The Dog Guide of Five Easy Ways To Make Your Humans Act Less Like Potatoes And Get Moving

This is Gabby, the dog, with an important message.

Fellow dogs, let’s face it, our humans are moving less and less. They stare at the square things that makes noise and takes photos. They snore louder than us. Our walk time is getting significantly low.

Gabby: This is me, acting like a human, flopped on a bed like a human, unable to move like a human.


This is terrifying. Not just for their bodies, but for ours. Yes, I’m looking at you, Sparty Dog. You’re starting to resemble a dark bratwurst.

Sparty: Bratwurst is delicious!


Look, I know how hard it is to motivate a human and teach her or him a new way of being. But the training is worth the hard work. 

Here are five easy ways to break the human’s habits and get her/him moving around again.


Yeah, that’s right. Run around the couch a few times yourself. Bark at the door. Bring your ball to the door and hit the door incessantly with your paw. Eventually, the human will move off the couch and even the writer-job human will step away from their laptop. This is especially true if you can act like you have to go to the bathroom.


Humans respond well to positive reinforcement and affection. When they move, wag your tail. When they stand up, bark encouragingly and smile. This support goes a long way. Play the “take away the remote” game. This is basically ‘fetch’ for humans. You take their shoe, remote, sock, car keys and run away with them. They must fetch them back.  For your writing-job humans this is especially effective if you can get their entire laptop and/or power cord in your jowls and then run.


I have known Chihuahuas to sit on phones and remotes for days in a heroic attempt to keep their human from watching endless loops of people gluing matches together or brides falling into swimming pools. This is brave and hard on your bottom. I hope it doesn’t come to that for you and your human. If all else fails, enlist the cat to take turns. Writers tend to forgive the cats more for sitting on things.

Marsie the Cat: They forgive us for our indiscretions because we are godlike rather than doglike. 

But seriously, the more time the human watches other humans doing things, the less time your own human moves.  Also, if a writer says she is writing, but her fingers aren’t moving on the keyboard? She’s lying.


I know you hate them, all dogs do, but leashing up your human to you almost always means that you can get them off the couch for at least five minutes. Humans are much easier to control when they are tethered to you, so bring them a leash. My favorite is rainbow. Sparty is partial to the sailboat leash even though he hates water. Weirdest Lab mix ever – but that’s another story.

Sparty: You’re hurting my feelings, Gabby. Water is scary, okay?

According to the American Heart Association if you can get your human walking 30 minutes a day it helps your human’s heart. A lot. Human hearts are suffering lately, so we need to do everything we can to help.


I know it’s hard to hide their cellphones, remotes, and laptops under your butt forever (unless you are Marsie), so when they do talk on it (instead of texting), try to get them to stand. Even that little motion and movement helps. So spill your dog food on the floor, drink your water pretty quickly. Do anything to motivate them to stand and move while they talk.


You can do this, dogs! Our humans need physical activity to keep their hearts healthy. Hearts keep them alive. We need them alive because they make bacon.

Gabby: Bacon is important to happiness.

Random Marketing and Book Things

My nonfiction picture book about Moe Berg, the pro ball player who became a spy,  is still coming out March 1 and I’m super psyched about it. You can preorder it. 

Kirkus Review says:  Jones gives readers the sketchy details of Berg’s life and exploits in carefully selected anecdotes, employing accessible, straightforward syntax.

And also says: A captivating true story of a spy, secret hero, and baseball player too.

Booklist says it’s: An appealing picture-book biography. . . Written in concise sentences, the narrative moves along at a steady pace.  

This is lovely of them to say.

The Spy Who Played Baseball

And the podcast, DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE, is real. I’m terrified.

There are new podcasts every Tuesday and our handle on the tech gets better as you go along. I promise.

We talk about love, marriage, living in Maine with dogs and also give writing and life tips with linked content back on the blog.

Here is a video about it. Sort of.

My Post-2 copy

Author: carriejonesbooks

I am the NYT and internationally-bestselling author of children's books, which include the NEED series, FLYING series, TIME STOPPERS series, DEAR BULLY and other books. I like hedgehogs and puppies and warm places. I have none of these things in my life.

3 thoughts on “The Dog Guide of Five Easy Ways To Make Your Humans Act Less Like Potatoes And Get Moving”

  1. O Sparty & Gabby, I am trying to be a more active human. I want to keep up with not only my three offspring but also Deadshot and Cupid my furry pup friends. I can’t wait till it warms up a bit so we can take Cupid on her first visit to the park. I’m sure she’ll love it there. Different leaves to sniff. Different trees for Dead shot to pee on. I’m sure peeing on the same tree everyday gets boring. Thanks for the motivation Gabby! <3

    1. Gabby and Sparty are INCREDIBLY jealous of Deadshot and Cupid’s names! It will warm up soon and Cupid will have an awesome time at the park, and – cough- so will Deadshot. Sparty particularly is in favor of peeing on as many different trees as possible. <3

      1. When we adopted Deadshot it was already his name. So we went with it. We decided he must have gotten his name from Deadshot on DC’s suicide squad. In the netflix series the Arrow, Cupid is a woman who has a brief obsession with Deadshot. We thought Cupid would be a fitting name for our first dog’s companion. She also has the cutest heart marking on her belly and we got her close to valentine’s day <3

Leave a Reply