Refried Beans of Revision Crockpot Style

Sometimes, you just have to refry things in a crockpot. Okay? Don’t judge. I’m from New England. We like our crockpots.

Also, please buy my baby novella.

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There’s a bit more about it here.

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Print Recipe
Refried Beans of Revision Crockpot Style
Course side dish
Cuisine vegetarian
Servings
Ingredients
Course side dish
Cuisine vegetarian
Servings
Ingredients
Instructions
  1. See all that stuff? It's what makes your book -- I mean beans -- awesome.
  2. Admire the beans. They are characters. Admire the water that holds it all together.
  3. Put all those ingredients in the crockpot.
  4. Try not to think about it.
  5. Cook it in the crockpot on high.
  6. Think about people who have InstaPots. Judge them. Feel old school.
  7. Realize you aren't old school. You're just too poor to buy an InstaPot.
  8. Try not to care.
  9. Keep cooking. Ignore it just like you ignore all deadlines, plot holes, bad dialogue and your excessive use of the word "then."
  10. Check it at five hours. It looks cool.
  11. Check it at eight hours. It's mooshy! YAY!
  12. Put it in a blender if you're an overachiever.
  13. Put some in a skillet and fry in oil if you're a human.
  14. Adjust for salt and stuff.
  15. SMASH IT ALL IN YOUR MOUTH AND REJOICE!
Recipe Notes

I have been making a version of these from the Moosewood Cookbook ever since I got the Moosewood Cookbook in high school. 

This specific version is adapted from Courageous Joy, which adapted it from Moosewood. Here's the link. 

Hash That Cauliflower, Baby

Cauliflower Hash Recipe
Cauliflower Hash Recipe

This baby is a no-brainer in my quest to make the family eat less meat.

Why?

Because when you mash up a cauliflower? It’s almost like a potato or something. It becomes magical.

This super easy recipe is perfect for my little magical family. I hope it’s perfect for yours, too.

This recipe is completely adapted from An Edible Mosaic.


Print Recipe


Hash That Cauliflower, Baby

Writers like to hack things up. No, wait. That's editors.

Cauliflower Hash Recipe

Cuisine vegetarian
Keyword cauliflower

Prep Time 10 minutes
Cook Time 12 minutes
Passive Time none we are not passive

Servings
humans


Ingredients

Cuisine vegetarian
Keyword cauliflower

Prep Time 10 minutes
Cook Time 12 minutes
Passive Time none we are not passive

Servings
humans


Ingredients

Cauliflower Hash Recipe


Instructions
  1. FIND A SKILLET.
    Is the house to messy? Did you find one?
    PUT THE OIL IN THE SKILLET AND TURN THE BURNER ON MEDIUM HEAT.

  2. Is the oil sort of medium heatness? Good.

    PUT THOSE CAULIFLOWER TREES in there. DO NOT STIR! DO NOT TOUCH IT! I know. I know. This is hard.

    Distract yourself from your need to stir by using your writer imagination.

    Imagine they are white little trees. Or warts? Why do they look like warts?

    Rethink this recipe.
    Rethink cauliflower.
    Refuse to think and COOK CAULIFLOWER FOR ABOUT 3 MINUTES. It will start to change color a bit.

  3. STIR IT NOW.

    ADD THE SPICES AND WATER.

    FIND A COVER TO THE SKILLET! Panic because you forgot about the cover. PUT THE COVER ON TOP.

    COOK FOR 3-5 minutes.

    The cauliflower will be tender but not a giant mush.

  4. TAKE THE COVER OFF.

    TURN THE HEAT TO LOW.

    ADD THE GARLIC.

    COOK 2 MINUTES and STIR LIKE YOU HAVE NEVER STIRRED BEFORE! THIS IS YOUR TIME TO STIR! CLAIM IT!

  5. Sorry for the caps lock. I got excited.

    STIR IN THE LEMON JUICE.

    Watch it evaporate. This takes less than a minute.

  6. Sprinkle parsley on it.

    If you aren't really a vegetarian, put a fried egg on there. But... you know...

MAN VERDICT – There is not nearly enough of this.

CARRIE VERDICT – I didn’t get to eat any.

DOG VERDICT – Neither did we!

Writing and Other News

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I do art stuff. You can find it and buy a print here. 

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