Chocolate Caramel Bars To Fight Sorrow

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Chocolate Caramel Bars To Fight Sorrow
Cooking With a Writer Presents the Best Chocolate Caramel Bars To Fight Sorrow Recipe ever to clog your arteries and give you joy.
Prep Time 25 minutes
Cook Time 25 minutes
Servings
servings
Ingredients
Prep Time 25 minutes
Cook Time 25 minutes
Servings
servings
Ingredients
Cooking With a Writer Presents the Best Chocolate Caramel Bars To Fight Sorrow Recipe ever to clog your arteries and give you joy.
Instructions
  1. Okay. Let's say it's almost your birthday and you're worried that nobody is going to remember or make the effort to make you a cake. YOU ARE A WRITER! You can do anything and deal with any outcome. You will make cake bars and that way you aren't making your own cake, but you also get to celebrate your birthday with sugar. SO TURN THE OVEN ON 350 Fahrenheit.
  2. Do not cry.
  3. Making cakes is just not some people's love language. It's okay. YOU ARE STILL LOVED.
  4. Find a big bowl. Resist the urge to hide in it. Instead combine cake mix, butter and 1/3 cup of milk.
  5. Look at you, gifting yourself with the gift of sugar that will go straight to your already shaking hands. Go writer! You go!
  6. Find an electric mixer, put the speed on medium. Beat that stuff until it feels smooth and you don't want to beat against your chest anymore.
  7. Prepare a baking pan with some sort of non-stick help (a spray, butter, vegetable oil) and then put half the dough you just made on it. Wish that people loved you. Wish that writing books was this easy.
  8. Find a sauce pan and put it on medium low heat. Add caramels and rest of the milk (⅓ cup) and still until it's all melted. Again we want it smooth, unlike actual life with its bumps and holes to fall into. Smooth.
  9. Pour that over the dough in the pan.
  10. Put the nuts on top. Put the chocolate pieces on top. Cheat and eat the chocolate now. Write an ode to chocolate. Worry about global warming's impact on chocolate. Go recycle things and come back and vow not to buy so much.
  11. Feel hopeless.
  12. Eat another piece of chocolate while you still can and then pour the rest of the dough on top of everything. It should be smooth and beautiful.
  13. Put that pan in the stove and bake for 25 minutes. Let it cool. Write. Make it into nice even bars. Eat it while still hoping someone makes you a birthday cake.
Recipe Notes

This recipe was inspired by Midwest Living, which has a ton of recipes on its awesome site, which you should totally check out. 

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Buckeye Balls of Easy Land

I am not a baker. I’m more of a cook. 

Shaun legitimately just said to me today, “I’ve never seen anyone cook like you. You’re so good.”

And I said, “What about your mom and stuff?”

And he said, “Yeah. They were good cooks.”

And I said, “What’s different then?”

And he said, “Well, they follow directions.”

He quickly started laughing because he realized how mean that sounded. So,  we’re still married. 

Anyway. I’m not so good at following directions and baking? Baking usually requires that. So Buckeye Balls are one of my go-to recipes because they are easy.

Sorry if you’re reading this consecutively in the blog. There was a little hiccup here. 

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Buckeye Ball of Easy Land
Buckeye Balls Of Easy Land
Course dessert
Keyword buckeye
Prep Time 45 minutes
Cook Time 10 minutes
Passive Time 30 minutes
Servings
people
Ingredients
Course dessert
Keyword buckeye
Prep Time 45 minutes
Cook Time 10 minutes
Passive Time 30 minutes
Servings
people
Ingredients
Buckeye Balls Of Easy Land
Instructions
  1. FInd a baking sheet. Line it with wax paper. Think about whether if you were really desperate you could melt crayons and use that. Hope you are never that desperate for wax paper.
  2. Find a bowl. TAKE OFF YOUR BLING! Mix peanuts butter, confectioners' sugar and butter and vanilla WITH YOUR HANDS! Worry that this is way too tactile for you. Think about how clean it is to write fiction compared to this. Vow to never whine about your job again.
  3. Mix that stuff until the dough is smooth-looking like a sleazy man under the dim lights of a hotel bar in a small town in Maine. I don't know where that came from. Worry about your thought process. Does wax paper give off fumes that cause hallucinations or maybe bring up repressed memories? Anyways, shape the dough into little balls. Each should be about 2 teaspoons of dough. Put those balls on the waxed paper and shove it into the refrigerator.
  4. Find the stove. On the stove put water into a pan and make it simmer. Above that simmering pan put a bowl or another pan. In that top pan melt the chocolate with the shortening. Stir it. When it's smooth take it off the stove.
  5. Take the balls out of the fridge. Put toothpicks in the ball. Dip ball into chocolate. Put balls back onto our good friend, wax paper. Do this with every single ball. Put the pan of chocolate balls into the fridge for at least 30 minutes. Rejoice. Try not to think about wax paper shortages, sleazy men in hotel bars, or the fact that your hands are going to forever smell like peanut butter.
Recipe Notes

You can put the toothpicks in the balls before you put them in the fridge or after you take them out.

Don't forget to take the toothpicks out before you give people the buckeyes! 

Hash That Cauliflower, Baby

Cauliflower Hash Recipe
Cauliflower Hash Recipe

This baby is a no-brainer in my quest to make the family eat less meat.

Why?

Because when you mash up a cauliflower? It’s almost like a potato or something. It becomes magical.

This super easy recipe is perfect for my little magical family. I hope it’s perfect for yours, too.

This recipe is completely adapted from An Edible Mosaic.


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Hash That Cauliflower, Baby

Writers like to hack things up. No, wait. That's editors.

