaching the six-month long Write. Submit. Support. class at the Writing Barn!
Are you looking for a group to support you in your writing process and help set achievable goals? Are you looking for the feedback and connections that could potentially lead you to that book deal you’ve been working towards?
Our Write. Submit. Support. (WSS) six-month ONLINE course offers structure and support not only to your writing lives and the manuscripts at hand, but also to the roller coaster ride of submissions: whether that be submitting to agents or, if agented, weathering the submissions to editors.
Past Write. Submit. Support. students have gone on to receive representation from literary agents across the country. View one of our most recent success stories here.