FInd a baking sheet. Line it with wax paper.
Think about whether if you were really desperate you could melt crayons and use that. Hope you are never that desperate for wax paper.
Find a bowl. TAKE OFF YOUR BLING! Mix peanuts butter, confectioners' sugar and butter and vanilla WITH YOUR HANDS!
Worry that this is way too tactile for you. Think about how clean it is to write fiction compared to this. Vow to never whine about your job again.
Mix that stuff until the dough is smooth-looking like a sleazy man under the dim lights of a hotel bar in a small town in Maine.
I don't know where that came from. Worry about your thought process. Does wax paper give off fumes that cause hallucinations or maybe bring up repressed memories?
Anyways, shape the dough into little balls. Each should be about 2 teaspoons of dough. Put those balls on the waxed paper and shove it into the refrigerator.
Find the stove. On the stove put water into a pan and make it simmer.
Above that simmering pan put a bowl or another pan.
In that top pan melt the chocolate with the shortening. Stir it. When it's smooth take it off the stove.
Take the balls out of the fridge.
Put toothpicks in the ball.
Dip ball into chocolate.
Put balls back onto our good friend, wax paper.
Do this with every single ball.
Put the pan of chocolate balls into the fridge for at least 30 minutes.
Rejoice. Try not to think about wax paper shortages, sleazy men in hotel bars, or the fact that your hands are going to forever smell like peanut butter.
You can put the toothpicks in the balls before you put them in the fridge or after you take them out.
Don't forget to take the toothpicks out before you give people the buckeyes!
People call it a cross between Harry Potter and Percy Jackson but it’s set in Maine. It’s full of adventure, quirkiness and heart.
The Spy Who Played Baseball is a picture book biography about Moe Berg. And… there’s a movie out now about Moe Berg, a major league baseball player who became a spy. How cool is that?
It’s awesome and quirky and fun.
FLYING AND ENHANCED
Men in Black meet Buffy the Vampire Slayer? You know it. You can buy them hereor anywhere.
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Look at all those dry ingredients. They are so dry. Let's make them love each other and mix them all together.
Oh, man. That's too much homogeneity. It's like writing a book and having every sentence start with "THE WHITE MAN SAID."
Nobody wants a book like that. Cough. Nobody better want ta book like that. So add the minced onion. Then add the egg and the milk all beaten together. Make them look like circles kind of.
Okay. Get some fat. Pour that into a deep stove-safe pot. Get it super hot.
Drop little spoonful (balls) of the concoction into that boiling fat.
Do not imagine that is your stomach.
Do not imagine anything negative. We are comfort fooding here and writers need comfort food.
When those little spoonfuls float? They are done. Like a witch during the horrible times when they'd dunk them to see if they were witches.
WHY DID YOUR MIND EVEN GO THERE?
Wow. It's a bad day.
Drain the balls on paper towel. Eat them all. Forget about serving size. Just eat them all.