Potato Cheddar Soup of Bad Dialogue

“Your dialogue is bad.”

Ugh.

It’s possibly the best most comforting soup and one of the most annoying criticisms an author can hear. Combined.

I hope you like it!

Print Recipe
Potato Cheddar Soup of Bad Dialogue
Cooking With a Writer - Cheddar Potato Soup of Bad Dialogue #writing #cooking
Course soup
Cuisine american
Servings
Ingredients
Course soup
Cuisine american
Servings
Ingredients
Cooking With a Writer - Cheddar Potato Soup of Bad Dialogue #writing #cooking
Instructions
  1. Boil the water.
  2. Ignore the agent's beta reader who said your dialogue was forced. HAS SHE EVER LEFT HER HOUSE? It's Covid-19 time. Everybody's dialogue is forced.
  3. Make sure you're boiling the water in the soup pot.
  4. Once the water is boiling (like your temper. Bad dialogue? Seriously), add potatoes, onions, salt and celery.
  5. Put a cover on that soup pot. Put it on medium heat because if things boil over it gets messy. (This includes your temper.)
  6. Leave it for 15 minutes.
  7. Write some dialogue. "I hate you with the passion of a thousand kitty mugs, Dirk." "And I love you, Karen, with the love of a thousand social media posts never gone viral."
  8. Find another pot, maybe a saucepan, the kind that holds two quarts.
  9. In that pot melt the butter. Make that a low heat. Butter burns just like criticism over dialogue.
  10. Add in a really slow way the cheese. Add flour next.
  11. Now slowly add the milk, spices, herbs and use a whisk.
  12. Practice dialogue on the whisk.
  13. "I love you with the love of a million political pundits," you tell the whisk.
  14. "And I you," says the whisk. "Which means I love you not at all."
  15. There! That was good, right?
  16. When it is all blended, add the cheese to the potatoes and onions in the big pot.
  17. Add tomatoes.
  18. Stir it all up.
  19. Put it on super low heat for fifteen minutes. This time do not have the cover on.
  20. Stir a lot because cheese, butter, and flour like to burn.
  21. Done!
  22. Go buy a book on writing effective dialogue and eat your pain away.
Recipe Notes

This is taken from my favorite vegetarian cookbook of my youth, Horn of the Moon Cookbook by Ginny Callan and it got me through many sad times. It's super comforting. 

Raspberry Pie


Print Recipe


Raspberry Pie of Bravery

This is adapted from the great HORN OF THE MOON COOKBOOK by Ginny Callan

raspberry pie of courage and quotes

Cuisine american, vegetarian

Prep Time 10 minutes
Cook Time 40 minutes
Passive Time 2 hours

Servings
humans


Ingredients

Cuisine american, vegetarian

Prep Time 10 minutes
Cook Time 40 minutes
Passive Time 2 hours

Servings
humans


Ingredients

raspberry pie of courage and quotes


Instructions
  1. Put the oven on 375-degrees Fahrenheit

  2. Think about Brene Brown and how she is telling you that you always have to take risks. Making this damn pie is taking a risk because raspberries are so damn expensive.

  3. Feel powerful for taking a risk.

  4. Oh damn. Honey is expensive too. Pretend you are not a starving writer, but a bad-a** woman with a six-figure book deal, a Brene Brown of writers selling your ideas about courage to other writers and you can totally afford honey and raspberries, damn it.

  5. Put the expensive honey, flour, and cream all in a bowl and beat them there until your dreams come true and you are this writer. No, actually just beat it until there are no lumps.

  6. Now, be gentle writers. Pretend the expensive raspberries are your creations, your book babies, and you want to gentle stir them into this mixture, which represents the book buying public aka readers.

  7. Pour it all into the pie crust.

  8. Pray that it will be good and not a sad, little mess. Channel your inner Brene Brown and repeat for 40 minutes, "Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen."

  9. Once 40 minutes is over , take the pie out. It looks good, doesn't it? Look at you, brave one! Taking the risks. Leaving courage via story and honey and raspberries and other expensive ingredients.

  10. Refrigerate it for 2 hours and go watch TED Talks by B. Brown.