TAHINI NOODLE BOWLS OF ELLIPSES FUN

Ellipses are these addictive little … that you see throughout people’s stories and social medias. But there are rules for how to use these little bad boys and sometimes when they are used all the time or used in the wrong way? Well, it can make even the calmest writer get a little ranty.

The noodles are delicious….

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TAHINI NOODLE BOWLS OF ELLIPSES FUN
Sometimes you just need a little ... in your life.
Instructions
  1. Okay. Are you ready? Maybe too ready...?
  2. You want to make the tahini sauce....
  3. You do not want to obsess about the social media post you just saw by your archnemesis, SHE WHO CANNOT USE THE ELLIPSES CORRECTLY BUT STILL HAS A MILLION DOLLAR BOOK DEAL.
  4. No. Do not obsess. Instead, combining tahini, soy sauce, sriracha, ginger paste, garlic, rice wine vinegar, agave, oil and water in a blender.
  5. Blend. It should all combine . . . .
  6. Put it aside. You'll use it later, just like you'll use the ellipses in your own social media post CORRECTLY later.
  7. Think about vengeance.
  8. Think about subtweeting.
  9. Wonder if you can just tweet LOOK, AUTHORS. THERE ARE EITHER THREE DOTS IN AN ELLIPSES OR FOUR NOT THIRTY-SEVEN, SWEET MOTHER OF SELTZER WATER, GET A CLUE.
  10. Worry that you have anger issues.
  11. Those rice noodles came in a package, right? Make them according to the package directions. Yes. Follow the directions just like you follow the simple rules of grammar.
  12. Spoiler: The simple rules of grammar say that an ellipses usually indicates a trailing off of thought. Use three if it's an incomplete sentence. Use four if it's a real sentence.
  13. Wonder if MILLION DOLLAR BOOK DEAL AUTHOR knows what a complete sentence is.
  14. Worry that you're being petty.
  15. Realize you are.
  16. But seriously...
  17. When the noodles are done cooking and you've stopped stewing and done some meditative and restorative chanting, rinse those noodles in running cold water.
  18. Set the burner to medium heat. Put oil in pan on top of the burner on medium heat. Warm oil up.
  19. Add noodles (cooked and floppy) to the pan and also add about 1-2 tablespoons of the tahini sauce you made.
  20. Sauté it up for 2 minutes.
  21. Delete your social media post about ellipses and feel badly that you were so full of anger. Writers are about empathy. Blah. Blah. Blah. It's no wonder you don't have a million-dollar book deal.
  22. Cool off noodles or don't. It's up to you.
  23. Combine noodles with your veggies. Toss them all together. They are one big writer family. . . . One big writer family that correctly knows how to use punctuation.
  24. Split it into four bowls (because we aren't really one big happy writer family).
  25. Put green onion, cilantro, sesame seeds, and tahini sauce on top.
Recipe Notes

NOTES * This dish is adapted from the Savory Vegan, which is a super good source of recipes. The name of this recipe over there is a bit weird because it seems to clump all Asian cuisine together, but the recipe is still yummy, I promise and there is a ton of good stuff on the site. 

Tempeh Fries of Revision Hell


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Tempeh Fries of Revision Hell

This is a recipe adapted from thespruceats.com and epicurious, which are awesome websites.

Tempeh Fries of Revision Hell

Course side dish
Cuisine american

Prep Time 10 minutes
Cook Time 5 minutes
Passive Time 0 minutes

Servings
people


Ingredients

Course side dish
Cuisine american

Prep Time 10 minutes
Cook Time 5 minutes
Passive Time 0 minutes

Servings
people


Ingredients

Tempeh Fries of Revision Hell


Instructions
  1. Realize that you have to cut 11,000 words out of your time travel story.

  2. Die inside.

  3. Realize that even though you've worked on it for three days straight, you've only cut 3,000 words. Decide you need fries but then remember that you don't eat potatoes anymore.

  4. Hate yourself for your decisions.

  5. Decide to make tempeh fries instead. Get out the tempeh and cut in into French-fry shapes. If you squint hard enough, you could maybe fool yourself into thinking they are really French fries.

  6. Wonder if there's a way you can fool your agent into thinking you've cut 11k out of your story.

  7. Put an inch of water in a big skillet and boil it. Realize this is an objective correlative to your anxiety level, boiling past calmness. Simmer the tempeh in there for 10 minutes so something good comes of all this.

  8. In a bowl put the cornmeal and salt together and mix them. Roll the tempeh in there so stuff sticks.

  9. Cry.

  10. Wonder why you are a writer.

  11. Medium-high heat is important so set things to that. Put a skillet on the burner Put the oil in the skillet. Sauté the tempeh. This should be 2 minutes on one side and then the other. Drain it on a paper towel because JUST LIKE TOO MANY WORDS, TOO MUCH GREASE IS A BAD THING, APPARENTLY.

  12. Make the dip by combining the remaining ingredients. Sob into it. Decide to just cut off the first half of the book and call it good..