Cauliflower Hash Recipe

Cuisine vegetarian
Keyword cauliflower

Prep Time 10 minutes
Cook Time 12 minutes
Passive Time none we are not passive

Servings
humans


Ingredients

Cuisine vegetarian
Keyword cauliflower

Prep Time 10 minutes
Cook Time 12 minutes
Passive Time none we are not passive

Servings
humans


Ingredients

Cauliflower Hash Recipe


Instructions
  1. FIND A SKILLET.
    Is the house to messy? Did you find one?
    PUT THE OIL IN THE SKILLET AND TURN THE BURNER ON MEDIUM HEAT.

  2. Is the oil sort of medium heatness? Good.

    PUT THOSE CAULIFLOWER TREES in there. DO NOT STIR! DO NOT TOUCH IT! I know. I know. This is hard.

    Distract yourself from your need to stir by using your writer imagination.

    Imagine they are white little trees. Or warts? Why do they look like warts?

    Rethink this recipe.
    Rethink cauliflower.
    Refuse to think and COOK CAULIFLOWER FOR ABOUT 3 MINUTES. It will start to change color a bit.

  3. STIR IT NOW.

    ADD THE SPICES AND WATER.

    FIND A COVER TO THE SKILLET! Panic because you forgot about the cover. PUT THE COVER ON TOP.

    COOK FOR 3-5 minutes.

    The cauliflower will be tender but not a giant mush.

  4. TAKE THE COVER OFF.

    TURN THE HEAT TO LOW.

    ADD THE GARLIC.

    COOK 2 MINUTES and STIR LIKE YOU HAVE NEVER STIRRED BEFORE! THIS IS YOUR TIME TO STIR! CLAIM IT!

  5. Sorry for the caps lock. I got excited.

    STIR IN THE LEMON JUICE.

    Watch it evaporate. This takes less than a minute.

  6. Sprinkle parsley on it.

    If you aren't really a vegetarian, put a fried egg on there. But... you know...

MAN VERDICT – There is not nearly enough of this.

CARRIE VERDICT – I didn’t get to eat any.

DOG VERDICT – Neither did we!

Writing and Other News

Art.

I do art stuff. You can find it and buy a print here. 

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Time Stoppers!

You can order my middle grade fantasy novel Time Stoppers Escape From the Badlands here or anywhere.

People call it a cross between Harry Potter and Percy Jackson but it’s set in Maine. It’s full of adventure, quirkiness and heart.

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Moe Berg

The Spy Who Played Baseball is a picture book biography about Moe Berg. And… there’s a movie out now about Moe Berg, a major league baseball player who became a spy. How cool is that?

It’s awesome and quirky and fun.

FLYING AND ENHANCED

Men in Black meet Buffy the Vampire Slayer? You know it. You can buy them hereor anywhere.

OUR PODCAST – DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE.

Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness as we talk about random thoughts, writing advice and life tips. We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of. Please share it and subscribe if you can. Please rate and like us if you are feeling kind, because it matters somehow. There’s a new episode every Tuesday!

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Writing Coach

I offer solo writing coach services. For more about my individual coaching, click here.

Writing Barn

I am super psyched to be teaching the six-month long Write. Submit. Support. class at the Writing Barn!

Are you looking for a group to support you in your writing process and help set achievable goals? Are you looking for the feedback and connections that could potentially lead you to that book deal you’ve been working towards?

Our Write. Submit. Support. (WSS) six-month ONLINE course offers structure and support not only to your writing lives and the manuscripts at hand, but also to the roller coaster ride of submissions: whether that be submitting to agents or, if agented, weathering the submissions to editors.

Past Write. Submit. Support. students have gone on to receive representation from literary agents across the country. View one of our most recent success stories here

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Hush That Puppy – Cooking With a Writer – Vegetarian Recipes

Drain the balls on paper towel. Eat them all. Forget about serving size. Just eat them all.

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Hush That Puppy - Cooking With a Writer - Vegetarian Recipes
When The Man gets cranky about vegetarian food, I basically just cook him baked goods... MAN VERDICT - I am in the South again. DOG VERDICT - Why are onions in here? CARRIE VERDICT - Yes. I like this.
Hush That Puppy - Vegetarian Recipes Cooking with a Writer
Course side dish
Cuisine southern, vegetarian
Keyword hushpuppy
Prep Time 5 minutes
Cook Time about 10 minutes
Servings
humans
Ingredients
Course side dish
Cuisine southern, vegetarian
Keyword hushpuppy
Prep Time 5 minutes
Cook Time about 10 minutes
Servings
humans
Ingredients
Hush That Puppy - Vegetarian Recipes Cooking with a Writer
Instructions
  1. Look at all those dry ingredients. They are so dry. Let's make them love each other and mix them all together.
  2. Oh, man. That's too much homogeneity. It's like writing a book and having every sentence start with "THE WHITE MAN SAID." Nobody wants a book like that. Cough. Nobody better want ta book like that. So add the minced onion. Then add the egg and the milk all beaten together. Make them look like circles kind of.
  3. Okay. Get some fat. Pour that into a deep stove-safe pot. Get it super hot. Drop little spoonful (balls) of the concoction into that boiling fat. Do not imagine that is your stomach. Do not imagine anything negative. We are comfort fooding here and writers need comfort food.
  4. When those little spoonfuls float? They are done. Like a witch during the horrible times when they'd dunk them to see if they were witches. WHY DID YOUR MIND EVEN GO THERE?
  5. Wow. It's a bad day. Drain the balls on paper towel. Eat them all. Forget about serving size. Just eat them all.
Recipe Notes

Hush That Puppy - Vegetarian Recipes Cooking with a Writer