Cheesey Broccoli Minus the Velvetta

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Cheesey Broccoli Minus the Velvet
Cheesey Broccoli Minus the Velvetta because it's expensive and also processed even though it's super delicious. This bad boy is adapted from Dinner At the Zoo
Cheesy Broccoli of Horror's Renaissance
Cuisine american
Prep Time 5 minutes
Cook Time 10 minutes
Passive Time 0 minutes
Servings
cheese lovers
Ingredients
Cuisine american
Prep Time 5 minutes
Cook Time 10 minutes
Passive Time 0 minutes
Servings
cheese lovers
Ingredients
Cheesy Broccoli of Horror's Renaissance
Instructions
  1. Think about how horror is having a renaissance and decide to make all your works in progress about horror somehow. You can do this. Let's start now.
  2. Find a bowl, look at your reflection is that you or shadow you? Is it the demon inside? Ignore this possibility and instead add cheese and corn starch. Combine it until all reflective surfaces are gone.
  3. Put that mixture and evaporated milk into a pan. DO NOT LOOK AT REFLECTIVE SURFACES!
  4. Put it on low heat. Watch the gauge turn it to medium heat. Turn it back to low.
  5. What was that behind you? Nothing. No. Just the cat. Ha! Jump scare.
  6. It was a jump scare, wasn't it?
  7. Realize you might not be cut out to write horror. Stir until cheese has melted like a bad guy's face in an Indiana Jones movie. The sauce should be thick, smooth like blood.
  8. If it's too thick (like maybe your plot?) add more milk.
  9. Use salt and pepper. Don't think you heard the shower turn on.
  10. Did someone whisper, "Too much salt is bad for the heart?"
  11. No. No of course they didn't. Turn off the stove burner. Unplug the stove for good measure. Poor the cheese over the broccoli. Lock the doors.
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Chocolate Caramel Bars To Fight Sorrow

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Chocolate Caramel Bars To Fight Sorrow
Cooking With a Writer Presents the Best Chocolate Caramel Bars To Fight Sorrow Recipe ever to clog your arteries and give you joy.
Prep Time 25 minutes
Cook Time 25 minutes
Servings
servings
Ingredients
Prep Time 25 minutes
Cook Time 25 minutes
Servings
servings
Ingredients
Cooking With a Writer Presents the Best Chocolate Caramel Bars To Fight Sorrow Recipe ever to clog your arteries and give you joy.
Instructions
  1. Okay. Let's say it's almost your birthday and you're worried that nobody is going to remember or make the effort to make you a cake. YOU ARE A WRITER! You can do anything and deal with any outcome. You will make cake bars and that way you aren't making your own cake, but you also get to celebrate your birthday with sugar. SO TURN THE OVEN ON 350 Fahrenheit.
  2. Do not cry.
  3. Making cakes is just not some people's love language. It's okay. YOU ARE STILL LOVED.
  4. Find a big bowl. Resist the urge to hide in it. Instead combine cake mix, butter and 1/3 cup of milk.
  5. Look at you, gifting yourself with the gift of sugar that will go straight to your already shaking hands. Go writer! You go!
  6. Find an electric mixer, put the speed on medium. Beat that stuff until it feels smooth and you don't want to beat against your chest anymore.
  7. Prepare a baking pan with some sort of non-stick help (a spray, butter, vegetable oil) and then put half the dough you just made on it. Wish that people loved you. Wish that writing books was this easy.
  8. Find a sauce pan and put it on medium low heat. Add caramels and rest of the milk (⅓ cup) and still until it's all melted. Again we want it smooth, unlike actual life with its bumps and holes to fall into. Smooth.
  9. Pour that over the dough in the pan.
  10. Put the nuts on top. Put the chocolate pieces on top. Cheat and eat the chocolate now. Write an ode to chocolate. Worry about global warming's impact on chocolate. Go recycle things and come back and vow not to buy so much.
  11. Feel hopeless.
  12. Eat another piece of chocolate while you still can and then pour the rest of the dough on top of everything. It should be smooth and beautiful.
  13. Put that pan in the stove and bake for 25 minutes. Let it cool. Write. Make it into nice even bars. Eat it while still hoping someone makes you a birthday cake.
Recipe Notes

This recipe was inspired by Midwest Living, which has a ton of recipes on its awesome site, which you should totally check out.